12.5 year old with attitude. Help me understand him ...

[kitnkaboodle]

Sitting here in tears tonight as everything with my 12 year old DS has become a strop and a fight. I know I sound terribly naive, but I genuinely wasn't expecting this. I have an older son who is still affectionate, steady and kind. I sort of thought his brother would be the same and it's come as a big shock.

You must all think I was born yesterday ...

He literally argues and takes offence at anything I say. It's worse than Kevin the Teenager. Won't accept being asked/told to do anything (ie load the dishwasher) without making it a big drama. He reacts badly and rudely and then it spirals because I get teed off at his attitude. He cannot stand being told off, even when he is patently at fault, and will go on the defensive and off we spiral again. Never ever says sorry for anything, but retreats behind a wall of blame and defensiveness.

This is the boy who, as a little kid, would push notes under my door if I was ill or had a migraine, etc and be a total delight. Now he literally seems to have no empathy for anyone else (me, his brother, even shouted at the flipping dog tonight for no reason). A ball of anger. He's seen me in tears over his behaviour and it doesn't seem to bother him. With anyone else in your life who caused you this much stress, the advice would be to 'not engage with them' ... but you can't exactly do that with your child ...

There are no underlying problems at home or at school that anyone is aware of. He's a model student (... could that be an explanation for it - he's kicking off at home?)

Can someone explain to me exactly what is happening?? I'm not asking for other anecdotes of awful (pre) teenage behaviour. I'm just curious about the psychology/chemistry of it all

[pasanda]

Have you read the book 'Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town'??

It's a godsend and will help you understand the reasons behind their behaviour and then how to respond to it all.

I read it in one sitting and laughed at how true it all was. I now lend it out to my friends, although I do need it back for my own 12.5 yr old dd.....