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Paying for things for older kids

(26 Posts)
Desmondo2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 12:49:19

We are off on hols tomorrow, 2 weeks in the sun fully paid for by DH and I for us, CD 20yrs, DD 18yrs and DD's boyfriend who's 18 and works fulltime. My DS is at uni and DD at college but both have good part-time jobs and earn decent money.

Just interested in opinions really... if you were I, would you be paying for meals out/on the ferry/at the drive thru on the journey for your 'big kids' who are still in education? I've told them due to the holiday costing us so much expecting a contribution to food when we get there (going self catering) and any meals out etc will be their expense, Inc breakfast on the ferry. It goes without saying DDs boyfriend is very grateful for the free holiday and fully expects to pay for himself along the way. But am I being tight 're my own kids? This is no issue this end, I'm just interested in whether I being a bit tight given they're in education.

Desmondo2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 12:50:12

For 'CD' read 'DS'!

AgentProvocateur Sat 13-Aug-16 12:53:35

We take our uni student DC away each year. We pay for the flights and accomm and evening meals/drinks. They pay for any food or drink they buy when we're not with them. They both live away from home and we don't fund their flats, so the holiday is a chance for us to be together and for them to get spoiled a bit (and eat proper meals!) I appreciate that we're lucky to be able to afford to do this. If money was an issue, I'd come to some other arrangement.

donajimena Sat 13-Aug-16 12:53:49

Id pay for meals but all the extras such as water/coke/ice cream etc I'd make them pay for themselves
I'd probably buy water with a meal thinking about it but the cost of soft drinks on our recent hols was staggering!

BurningBridges Sat 13-Aug-16 13:00:04

If money is an issue for you, or if you are concerned for any other reason, why did you pay for DD's boyfriend - now you are questioning paying for meals for your own DCs who are still in education? Can you DCs actually afford to buy their own meals? If they have to pay out so much money on the ferry/way out etc they'll be skint by the time they get there. I'd say when they are with you, you pay for meals - if they choose to go out alone, say the 3 of them want to go to a bar etc., they pay and as dona says above they can also pay for their own ice creams etc.

That also means you'll have to ask DD's boyfriend for cash every time you eat - I'd find that very awkward. Why have you left it so late to get this sorted - what if boyfriend doesn't bring, or even have, enough money?

maddiesparks Sat 13-Aug-16 13:03:17

When I was at uni if i went on holiday with my parents they paid for my accommodation and flights but we had a kitty we all put in for food and meals out etc. They didn't ask me for any money it's just what I offered and was excepted. At the time I had jobs throughout the holidays and every worked every weekend in a care home during term time. Seemed fair enough to me.

Desmondo2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 13:09:10

Ha ha pleased to see a typical mumsnet response from burning bridges. I could afford it and will be paying for the majority of the food for the meals we cook. Taking DDs boyfriend along hasmt actually pushed up the price much as we'd have had to have the same size villa anyway, maybe a slight premium for the ferry. My kids can easily afford it - they both have a healthy current account balance plus savings. I guess it just all feels a bit weird as it's the first time we've all been away together since they were grown up!

Desmondo2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 13:11:10

Actually having re-read burning bridges response I feel even more amused! I obviously haven't left it this late hence Every one already knowing what will be happening. So many assumptions! Its more of an internal moral question!

BurningBridges Sat 13-Aug-16 13:52:26

So you had no reason to ask any of the questions, you've got it all sorted. No wonder you're laughing at me. Imagine if posters did this all this time - you start a post "What shall I do, how about x y or z?" and then tell everyone "ha ha fooled you I didn't want opinions anyway"!! (particularly if they don't agree with whatever it is you had in mind)

Primaryteach87 Sat 13-Aug-16 14:09:01

^woah burning bridges. Having a bad day? Maybe have a cuppa before replying again.

PrettyBotanicals Sat 13-Aug-16 14:17:49

I think either have a kitty or a very straightforward conversation so that nobody misunderstands and there's no burning resentment grin

Personally, I'd rather just pay for everything apart from the times they go out alone for drinks/night clubs/whatever.

I find the 'usual MN' response to be more along the lines of 'WHAT?? They are over 8 years old?? They should be paying for their own flight/petrol/Calpol by now. When I was three, I was sole bread winner for the whole street' ad dreary infinitum.

I plan to keep treating my DC even when they're parents themselves.

Secretus Sat 13-Aug-16 16:55:11

I pay for pretty much everything.
We just took DS1, his GF and DS2 on holiday. All students. We paid for the holiday which included flight, hotel B&B, all meals out, drinks day and night and trips / entertainment.
I love their company on holiday and will continue to pay as long as they want to come with us. If cost was a problem I'd choose a cheaper holiday that I could afford.

Whathaveilost Sat 13-Aug-16 17:00:58

We go away with DS who is 20 and earning very good money, Ds2 who is 16 and works for his dad's company and their girlfriends. One is a student and the other is on minimum wage.

I usually pay for all the flights and accomadation and a few meals. I buy drinks. If try want day trips and the like they book that themselves.

Desmondo2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:15:02

Thanks for the opinions smile I'm far from tight and love spoiling my kids (and their other halves). I will just chill on it, pay for them when it suits and not feel guilty when it doesn't!

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Aug-16 19:24:39

You could pay for all food and have them pay for all drinks in the villa. I think it's good for them to contribute something and if they have to pay for their own alcohol it might slow them down a bit!

Desmondo2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 22:02:26

Haha there's no WAY I'm rich enough to fund their alcohol!

PennyAsset Sun 14-Aug-16 07:50:44

OP - you asked for opinions and got quite arsey with Burning when she gave a perfectly measured response confused

I'm curious to know how your kids are in full-time education but have healthy current and savings accounts. How have they managed this?Genuine question!

2gorgeousboys Sun 14-Aug-16 07:58:28

We have just returned from holiday with DSS and our DS1 and DS2. DSS is 20 and at University and this was the first time he's been on holiday with us in quite a few years. We paid for all meals and drinks for DSS just as we did for the boys (16 and 12). DSS bought a round of drinks whilst we were out one night and his brothers a couple of ice creams but other than that we paid for everything. Whilst he has a part time job and seems to have enough money, it didn't seem right to expect him to contribute to his food whilst we were away.

bakingaddict Sun 14-Aug-16 08:16:29

I too don't think Burning was being arsey, OP you asked for opinions and you got some no need to shoot people down in flames. FWIW I also think if you have organised this holiday for mainly young adults still in education then you should be paying for the majority of meals apart from when they want to go off alone. Why the internal moral angst at paying for a few meals on holiday for you own kids?

ExitPursuedByABear Sun 14-Aug-16 08:17:21

I am 57. My dad died in April. Whenever just he and I went out for a meal he always paid.

I went on holiday with them into my 30s and they always paid for meals out etc.

kilmuir Sun 14-Aug-16 08:27:15

All inclusive next time

Spottytop1 Sun 14-Aug-16 09:01:13

I tend to let them buy their own snacks & bits and pieces , I pay for most meals, but they like to club together to pay got one or two meals.

They also like to pay for the odd round of drinks etc.

Days trips- they pick and choose what they want to do & it's a mixture of whether I pay or they pay.

corythatwas Sun 14-Aug-16 11:14:39

I'd pay for meals if being on holiday with us made life more expensive than it would otherwise be. And given that my only adult child is very frugal- and has to be- that is almost certain to be the case. I appreciate that going on holiday with us might not be her first holiday choice, so at least I don't want it to leave her out of pocket.

musicposy Sun 14-Aug-16 11:57:02

We had similar, took DD 20, DDalmost 17 and DD's boyfriend 16 with us. Boyfriends parents gave us £100 which helped and we paid pretty much everything for all three. Certainly all meals out and days out/ admission fees. DD1 has healthy savings too (more than us) but she needs it for her future/ education more than we do. DD2 went off with boyfriend quite a bit and then they paid for any snacks/ sweets/ drinks/ general tat themselves.

Maybe I'm a pushover but I'd feel too mean offering a holiday and not funding it whilst they're all still in education. Once any of them are in full time work it'll be different.

spinduffy Fri 19-Aug-16 21:45:00


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