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Worried about my 14yr old DD

(30 Posts)
Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 22:43:22

My DD is 14 and has ortherexia and traits of anorexia. She has recently been given a label. She is very sporty and into running but she hasn't been able to exercise in the past 3 weeks. She usually went running 3 days a week and did a gym session. She had a membership but I am now cancelling it due to her bad behaviour and refusal to eat junk food and aggressive behaviour. She used to be such a happy and healthy child, she was a size 8/10, 8/8.5 stone and always had a smile on her face. She's now very weak, constantly crying, mild self harming such as head banging and breaking her nails on purpose ect. I don't know what to do with her anymore, she's a tiny 6 stone 12 pounds, just under 5ft 4 and doesn't look like the little girl I used to have. She is isolating herself from friends and famliy, says she hates herself and me. She's wished me dead and threatened to run away. We've tried telling her people have it a lot worse than her and are constantly offering to take her places like shopping and the cinema but she won't have it. She had a massive meltdown when we asked her to have some pudding. I can't cope with her anymore, I don't know where she can go as she clearly hates our house so much and I am terrified she will run away from home as I've found her diary in her room which gave me some worries about her plans.
Anyone who has any ideas or support to offer or even someone who's been in the same sort of situation as I am in now would be valued.
Thank you!sad

Amandahugandkisses Sun 04-Sep-16 22:44:57

She sounds terribly unhappy I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Was there anything you can think of that triggered this?

quicklydecides Sun 04-Sep-16 22:48:10

Whoever told you she has orthorexia is wrong.
Your daughter is totally and completely and classically in the grip of anorexia.
Stop taking her to whoever has been giving you advice.
Bring her to your GP tomorrow and insist on an urgent referral to CAMHS.

mineofuselessinformation Sun 04-Sep-16 22:48:56

Your daughter is ill and needs help.
Talk to her school, talk to your GP.
Telling her other people have it a lot worse than her is not helping, in fact it's trivialising how she feels.
You and your family also need help to deal with your daughter's illness.

ReallyShouldKnowBetterAtMyAge Sun 04-Sep-16 22:52:39

Unfortunately I am in the same sort of situation with my daughter sad
I'm in Essex and we were referred to family solutions via social services (I called SS myself and they offered family solutions to us)

I wouldn't say they have helped DD much, she is very isolated and not up for talking to strangers but they have and are supporting me which is valuable.

I also spoke to our Gp and her school.

In fact, I've spoken to a lot of people, her cheer leader and track leader, I'm such a private person but her needs are greater than my privacy.

We are no where near the happy end and still have a long way to go but opening up (like you have here) was a big leap to the start for us flowers

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 22:54:44

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like getting her a gym membership was the worst thing I did as it got her obsessed and as everyone at the gym she used to go to we're very slim not 100% sure why but they all were your classic gym rats. She was only 8.5 stone to start with so not overweight but she's lost over 1.5 stone and looks awful. She was never fat so it must of been the fact that I got her a gym membership for her good grades at school. I got her the membership in April it's amazing what can spiral out of control in 4 months sad

OhTheRoses Sun 04-Sep-16 23:00:26

I am deeply sorry you are in this place. GP may be able to help. Find out if CAMHS are fit for purpose where you live.

Young Minds may be able to help
Kooth & Co, on-line counselling
Relate - good quality, reasonably priced counselling
School counsellors

You need help and support to help you deal with this. Your DD is unwell, please don't minimise.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 23:01:57

I'm not convinced she doesn't have anorexia just because she's not on her death bed yet doesn't mean she's not anorexic. I am going to insist on a referral I think it's daft as the advice we are being given to help her gain weight hasn't worked as she was 6 stone 13 pounds when we went to our GP (3 weeks ago) and has lost another pound. It's not a huge amount but it is for someone so thin. Does anyone have any personal experience with CAMHS and would recommend them?
I don't know if we need to be contacting a mental health unit for teens or something soon as i don't know if she is suffering some depression or is she's just upset..?

ReallyShouldKnowBetterAtMyAge Sun 04-Sep-16 23:02:32

She is still very, very young. Please don't blame yourself sad
Does she like food? Do you get time to cook and bake, I don't, I work full time so it's a bit free for all with no control here.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 23:11:38

It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this but it's upsetting too. I'm sorry that you are going through this, I understand all to well how you feel. I'd be afraid to contact SS incase they took her away as she's so unhappy and perhaps they'd think I wasn't feeding her properly which I do even though she likes to make out that I feed her junk if I ask her to have some ice cream on a Friday night or a biscuit with her banana. I don't think she understands about having a variety of foods. I find it quite hard to open up to people about her eating disorder as I feel like they my label me as a bad mother. I know I need to tell her school when she goes back on Wednesday and probably the rest of the family. I hope you reach a happy end soon.
I will keep you in my

SideEye Sun 04-Sep-16 23:22:01

Please don't blame yourself. definitely see GP.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 23:24:07

Only fruit and veg these days.. I try to cook healthy meals 3 times a week but I work 5 days a week (9-2) and I have 5 children including a 4yr old and a special needs 15yr old so that's not always possible.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 23:25:49

Thank you!
I've been to the GP who unfortunately hasn't been to helpful and someone suggested she might of been wrongly diagnosed but I'm not sure. Thank you though.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 23:27:13

Thank you for the websites!

OhTheRoses Sun 04-Sep-16 23:27:26

GP refers into CAMHS. You and your DD need to see GP urgently. You also need to cook healthy, family meals every day.

PacificDogwod Sun 04-Sep-16 23:30:43

She must get specialist help - absolutely insist on a referral to CAMHS.

Also look up B-EAT website - you need to learn more about what disordered eating and relationship to food can look like.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 23:33:38

I do my best but there will be days were we have a takeaway or the oven chips and veggie fingers come out. Baked beans on toast and cheese on toast is also a dinner which is quick on day where I don't have the time. I do cook healthy meals like roast dinners and curries and casseroles.

ReallyShouldKnowBetterAtMyAge Sun 04-Sep-16 23:34:11

I promise you shouldn't be judged by seeking help via SS and GP, it's a myth that SS has an unbundance of places for troubled childern to go to.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 04-Sep-16 23:36:53

Thank you!

OhTheRoses Sun 04-Sep-16 23:38:53

The quick any easy meals you are suggesting are fine. Perhaps cut up a few tomatoes and throw on some salad leaves to go with.

lbab1702 Mon 05-Sep-16 06:39:24

My 16 year old dd is suffering in a similar way to your dd. Also lost a lot of weight rapidly and mentally unhappy and crying often etc. We are seeing CAHMS who so far have only gone on about her eating 3 meals and 3 snacks a day to get her weight up. They are not tackling her mental state at all yet. My dd had become vegan when this all started and also tracking all her food intake and was restricting to 500 calories per day! She's not following the meal plan that CAHMS suggested as its none vegan and full of junk food so not helpful, but she is trying to eat more and her weight seems to have stabilised and her energy levels are better. But I feel her mental state needs addressing in conjunction with her eating as she's scared of getting fat and is scared of fats, carbs and calories. Also doesn't like me cooking her food in case I add fats etc. It's all very mentally draining on me, and I am struggling on my own with this. I work full time but have had to have time off to be at home for meals. Please do get as much help as you can. It's a serious illness as I'm now learning and could take a very long time to recover from. I'm currently trying to get support for myself as I'm getting very down and run down with the stress of it all.

BigGreenOlives Mon 05-Sep-16 06:53:18

BEAT is a charity who will offer you assistance. Please take your daughter's mental health very seriously, her life will become more stressful as she reaches GCSE years and she needs support.

Lifeisshort123 Mon 05-Sep-16 10:54:49

Does youre daughter do her best to aviod junk food?
I worked out she was only consuming probably 1000-1200 calories a day which wasn't enough to sustain her whilst exercising. She should infact be eating 2000-2500 calories a day. She's got a very low body fat percentage which has gone up 1% but is still a very low 11% she has a fear of fat too. If I let her she'd always want low fat yougurt, fat free this and fat free that. I have a doctors appappointment at 4:30 today and am going to do my best to get her a referral. Thanks everyone for all the recommendations and more!

PacificDogwod Mon 05-Sep-16 22:13:19

How did you get on today, Life?

So many young people with anxiety/mood issues who end up having a disturbed relationship with food start with 'healthy eating' or 'becoming vegtarian/vegan' or 'the no S diet' - basically finding socially acceptable ways of restricting their food intake (and, btw, many v slim people, usually women, do exactly the same thing).
Eating disorders are not primarily about eating, they are about managing and overwhelming fear about the frightening uncertainties in life by controlling one of the few things a teenager has control over: what they put in their mouth.

I am not expert btw. IMO get the message across that there is NO such thing as 'bad' food. Have healthy real food in the house. Avoid low fat, sugar laden stuff if you can.
How does your daughter know what her body fat percentage is?? 11% is dangerously low and not healthy for a growing girl. Get rid of scales in the house. Does she menstruate?

I really hope she got a referral today because she certainly sounds like she needs help, and you need support in order to help her.

Lifeisshort123 Mon 05-Sep-16 23:16:57

We have a BFP scale in our house, it is very low and dangerous and I am so worried about her..
She did thankfully get a referral but she's NOT happy about it she turned vegetarian 3 months ago and she has gone over the top with eating in the past 6 months. We have been ok today, not to many tears thankfully but she's still been very down and withdrawn and I am still struggling to get her to eat more than 1200/1500 calories a day..

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