Worried for my gay son

(6 Posts)
Dwp1965 Sun 21-Aug-16 09:07:19

My 14 year old son told me yesterday that he's gay ( I've known since he was little though ) I am totally behind him and so proud of him, however he hasn't seen his dad for over 3 years and just last month is back in contact he is so happy about this reconciliation, BUT I'm not sure how his dad will take the news and I don't want my son rejected all over again
Does he tell him ?

VioletBam Sun 21-Aug-16 09:10:23

I don't blame you for worrying. This is such an important and formative time in his life...but...remember this...whatever your ex says about it...however he FEELS about it....your son has you and he will cope with ALL life throws at him because of your support.

It's up to your son at this point. You will need to just stay aware of how he is feeling.

You could look up any local LGBT youth support services in the area too. My friend found his invaluable at this age.

8FencingWire Sun 21-Aug-16 09:14:16

I would tell his dad with instructions not to be an arsehole or he'll see the wrath of me. Then wait for your son to decide if he wants to bring it up himself.
Had he been 16 or older, I'd let the son handle the situation. But at 14 I think he could do with a bit of support, especially given your circumstances.
Well done to your son for coming out to you, it takes a lot!

VioletBam Sun 21-Aug-16 09:20:25

If the OP has a decent relationship with the ex then that's possibly a good idea...but she's not had any relationship with him by her post...and I don't think it's her business. Her son must decide...he's old enough to choose and manage it himself and I do feel, that for his personal sense of self, he should tell his Dad UNLESS the OP asks him and he would rather she did it.

Perhaps that's the way to go OP?

Feelingworriednow Sun 21-Aug-16 10:16:11

30 years ago my older brother came out when I was in my final year at uni. My dad was a senior army officer who was very much of the "it's disgusting and unnatural" viewpoint. He seriously thought it should still be illegal. I can't think of anybody who would be harder to tell!
Well he did tell him and I got the phone (funnily enough never mentioning 'gay' 'homosexual' or even 'queer' which was his usual phrase) asking me "what we should do about it". Now my dad was a scary man but I found the courage to tell him he had two choices, either accept it or never speak to him again because it wasn't going away. He chose the first option - I was surprised!
Now dad died about 15 years ago and my mum out of the blue told me he had "realised they are just like everyone else". OK not the most inclusive of statements but given the position he came from really quite miraculous!
Anyway the point of my ramble is that sometimes even the most unlikely people can surprise you given the opportunity. I think it really is up to your son to tell him and to do it face to face, but you should be there are well.
I have suspicions my 15 yo DD might be gay so this whole senario of how to tell her dad has been top of my mind too!

Dwp1965 Sun 21-Aug-16 11:59:02

All your support and great advice is invaluable Thankyou
I am going to speak to my son in a few weeks and let him decide what he wants to do
When he was little the ex said ( no son of mine is going to be gay ) as I could tell then that he possibly would be
He also said he would disown him, but rightly said he might have grown up over the years and see that it doesn't matter what his son devices to do with his life and should love him for who he is a kind loving boy
Fingers crossed eh

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