What do I do with DS 17, he doesn't come home.

[MargotFenring]

My DS has mild aspergers, but is generally okay. He did not cope with GCSES last year and ran away from home and did not sit his exams, to live with a girl who was pregnant with another lads baby. He was gone 9 months and only came back a month after the relationship had ended and she was seeing his best friend.

He says there are no problems with me, his stepdad or anything at home - that he just wanted to get away.

He smokes but doesn't really drink and doesn't do drugs. He has started to stay out at night, at a friend's or a girls or wherever, but has stopped telling or asking us. He is not working and has no money other than if I give him any.

He has been gone since Friday. One text to say he was okay and 'forgot' to call. His friend confirms he is with him but he doesn't pick up his phone and is now ignoring my texts.

It really upsets me. I have tried everything. Screaming, shouting, calm talks, gentle gentle, punishments like having his phone disconnected, praise and reward when he is on form, quality one on one time, space when needed..... But nothing. He is so passive aggressive in his slow, don't give a shit approach. It breaks my heart.

My DH (his step dad) gets really angry at the situation but doesn't really yell at DS or anything. If he sees me upset that makes him really mad at DS but he tells at me about what a selfish prick DS is but doesn't do much else. So I have the stress of DS being AWOL again, and then DH losing his temper at me about what DS is doing. He really gets angry and shouts. When I tell him not to or get angry back we end up rowing. I am not defensive of DS but do t see why DH should be yelling at me. It's not like I am doing nothing. I am at my wit's end.

Anyone else have anything similar happen or any advice?

[booksandcoffee]

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. It sounds as if your DH feels impotent in the situation and so takes it out on his nearest and dearest, you. That is not to justify his actions though and perhaps it is time to talk about it during a calmer moment and ask him to stop doing it. What little experience I have of people with aspergers has suggested that younger ones in particular just can't grasp the emotional consequences of their own actions and in actions. I can'tell give any advice, but perhaps the Aspergers Syndrome Foundation or similar can help you. Good luck.

[booksandcoffee]

Any news?

[MargotFenring]

He phoned last night and said he just freaked out as he knew he was in trouble so avoided coming home. I lost my temper and had a go at him, telling him he couldn't walk through life pissing people off then avoiding them in case they reacted. He didn't come home but posted pics on facebook of him and his friend goofing about. DH apologised last night. Snapped again tonight and apologised again and that is where we are at. We are away this weekend and DH is on about telling him he can't come home why we are away.... I am having a glass of wine...