What's a reasonable time for a 14 year old to be allowed out till?(18 Posts)
DD is 14 (and a half!). We live in an exceptionally safe, rural Welsh town. She and her friends have been allowed quite a bit of outdoor freedom since they were young. Some of her friends of a similar age are allowed to stay out until 11pm. So far, the latest we've allowed her out until is 10.30 during the holidays and 9.30 on school nights, as long as homework is done. We're thinking of upping the time to 10pm when she goes back to school this term. However, I never really know what's reasonable, as it varies a lot with her friends. It's not really safety I'm concerned about, but tiredness, and the slippery slope to later and later nights.
I think what your doing sounds fair. My DD doesn't go out on school nights (through choice non of them do ) in holidays and weekends I said 10.30-11 as long as I knew her plans and she kept in touch. Holidays are harder as she's 15 and a half now and "everyone else" is allowed out till 3
I'd want her in bed and having a quiet time (ie no screens) by 10 o'clock so I'd want her home by 9 or 9.30 at the latest. For that, I'd allow her out a bit later on Fridays and Saturdays as long as she can get home safely.
Out where and doing what? I wouldn't want my 15 year old ds just hanging around and we also live in a safe area. Different if he's at a mate's house.
Sounds fair and normal enough really, but it's up to you really. Some may say not just becuase they are "children" and it's dark outside, but I think it really comes down to each individual case circumstances mainly, as in their age, what area they are in, who they are with, do they have a phone on them, and if they have plans to do anything. Like for example, I don't see anything so bad about it if they are at the cinema watching a late film until 10pm or shopping around in town/at a mall (if it's open that is), but then if they are roaming the streets not doing anything, and even making themselves "vulnerable" to a point, is there any point in allowing them to stay out?...
Also depends on the area, allot of towns (especially large main regional/county towns) can be dodgy at night, and there is really no point in risking life and limb just to stay out for an extra few hours, but in other smaller towns and villages it's more relaxed. It's like in my case, my smallish local town (about 10,000 residents) has some things like a few open late "party" pubs, various takeaway food shops, a few big supermarkets, a converted barn with a disco inside (yes!) and there are plans for a small cinema, etc, but yet it's still pretty safe and "community" like, for example even a drunken fight on a Saturday night only happens maybe one a month, and allot of people know the local police officers by first name... But then there is a large coastal town (about 90,000 residents) about a 25 minute drive down the road that I have family and close relatives in, of which some parts can feel like you are walking through a Victorian-era London slum, and of which it feels like any 14 year old's there should be home by 7pm at the latest, and I would not really feel too comfortable with any teens/pre teens out in with out an adult after dark.
My 17 year old comes home at 9.30 on school nights unless there is something specific eg friends birthday. We agreed this between us as she needs a good nights sleep before school so goes to bed at 10.
At 14 she was never allowed to randomly hang out with friends. If there was something on guides, sports club, a cinema trip she was picked up when the finished approx 9-9.30.
What you're doing is fine. My 14 year old DD is 11 in holidays, 10 on school nights. It was the same for my 16 year old DD and 19 and 18 year old DSs at that age but once they left school they were allowed to stay out as late as they like as long as I knew where they were. They usually didn't stay out much later than when they had times to be home though.
I don't do this taking phones at night. I trust them to be responsible with it and that's worked out fine for us.
Out until 10 on a school night? Doing what?
At friends, at the park... It's still quite light out at 10. But they don't usually stay out that late, they just could if they wanted to.
As DameDiazepam, I would be wondering what they were doing at that time. Fair enough if it is a planned activity and you know where your DD is, but just hanging around at 14, I wouldn't be happy with.
I think 10 is far too late on a school
Night. She needs downtime. Even at weekends I would only allow 11 if at someone's house and I knew where.
Maybe as a teacher I hear too much about what the kids are actually up to ...
Like Dame D, and Meloncoley, for me, it's never been a case of having a set time, but of what they were doing.
I have 3, the youngest of whom is just about to turn 15, and I wouldn't be happy with any of them "just hanging about" in the evenings, even up to an earlier time. If they go out in the evenings, it's to go to a specific place or activity.
Then, the time they are expected in, depends on the time the thing they are doing, finishes. Also, depending on how many other late nights they've had, whether they've cracked on with homework on getting in from school / done some jobs to contribute to the homelife / etc. Also, how good they are at getting up in the morning. Where the hands are on the clock, has never been that important.
I left my allotment at 8.45 this evening and it was dark,no way would I want ds hanging around the park until 10- the devil makes work for idle hands, I'm only half joking when I say that.
I never had a curfew at that age - it was dependent on where I was and what I was doing. I think 10pm on a schoolnight sounds reasonable, though.
My ds (14, 15 in a couple of months) has to be home by 7pm for tea on a school night unless he is doing something specific. This is so we can have dinner together and he has time to do homework, guitar practice etc, and just spend time away from friends as I think it is actually quite stressful not having any down time. We dock his pocket money if he's late. He tells me I'm much stricter than friends' parents about curfews (and reading this thread I'm wondering if he's right) but if he has a specific thing to do - like a gig, or a club - he can be later. To be honest, I think 10pm is ridiculously late for a school night, especially with exams etc this year. I've told him that he will thank me when he's older for the 7pm curfew. I do think kids of that age need protecting from themselves a bit.
At weekends, default time is 10.30, but if he lets me know he is going to be later that's fine as long as I know where he is, so he could be home at 11.30 without a problem if he keeps in regular touch.
I think it's probably quite varied depending on where you live & the local culture.
I don't think kids should just be out 'roaming' especially after 7:30/8pm because there's feck all for them to do other than be bloody annoying somewhere. There's a bunch of them driving us all batshit at the moment, they just hang arounfpd the local shop/street shouting, swearing, having the most vile conversations....things the Mummies & Daddies would think their little darlings would do or say. The local police gave asked us to call 101 to let them know when it's happening because there's been a bit of low level vandelism (pulling out cabling of people's TV, kicking over bins, signs etc) too lately - and knocking on doors & either running away or being cheeky. We live in a very nice area & with lots of private schools & plummy voices.
But that aside, 'time wise' I'd say at 14 that 8pm is late enough to be out unless there's a club/event on, they need to be in bed & asleep not too long after that, to get a proper amount of sleep. Yep - call me old fashioned, but 14 year olds asleep at 9:30, gettng a decent amount of sleep, to me, is optimal.
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