My DD14 broke the rules spectacularly a few weeks ago and got some secret social media accounts and exchanged numbers with total strangers, (male) and was texting them about meeting up.
She's completely immature for her age and not sure she would ever actually have the confidence to go through with it.
Beside the point it scared me. I made her watch a load of NSPCC grooming videos and took away all tech, phone, iPad etc.
She has behavioural issuesthat are being investigated, likely anxiety disorder and an attachment disorder and is awaiting CBT. She had one episode of self harm, which thankfully was not serious.
It is soon to be her birthday so I think she is on best behaviour.
But she's been so 'changed' (reading books, engaged in family properly, helpful) that I know at some point she's going to want her stuff back and I'm so scared to give it to her. I want to trust her but I just don't. I'm really scared she will do something very silly. At the same time I know I can't wrap her up in cotton wool forever.
She doesn't have the best friendship group, isn't really invited places and doesn't go out much socially. She won't join any clubs. So I can see why joining a fantasy virtual world is so tempting but she doesn't seem to realise the actual danger.
How do you start to trust them? Do you just let them make mistakes and then deal with the consequences?
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Change in my DD since banning tech
Myusernameismyusername · 22/09/2016 22:22
OP, you need to get the message across, I know this is easier said than done.
We were lucky as SENCO at school and CAMHS/ Police helped us with dd, they told her straight and put the fear of God in her and there were no issues of talking to men or anything like that. Although, a crime could have been committed hence Police. My dd behaviour didn't attract a Police investigation btw, but she was unfortunately involved.
If you have vulnerable children, I know they all are really, but those with learning difficulties or disabilities can need much more intervention and monitoring with social media 
Op I did similar things around your dds age. It's a huge confidence boost more than any real interest in who she's talking to.
I'm afraid until you help her confidence and self esteem she will repeatedly do the same thing online. Your doing the right thing, even if she doesn't meet up with them, it's so bloody easy for them to find your dd through school and location which is terrifying. Is she aware of this? As I had no idea how easily I could have been tracked down when I was younger.
Another thing Is Make sure no photos have been sent as this obviously leaves your dd in a very vulnerable situation, I'd also contact the men she was talking to and inform them if they attempt to make any more contact then the police will be phoned.
Sorry that was so long!! I dread my dd getting to teenage years with so much more technology about now
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hello again, haven't got long as just come in but will pm you soon.
I would like to echo what others have said, she needs to earn your trust.
With dd I let her add people from school who were close friends.
No friends of friends and only people I knew were close iyswim.
I monitored every little message she sent and gave her instruction of topics of conversation. This was necessary at the time, may seem weird but were advised to do this.
I suppose it was easier as we had full summer hols to do this, must be harder when they are at school all day.
She had to be open with everything, say what was on her mind, small talk about what her friends were doing etc.
Her whole behaviour was monitored, but of course we had every flippin agency involved, which helped immensely as she had to be accountable to them too.
They have to work it out for themselves unfortunately, it's so easy to trust them after this. The need to want to change has to come from them so they can move forward.
Is there somebody from school you could get to talk to her, or even a family friend she looks up to. so many times i heard dd say mum warned me but I wouldn't listen.
This is often the case and an outsider can help in an instant.
Will pm later
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