15 year old DD - not where she said she was on Sat night. WWYD?

(8 Posts)
BigSandyBalls2015 Mon 17-Oct-16 14:05:13

DD went to a party on Sat night, a friend's mum dropped her off, we knew where she was, and another friend's mum collected, all fine. Me and DH were out for the evening.

It came to light yesterday - DD told us - that they had got bored at this party, decided to walk into town and hang about for a while, before going to another party - she'd seen it on snapchat/insta/FB, whatever - not a kid from her school, some unknown (she thinks she knows him due to social media but she doesn't). Left that party after an hour and went to another!

Then back to original party to be collected by the none the wiser mother.

I'm seriously pissed off with her, but haven't had a proper chance to discuss it with her as we were all out together with friends yesterday. I did tell her that at 15 we expect her to be where she says she is, not roaming around - anything could have happened to them. I also said if she was older I wouldn't be like that, but she's 15 and vulnerable.

Need advice on how to handle this please. Hate these teens years, loved it when they were tucked up in bed on a Sat night grin.

OP’s posts: |
misshelena Mon 17-Oct-16 18:56:16

Dd 16yo is the same way. These days it's even easier for them to "roam around" because many of them have uber accounts, as does dd. I am surprised that your dd told you about it. I only found out about it because I accidentally saw some of her texts.
I wouldn't get too angry with dd, especially since she volunteered the info to you. You don't want to make it so awful for her that she never tells you anything again. I would just tell her what your biggest worry is and what she can do to make sure that doesn't happen. For example, my biggest worry is that dd gets driven around by mildly drunk teens. We talked about it and hence her uber account.
When you say "anything could have happened to them", what are you thinking of? If she is in a group, chances are nothing is going to happen. Also it sounds like her friends have responsible parents and hence are probably fairly responsible themselves. Anyway, I know you are angry but maybe what she is doing isn't as dangerous as you may think. I think it's inevitable for teens this age to party around some, so I would work with her to make sure she minds her own safety rather than forbid her altogether.

EmmaMacGill Mon 17-Oct-16 19:15:39

The teen years are so scary aren't they Sandy I don't think there's ever an age when you stop worrying, my mum still worries about me at 42!
I think as MissHelena comments at this age you need to keep communication open even if you don't like what you're hearing, it's important that your daughter can always confide in you. My 16yo DS is a summer born and a lot of his friends are passing their driving test now and it scares the life out of me. I don't ban him from going out 'cause he'll find a was of getting out anyway, but I can talk to him about his personal safety and security and looking out for his friends too

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 18-Oct-16 09:25:50

Thanks for replies. I am glad she told me, but DH thinks there's a reason why she mentioned it, he thinks something else happened and it will come to light, so she thought she'd get in there first. I'm not sure her mind works quite like his though! grin.

I worry she'll drink too much or meet some unsavoury characters walking around late at night.

Still haven't had a chance to talk to her, will tonight. Although talking to her usually involves me talking and her eye rolling and telling me everything is fine, don't freak etc etc. "Don't you trust me .....".

Had to have a chat about an inappropriate insta post with swearing and rather a lot of cleavage. She thinks she's about 19.

OP’s posts: |
Lalsy Tue 18-Oct-16 09:29:01

I would perhaps ask her to let you know if she is roaming (if not very local) and to promise she will stay in a group, assuming she is year 11 and they are a reasonably sensible bunch? And say if that all goes fine then you will relax the need to know after GCSEs. I know it is hard because we worry but IME, what she is doing is fairly normal (two older dc here). And as PP have said, the main thing is to keep communication open and to support them all in staying safe while they have fun. It sounds like they aren't enjoying the parties too much at least grin!

Lalsy Tue 18-Oct-16 09:40:35

Sorry, cross posts.

frenchfancy Tue 18-Oct-16 20:41:39

I'm surprised by the replies TBH. I would be livid and Dd would be grounded for a month. She is 15 and going to parties of people she doesn't know. You have no idea who else is there and what is going on.


DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 18-Oct-16 23:48:58

I agree with FF!

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