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Shit - my son's girlfriend is pregnant

(12 Posts)
Rachyrachrach Mon 12-Sep-16 22:39:02

They're both 16, starting 6th form this week. Apparently she's about 22 weeks but not had a scan yet. They initially agreed to terminate the pregnancy then she went off grid (causing endless heartache for him) but they have met and talked today and she's going ahead with the pregnancy.

They're still together and are both lovely, bright young people. My son says he knows it will be hard but he thinks they can both make it work. I think they probably can but their lives are going to be so hard now. I just feel sad and worried.

I don't know what I'm asking here. I'm probably not asking anything. I think I just need to get it out. This isn't what I pictured for him.

ItsQueenieBitch Mon 12-Sep-16 22:41:19

Itz never what you pictured. I struggled at 18 with my first. My mam was a cowbag andvdidnt speak to me for months as I ruined my life. Be supportive but not pushy. flowers

PurpleWithRed Mon 12-Sep-16 22:43:32

flowers and hugs.

DontFuckWithMyChocolate Mon 12-Sep-16 22:43:49

Hugs.
Must be extremely emotional and worrying for you. It will be difficult for them, but I'm sure with your help they'll be fine. She needs to be seen by a midwife for a scan though.
Has she booked an appointment yet?

AddToBasket Mon 12-Sep-16 22:44:17

Be really, really nice. Be lovely, kind and supportive. Don't act like someone died. They really need you.

Honestly, it will be tough but it will be ok. And babies are fabulous. Congratulations smile

HerRoyalFattyness Mon 12-Sep-16 22:46:19

I got pregnant at 16 with my first, he was born when I was 17.
I agree with pp, be supportive but not pushy and remember that the baby is their responsibility not yours. Nothing wrong with helping out and giving them a break but don't take over (not saying you will) as that could make them feel inadequate when you're just trying to help and advise.
And flowers I can't imagine how I'd feel if DS1 came to me and told me he was having a baby at 16. massive hypocrite

namechangedjustforthis Mon 12-Sep-16 22:48:11

Hi, I just wanted to tell you I've been through this with my daughter, who was 17 when she got pregnant in a much worse situation than your son and his girlfriend, she was off the rails, behaviour was awful, a complete nightmare! And her boyfriend was an arse. So when I found out she was pregnant I was horrified and worried. However she is an amazing mum, my wee granddaughter is happy loved and the light of my life, everything worked out way better than I expected, and I'm glad she had her baby. I had her at 18, followed by another 3 while I was still young, now I'm a successful business owner, so looking back I'm glad I had my children young, this could end up being amazing for all of you. Just be supportive and think what's done is done and just help them become the best parents they can be

Hamiltoes Mon 12-Sep-16 22:51:27

Echoing what other posters have said. Its hard and they will struggle but it can be done. It will mature them both very quickly and there's nothing like a little person being dependent on you to push you and give you determination/ drive. With the right support they can have it all. flowers

user1471453601 Mon 12-Sep-16 22:52:58

Oh, lovely, this is a very uncomfortable situation for all of you. I became pregnant at 18 (in the sixties). It felt like the end of the world, to me and my Mum. Nearly 50 years later, not so much. In fact DD, her partner and I, all live in the same home and are very happy.

Your son sounds like a good person and that he's facing up to his responsibilities, so that's good too.

Stay strong, it must be difficult, but it is what it is

MariaCameFromNashville Mon 12-Sep-16 23:11:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rachyrachrach Mon 12-Sep-16 23:42:07

We've had a long talk tonight. According to him she's seen her gp and is waiting for an appointment for a scan. Something doesn't ring true to be honest - I'd have thought she'd have been seen by a midwife asap and got in for a scan fairly soon after but that could be him being a bit clueless. I haven't spoken to her yet.

Her parents are present and supportive, although apparently her dad hasn't been informed yet.

I'm going with the supportive but not pushy approach and have already made it clear to my son that I'll help but not take on the role of a secondary parent. I was 18 when I had my eldest myself and 22 when I had him so consequently far too young to be a grandmother! Selfishly I was hoping for a few years of living alone and not having too many responsibilities before I had to consider tiny people again!

GabsAlot Mon 12-Sep-16 23:55:14

its not your responsibility though

i know hes only 16 but as long as hes mature he can cope-im sure her family will be supporting her aswell

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