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DS took my car

(13 Posts)
BG2015 Sat 08-Oct-16 13:55:37

Last Friday we went to bed early around 9.30. My DS16 was round at his friends.

The following eve a friend of mine rang me and told me that her son (older than mine by about 5 yrs) had seen video on social media of my son driving my car the previous evening. I didn't know what to say to her but was grateful for the heads up. 2 of his male friends and 1 female friend were also in the car.

My son and 2 of his friends were in the house at that time getting ready to go out, so I went and confronted him. He's the worlds worst liar and admitted it straight off! I was absolutely stunned. I totally lost it. I swore at him, screamed at his friends to get out of my house. I was appalled. I still am. I totally lost it.

My partner (not his dad) also told the lads to get out. One of them we suspect was also in the car with my son.

I then started crying. My son kept apologising over and over again. I just told him to get out and that I couldn't stand to be around him.

He spent the remainder of the weekend at his friends. I've barely spoke to him all week, he's either been at college or at friends.

He's tidied his room and has text me numerous times apologising. He's asked about police involvement and what will happen if the police find out. I've told him he could end up in prison and not able to drive for years.

I've banned his friends from the house, I've not cooked him any meals or washed any of his clothes. How on earth do you punish a nearly 17 yr old. He bought his own phone so can't really take that off him and he has a pt job so rarely asks me for money.

A week later I'm still shocked at what he did. I honestly don't think he realised the consequences of what he was doing or what could go wrong.

I'm so disappointed

AcrossthePond55 Sat 08-Oct-16 14:20:48

Teens are stupid and do stupid things. Add in cars and peer pressure and the stupidity increases exponentially. I know, I've raised two boys and I expect girls are no different. It's been shown that their brains aren't completely mature until they're 25 so of course he didn't fully understand the possibilities.

I'm assuming this is a one off. And it sounds as if he really regrets what he's done. As far as punishing, does he have his license? If so forbidding him the car for a set period of time is what I'd do. My sons had their own cars (junkers) at 16 which is pretty normal for where I live in the US and taking driving privileges away was the main thing we did. Otherwise, ground him for a set period of time.

As a matter of course, we've always (from the time they were little) kept the car keys where they couldn't get to them, and the liquor cabinet locked. And ounce of prevention, etc etc.

TheTyrannyOfMAGENTA Sat 08-Oct-16 14:31:01

You can't get your learner (accompanied) license until 17 in the UK.

I think now you have had some time apart it is time for a sit down and serious calm chat. I think he knows he has done wrong now. Kids do stupid stuff, you can't hold this against him forever. Just remind him his lucky he was nothing happened.

FrazzleM Sat 08-Oct-16 14:32:21

You've punished him enough. I think it's time to move on. It sounds like he's learnt his lesson and won't do it again. Thankfully no one was hurt and the car's not damaged.

Acrossthepond my mum use to sleep with the car keys under her pillow! grin

ILoveMyMonkey Sat 08-Oct-16 14:40:10

You've punished him enough. I think it's time to move on. It sounds like he's learnt his lesson and won't do it again. Thankfully no one was hurt and the car's not damaged*

^^ this. You can't punish him forever.

therootoftheroot Sat 08-Oct-16 14:51:26

a week of discomfort is enough punishment for breaking the law in a really dangerous way? really?

i don't know what i would do OP but i would, like you, go absolutely mental

RockinHippy Sat 08-Oct-16 15:05:48

Oh dear, I feel so much for you. He is incredibly silly & very, very, lucky to have gotten away with it sad

When I was young, a good friend did something similar. A club we tried to get into wouldn't let him in in jeans. Living nearby he went home to change & came back. We didn't know until later that he had taken the family car to come back faster. We also didn't know he had had an accident & had freaked out & left the car. He thought he had hit a tree, he didn't realise he had also knocked over & killed an elderly man who turned out to be a judge. He was such a lovely, quiet lad with such a bright future, non of us could get our heads around him doing this.

He was never the same again, he was sentenced to only 3 months in Prison because he had tried to commit suicide 3 times before his trial. He was raped multiple times in prison & spent the next 6 years if his life trying to commit suicide by driving vehicles into walls & rivers. He surved, but became more & more disabled with each attempt. He eventually hung himself when he was only 26.

He was a beautiful soul that made a deadly mistake, one that ruined his life, the judges families life & those that loved him forever.

Your boy has been incredibly lucky & needs to know just how stupid he has been. If DD did this, I would involve the police, by way of making sure she never did it again

thequeenofsandwich Sat 08-Oct-16 15:06:24

My son was 17 , learning to drive when he took his dad's brand new 2L BMW. luckily (not for him) he passed police in an unmarked car who thought it looked suspicious. Long story short,he went to court- huge fine , 18mth ban , community service and had to take an extended test when the ban was up. It affected his insurance for years and he relies on a van for his job. One night of silliness had enormous consequences. Lesson learned thankfully. I think the court was quite lenient with him because although he was an idiot it was his first offence and he is really not a bad lad

usual Sat 08-Oct-16 15:09:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mypropertea Sat 08-Oct-16 15:17:05

I think you need to sit and tell him how disappointed you are and how stupid he is. Also how upset you would be if anything happened to him or his friends. Let him apologise and then move on. But leave him in no illusion that if it happens again then you will be less forgiving.

BG2015 Sat 08-Oct-16 15:21:20

This incident is totally out of the blue. I really don't think he realised that my insurance covers ME and not the car.

I'm still thinking about if he went through any speed cameras and what I will do. I'm hoping that I don't have to make that decision.

I never would have known if it hadn't been for my friend (who felt terrible telling me) and who knows whether he would've tried to do it again, having got away with it once.

His so called friends are also to blame, 1 for encouraging him (if they did) & 2 for not trying to stop him. They also would've been in serious trouble if they had been caught. A fact they failed to realise.

My car keys go everywhere with me now!

specialsubject Sat 08-Oct-16 21:02:33

If this is the uk where driving age is 17 - unless he is really, really stupid he knows that he hasnt passed a test and doesnt have a licence. That means he is not allowed to drive.

Make sure he sees that horror story, and knows what could have happened. And ask him what his plan is for earning your trust?

You know if the contrition is real. If it isnt, i would consider the police.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 08-Oct-16 21:18:37

My car keys go everywhere with me now!

Yep. Best just to remove the temptation.

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