Self harm - what to look for(9 Posts)
My daughter cuts herself. It was a terrible shock for me when she told me about it. But now that I look back some of the almost ordinary things I almost noticed were obvious.
She was moody. At the age of about 10 her demeanour changed and occasionally she did things which in my gut didn't feel right. She sometimes banged her head. She sometimes said she wanted to kill herself. It didn't happen often and between times she seemed fine. Then she started hitting me, and one time she bit me, quite hard. I asked for help. Something didn't seem right. For a while she seemed to improve.
I found things, broken hair grips. Pencil sharpeners with no blades. Broken pencils. The smell of tcp. Used plasters, not given to her by me. Damage occasionally to clothes and bedding. She wouldn't let me in her room.
The thing is, I wasn't looking for it. I know now. If you see these things ask yourself the questions. Sharpeners don't just lose their blades. Razors don't just disappear. Plasters are needed for cuts. What cuts? How? Where? Hair grips don't just break. But they do if they are used to take blades if pencil sharpeners! Make sure you give safe sharpeners E.g helix Oxford have a safety screw. Get the school to replace unsafe ones. Notice. Be present
Self harm is addictive, secret and risky emotionally as much as physically. The recovery process is slow because self harm is a coping strategy which works to deal with distress. It's hard to unlearn if the child is distressed.
It's shocking, but of course our shock isn't ghe point. The kid is trapped in a cycle by the time we discover it. I am sharing this to help others. Be aware, more aware than me.
Thanks for sharing, that must be hard.
My teen DD talks a lot about self-harm in her peer group, the kids seem very aware that it happens.
Have you found anything that you can do that seems to help, reduce the risks?
There are obvious things, like locking away meds, household cleaners, knives and razors, and periodically cleaning out her room and removing blades, if any. When actively self harming the aim is risk reduction. Communication, if possible, sympathy for what she's going through and gaining her trust to give me her blades when she can. It's obviously very wearing attending a and e late in the night to have wounds dressed, but it's necessary. She doesn't always want me to see at the time but the nurses are kind, and this means she gets help, even if not from me.
I have two kitchen knives and only one razor out at a time. I can then account for the items which could cause the most harm. Mostly she is so much better, and that's why I am now able to share these posts.
Hope this helps
She can pick up a piece of glass off the street, pull a drawing pin out the wall or any other ingenious object she can think of. You can't stop them self harming, only make it more secret.
Are you getting help from CAMHs or similar to tackle the cause not the release?
my daughter has self harmed , she used pencil sharpener blades and dismantled razor blades .
at first I would search her room high and low when she was at school and take away the things that she had hid to use , but she was alway able to replace them , borrowing a pencil sharpener from someone at school , but after a while my heart still said I should remove them but my head relised that she could go in garage and get a baked bean tin lid or something worse. so I would leave them but make sure they where clean ( which some people will say was wrong and I should have removed them ) and believe me it was difficult to leave them.
signs I missed were staying in room a lot more than normal, curtains drawn , not going out with her friends so much , listening to (what I call) screamo heavy music. always wearing long sleeves ( but it was winter stared in Nov/ Dec and I found out beginning of Feb ) just very distance with the rest of the family.
has now been on medication for 8 months and I have got my little girl back (15) now we are closer than ever .
hugs to all that are going through this , I did think there would never be light at the end of the tunnel but there was.
My DD (14) is also a self harmer. Uses razor blades, pencil sharpener blades. I don't confiscate these things. It is a coping strategy, and due to one of her friends attempting suicide more than once, I don't want that to happen so I leave her be. I sterilise them, buy new ones, supply her with wipes, plasters, bandages. She shows me her arms every day. If she's done it, we hug, put a film on, have a chat, a cry. If she hasn't, we do the same things anyway. I support her through everything. Since she's told me, she doesn't do it as much and is a lot happier.
marvelousdcomics I am so glad that I'm not the only one that dose not confiscate the blades , I have battled with myself many a time asking if I done right by leaving them .
like u my daughter will show me her arms and legs now , we hug more and she will tell me a lot more than she ever has done .
but has now not cut for 6 months,
she did go on to start making herself sick for a couple of months ( another coping strategy) but all good now for a couple of months .
fingers crossed things are look up .
Thank you for sharing this information. I am sorry you're having to go through this with your DC. I am petrified of all the what ifs for when my DD's are older and self harm us one thing I've never experienced myself so I'm grateful you shared your knowledge.
I hope your DC manage to find other ways to express themselves safely.
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