i've thrown my 16 yr old son out the house - would like to chat to others

[lifebeginsat40]

My 16 yr old son has caused us so many problems over the past year and a half - the usual i guess - drugs, stealing from the house, staying out all night without telling us where he is etc. it got worse with the police being involved, first shoplifting, but more recently with street robbery. This was the final straw that caused us to tell him he could no longer live at home. He comes round occasionally for food, and a change of clothes, and is very confused and out of it most of the time. he needs help but won't accept it. he is in the system in that he is on a supervision order, and there are resources available to him, but he is choosing to beg and live on the street.
it's causing me so much heartache, does anyone have any advice?
I should say that we are a very 'normal' family, he has a younger half brother and sister, step dad has been like a father since he was 1 year old.

[CAMy]

Don't know what to say to you lifebeginsat40 but just wanted you to know I'm listening.

[winterpimms]

So sorry to hear this Lifebegins.

Can you get some support and advice about the drugs?

Hope someone comes along who has experience. There must be a charity that helps families in this situation.

Thinking of you xx

[Tortington]

how did you manage that?

he is your responsability until he is 18. he isn't choosing to live on the street - you chucked him out.

as a parent its your responsability to make sure he does the best he can and gets the right help.

tell me about your contact with social services and other agencies.

[lifebeginsat40]

thanks for your thoughts.
we have had advice and support about the drugs problem, but now that my son is 16, we can't force him to go into rehab, or attend counselling sessions. i have tried and tried, but he won't turn up, or allow me to take him to his appointments. the message i keep hearing is that it is important not to 'enable' the drug taking, and that you have to stick to your house rules.
custardo, i realize that he is my responsibility till he is 18, and it was a very difficult decision to throw him out.in fact, the case worker at the youth offending team told me that she felt that i had done the right thing in throwing him out. i helped him get in touch with social services, and they are legally bound to find him accommodation the same day that he goes to them for help. unfortunately, my son knows that they do not tolerate drunkenness or drug taking at the young people's hostels, and i think has decided to bypass the getting accomodation because he feels certain he wil be restricted too much.
if i pay to rent a room for him, then i am helping to finance his drug lifestyle.
i have repeatedly told my son that he can come home when he is ready to take responsibility for his actions, and accept the help that he needs.

[lifebeginsat40]

it has got to the point where i am waiting for him to be sent to a youth prison - at least there he can get a full psychiatric assessment (the choice he will have will be to stay in his cell, or go talk to the professional), and hopefully have no choice but to stop taking drugs. he is due in court soon for the street robberies, and the likelihood is a sentence of about 6 months.
he is not a 'gang' type of person, and is not by nature violent, so it is possible that the experience of prison will be a wake up call for him, rather than a training camp for progessing on to more serious crimes.
to be at the point where you hope that your child goes to prison is not an easy place to be. i think i have gone through a grieving process for the loss of the boy i used to be a mother to, and to accept that he has to want to make the changes in his life himself.

[ProfessorGrammaticus]

I think that's a bit harsh custy. Young men of 16 aren't always reasonable to deal with. L40 is supporting him by letting him come round for food etc and by making clear she is there for him if he will accept some basic rules.

L40 - does your son have a social worker? Some of the youth mentors where I am can be very good.

[SpaceCadet]

hi
sorry to hear about the problems you had with your son, if you want to talk to others in a similiar situation we have a thread going here

[Shelmers76]

I can fully empathise with life begins. My stepson very much mirrors hers. Drugs (weed mostly) although I suspect other he may be partaking in illegal highs. He steals, from us, wags school. He goes out we don't where he is, shows absolutely no respect for either me or his mother. His dad has previously thrown him out, as has his parternal grandparents all for his behaviour. He is at last chance saloon and we are at the end of our tether. I am well aware of support, youth worker, drug worker, social worker, early help. But they can't/won't do anything without his consent which of course he won't give cos he hasn't got a problem. He doesn't want to be here. Any suggestions?

[putdownyourphone]

Wow - 10 year old thread....

[Whiskwarrior]

ZOMBIE ALERT!!!

[Jorasam]

What happened with life begins at Forty’s son I have a 20 year old son who over the last 2 years failed at uni and left jobs has said he was just taking cannabis but I suspect it’s more. He has moved away to Uni come home and moved away again because we give him the option to live at home and get help with giving up or go and he went. Since then he has asked back twice with the promise he will work and go to counselling and he strings us along until the crunch and doesn’t go to the counselling. He has disappeared over the last 2 days we don’t know where he is but know he will just turn up on our door in a few days and expect all to be normal. We are thinking of giving the ultimatum again with complete cut off unless he engages in a programme Thoughts or experience please we are at our wits end

[vodkaredbullgirl]

wow 12 yrs on and someone posts on this.


Ops now I have lol.

[Jorasam]

Just want to know if anyone has any advice looks like this is an eternal problem

[YeOldeTrout]

I'm just intrigued that Custy got a name change (!!)

[Jorasam]

No just someone else going through the same thing seeking advice not glib comments