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DD's girl crush

(8 Posts)
QueenofQuirkiness Sun 28-Aug-16 21:23:45

My DD15 has told me that she thinks she has a crush on a girl and doesn't know how to act around her. I should start by mentioning that my DD has always been fairly sure she is straight, has had crushes on boys and has a male crush who she tells me she is 'talking' to (apparently this is what teens do nowadays to get in relationships confused)
Anyway, she has realised that she really admires and looks up to this girl, who is two years ahead of her at school, so in y13 this year, and has started wondering if she has a crush on her. She says she goes red when she looks at this girl for too long and feels happy when the girl talks to her etc. All of which seem to me the sort of behaviour a teen might exhibit if they had a crush?
I have told her that it's normal to have a girl crush during puberty, and showed her books like the Enid Blyton school stories, where lots of the girls seem to have girl crushes or idols, but she says she is confused now and doesn't know what this means. I have told her that whatever sexuality she is it wouldn't matter to me, and this might not necessarily mean she is bisexual, but I think some insight from others would be helpful so she can figure out her feelings. The girl in question has a boyfriend, and DD says she feels guilty for thinking about her this way, but I don't want to make her think liking girls is bad or unnatural

Stopmakingsense Mon 29-Aug-16 18:28:09

Sounds to me like you are doing all the right things!

Novemberfran Mon 29-Aug-16 20:28:51

Definitely you're doing the right things. I'd also tell her not to worry about things too much - she'll work out her feelings in the end - and just to enjoy the present for what it is.

Rainbowunicorn71 Mon 29-Aug-16 20:45:26

Just keep reiterating that it's 100% normal, it may or may not mean she has some same sex attraction long term but that's fine either way. We like, admire and are attracted to a wide variety of people throughout our lives and for all sorts of reasons.
Tell her that a good crush (where she isn't expected to act on it) can be great fun and can brighten her day. smile

milpool Mon 29-Aug-16 20:54:17

Sounds like you're handling it pretty well to me. It might be a one off, it might not, but either way it's completely normal. She's lucky to have you on side.

Foxsox Mon 29-Aug-16 20:57:03

Sounds like you are doing a great job of helping her through this.
I can't add any more but just wanted to say that.

MrsFionaCharming Mon 29-Aug-16 23:04:08

I think referring to it as a 'girl crush' and showing her kids books really isn't going to help. You can say that you're supportive, but if you're saying 'don't worry, you might not be bi' then you're actually being the opposite.

If she'd said that she had these thoughts about a boy, you wouldn't be saying those types of things.

The advice she needs about how to act around her is to be herself, but to remember that the girl has a boyfriend.

I'm sure you're trying your best, but having not experienced being a bi teenager, you may not realise how strongly society promotes heterosexuality and how hard it can be to come to terms with that.

booellesmum Mon 29-Aug-16 23:16:50

Apparently very few women are actually completely straight.
She needs reassuring that whatever she feels is ok, and she should just act around this girl like she normally would.Deciding where you fit sexually can be a bit of a long process, but it's not something to worry about.

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