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DD – PG and its so far gone - help(5 Posts)
So – just looking for advise and support here.
A month ago I has a suspicion that my 16 year old DD was pregnant, I talked to her about three weeks ago and she said no, don’t be daft. It seems my asking started her thinking and worrying and she tested and yes she is.
I found out Thursday 15th (from my DH who can’t lie to me that she was – she had told him Tuesday 13th).
I had lost my dad unexpectedly 2 weeks previously and we cremated him on Friday 16th so they planned to await until after then and she officially told me Sunday 18th.
She is terrified, her BF and her split a fortnight ago – mainly due to the stress I think but he is terrified, however DH and I and the exBF’s DS and DM talked on Tuesday 20th and we are being as supportive as possible.
However – all changed yesterday (21st) I went with her to scan (BF waited outside). She is 33 weeks. (And she defo does not look it at all). She had been seeing BF for 18 weeks. She and I were seriously shocked. It coincides with a previous BF who is not around now at all. She went out and told him. He was ace and said that he understands she is in a state and his is still her friend and stayed with us while they did the (what feels like) a million health checks.
She is currently doing an apprenticeship in nursery care and early education in a private nursery and lucky her manager is being very supportive and saying they will figure stuff out.
But she is utterly terrified, I feel in so much shock I don’t really know what to do right now. I asked the MW this morning if they could help with finding her someone independent to talk to. She doesn’t have a best friend that she trusts that she can talk to. I have talked a lot – but I am her mum and also very emotional. I’ve had the whole – ‘’WTF I drummed the double contraception and keeping yourself healthy chat into you a year ago’’ conversation with her but we just need to move on now from that. My DH is awesome and just being there. My DSM also.
I am lucky I have the most amazing friends in the world and as expected they have provided cups of tea and non-judgmental chats and hugs. I have the most amazing manager who told me she’ll help me arrange time off if I need it.
I just don’t know what to do next, how to help her, how to even get my head round this I was a young mum at 22 but that is way older (she will be 17 in 3 weeks) . I also have a 5 YO DD and I keep thinking about the impact on her too.
Have any of you gone through this? What do you suggest we do next? I just feel so anxious
Firstly, does she know what she wants to do? Have her options been made clear to her?
You should be able to get a referral through your GP for counseling or is going private an option?
The best thing you can do right now is be there and make sure that she understands that she still does have options. You sound like an amazing Mum by the way. Poor girl
Would any of your friends be someone she might talk to? An adult who has her best interests at heart and really cares about her so can be a sounding board for her? It might help her get her thoughts straight.
I had my dd at 17. It's not the end of the world. You have a grandchild on the way. Embrace it.
I've recently found myself in a similar situation with ds. He is 17 and gf 15. I found out they were expecting at 18 weeks, though that was bad enough. Ds knew earlier but was to scared to say. He was overwhelmed with the responsibility and couldn't see past the practical side of things. All he was thinking was how could they support a baby with no money, plus when he did tell a few people they were a little insensitive and told him all the bad things and said his life was over.
Do you know what your dd is scared of? Once I understood where ds's mind was, I found out that I could help him see more clearly and elevate his worries.
If she is worried about the cost, can you phone up the tax credits and see what she is entitled to as a single mum. Can she get help with nursery fees if she wants to carry on her apprentice. Have you got family and friends who can help her get baby equipment.
If she is worried about the birth, find out when antinatal classes are and go with her to them. Maybe buy her a couple of pregnancy and birth magazines. Supporting her to make informed choices will make her feel more in control.
I'm sure your younger dd will be thrilled to be an auntie. My cousin had her first baby when her youngest brother was 4 and they grew up very close.