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Feel I have no control over DD

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Wornoutmum42 Tue 18-Oct-16 16:42:27

I'm posting here hoping to hear from others in similar situations or maybe even here some out the other side stories! DD is 15 and has quite complex MH difficulties and ADHD she sees CAMHS and has done for the past 3 years. We used to have a great relationship until about 18 months ago, 18 months ago she began a relationship that was extremely unhealthy , very controlling and emotionally abusive, she was blinded by love for him but began being very abusive to me. She saw me as the enemy as obviously I was not positive about her relationship and at the time that was all that mattered to her, they have now separated and he is being investigated for harassment by the police. I have tried to support DD with this and she has been offered services such as talking therapies but refused all interventions. I have tried to repair our relationship but so far nothing has worked, she feels that now they are over I should be happy she is living her life and going out again, but shes going out drinking , refusing curfews and this weekend turned up at 3am. She is ignoring any boundaries and rules then emotionally blackmailing me telling me I should be happy for her that shes out talking to other boys and going to parties and if I'm not happy with that she may aswell get back with ex. When I suggest spending quality time together shes only interested if it involves a mass shopping spree which I obviously cant afford on a regular basis, she refuses lunch out, films, pampering etc, she mainly communicates with me when she wants something materially then talks about this non stop. She has recently lost her place at school due to non compliance and disruptive behaviour and we are currently waiting to hear about funding for a PRU.

Mondays to Fridays aren't to bad, she generally comes in from school and stays in her room on facetime and social media and will spend an hour maybe watching something with me on tv and will answer questions but rarely asks questions back or will engage with chat, she doesn't help around the house but that's kind of the least of my worries, she spends most of her school time in isolation. The weekends are difficult to say the least when she was in bad relationship she was either in alone or with him and very stressed since they split up she is out all weekend ignoring curfews and rules , I suppose one positive is she always returns eventually and has never appeared drunk or under the influence, I just worry that she is to into getting attention from other boys and being a party girl as opposed to spending nice time with her friends and having a calm period after all shes been through. I have sought advice from agencies and she does receive support from early help and camhs but they don't really seem to have any solid advice on how I can restore a bit of calm back into our lives. She wont engage with any support that's been offered and there have been many. I love her unconditionally but feel I'm treading on eggshells all the time at the moment , I'm scared for her.

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