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17 y/o DD wanting to get pregnant

(24 Posts)
swaggamumma Thu 11-Aug-16 14:34:45

Hello guys I've come to this website because I am looking for advice and I feel that this would be the best place to come for it. I have just turned 31 and have two children and daughter and son 17 and 10 and am pregnant with my third who is due on Christmas day (my little miracle) , now as you can tell from my age I made some pretty bad life choices when I was younger and I fell pregnant at 14 y/o, now my daughter is fully aware of what happened and she said she wants to be like me and be a young mother but I do not want this! My childhood was ruined by my own personal faults and I could not be a typical teenager and move on to Uni, I want my daughter to do well in life and put a baby on hold till at least she is married... any help?

HyunaRiddle Thu 11-Aug-16 14:38:12

Why does she want to have a child? Can she support one? Does she have a partner/boyfriend? at 17 all you can really do is try & talk to her and make her see sense

swaggamumma Thu 11-Aug-16 14:48:29

She says she likes the fact of being a youthful mother like me but she does not understand how terrible it is ! she has a boyfriend who she has been with since she was 14, ive tried talking but she doesnt listen sad

gamerchick Thu 11-Aug-16 14:49:55

Let her practise when your baby comes? Wake her up every night for feeds and nappy changes for a few months?

LaurieFairyCake Thu 11-Aug-16 14:52:03

Ask her where she plans to live, how she plans to support the cost of having a child.

Make it clear she will have to live elsewhere.

swaggamumma Thu 11-Aug-16 14:53:05

hmm yes I had not considered that, what a good idea to show her a insight of what she would be getting herself into

ILoveMyMonkey Thu 11-Aug-16 14:53:54

As you're pregnant I would strongly recommend to her that she wait until the new baby arrives and can see what it's really like, get her to be hands on, wake her up in the night whenever you have to be up, get her to shadow your every move (or if you feel comfortable then get her to play mum for a week and sit back and leave her to it) - the realities of night wakings, nappies, no freedom etc will soon make her reslise that it's not all a bed of roses.

TinklyLittleLaugh Thu 11-Aug-16 14:54:18

That sounds really difficult for you Swagga. Gamers suggestion is a good one though. Point out to her maybe that her boyfriend is likely to head for the hills at some point.

You must've been a really great young mum if she can't see the negatives.

swaggamumma Thu 11-Aug-16 14:54:20

she does not have a job so I know my self currently that she could not afford to care for it

ILoveMyMonkey Thu 11-Aug-16 14:55:03

Crosspost gamer grin

swaggamumma Thu 11-Aug-16 14:57:12

I think I will try her out with my new baby when she comes in December and like suggested let her have a taste of what it is like

AndNowItsSeven Thu 11-Aug-16 15:00:05

It was. It your fault that you had a baby at 14, you were just a child.

AndNowItsSeven Thu 11-Aug-16 15:01:32

If she does become pregnant please don't make her live elsewhere, she will need your support.

PortiaCastis Thu 11-Aug-16 15:02:41

No just No!!!!! I had my first at 18 because of a contracetption failure. Fortunately I have a supportive family who helped me a lot and I went to uni when I was 20.
A child at 17 isn't necessary take her to the surgery for contraception advice.
Borrow a virtual baby asap and make her look after it, or make her look after her new sibling.
There's only one sure fire way of preventing pregnancy and that's abstention.

eurochick Thu 11-Aug-16 15:03:19

Make sure you share all the most glamorous bits of pregnancy with her - the leaky boobs, the piles, etc.

swaggamumma Thu 11-Aug-16 15:06:13

I wont kick her out if she gets pregnant I will stay and support her as I know myself that you need all the support you can get, I will try many of the suggested methods to try and make her put it on hold

Kennington Thu 11-Aug-16 15:09:45

I would have been put off the whole thing at 34 if someone had given me the details on haemorrhoids and third degree tears. Perhaps this might dissuade her. Plus the grinding expense!

PortiaCastis Thu 11-Aug-16 15:10:21

Tell her to tell him to put it on hold!

swaggamumma Thu 11-Aug-16 15:13:00

I have done and she says she finds that I am being ironic telling her to not have children when I was only 14 myself when I had my first. But i want her to live I want her to have the childhood I never had

PortiaCastis Thu 11-Aug-16 15:17:50

Well if she wants that life she will have to watch those pink piggies flying past the window

crje Thu 11-Aug-16 15:23:59

How to put her off without having telling her she was a big mistake!!
That's a difficult one!
I had my son at 20(unplanned)he is that age now & I see how young that is. I'd have live to have had more time.
Tell her you would prefer if she was older. She needs to get a job , the money will be a huge insentive to stay working. Do tell her the physical downsides. Ask her to wait until your baby is older as two babies in the house will be too much . Hopefully the reality check will make her wait.

gamerchick Thu 11-Aug-16 15:28:52

I know it's always received a bit squiffy on here (me included) but could you maybe have her as a birth partner? If she sees how violent for want of a better word' it really is giving birth it might really put her off until it fades in her head.

I'm just suggesting as people are different, it isn't something I could have done I don't think.

madgingermunchkin Thu 11-Aug-16 15:42:17

Have her as a birth partner. Get her up in the night, give her a good long look at what life will really be like if/when she has a baby. Sit down and go through monthly expenses with her and let her see how expensive it is.

And I would be one who would make it clear that although you love her endlessly, if you had the chance to go back and do it again, you would do it differently and probably wouldn't keep her/have her adopted because it was just so hard. Hopefully that will shock her back to reality.

eyebrowsonfleek Thu 18-Aug-16 17:27:56

Could you apply to her vanity and talk about stretch marks, bladder and issues?

What about explaining to her about having to wake hourly and cleaning poo and vomit? If she's squeamish about cleaning the toilet then how's she going to clean diahrrea (off mattresses and carpets!) when the baby's ill or teething?

Not to mention the financial cost. Would she spend her last fiver on her child rather than herself? Would she really sacrifice going out with friends (can't take babies to adult movies or out clubbing/drinking)

I think that if you talk to her about how she imagines things, it will be totally unrealistic. As a big sister she gets the good parts- cuddles rather than whinging, playing rather than being tired...

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