Oh my- does my daughter need to be sectioned??

[Kidsruinedmylife]

This is my first post on here and I'm hoping to get some useful advice! I genuinely don't know what to do.

Have been having issues with my 14yo dd for the past 18 months or so. She has tried several times to commit suicide /taken overdoses/ run away etc etc. She sees CAMHS who do see her regularly but have been utterly crap IMHO. A lot of the behaviour comes across as being attention seeking etc, she obviously does have big highs and lows in mood- to be honest no one knows what's going on with her but she's all over the place with manipulating people for her own ends as it seems to me. At the moment she is waiting to be assessed to see if she is on the autistic spectrum. I don't know personally, I'm not an expert but I think it may be something else.

She recently came out as gay (which has been pretty obvious since she was about 8!) - not a problem and I'm glad she has. However she has been cultivating this friendship with a girl for the last year or so and I can only describe it as turning quite toxic over the last few months. Obviously being teenage they keep everything hidden however I have spoken the the mum of this other girl tonight and it turns out that my daughter has been emotionally blackmailing this girl, basically trying to force her to be gay (she's not)- pestering her and trying to kiss her every opportunity, telling her it can be their secret etc. Complete obsessive emotionally abusive behavior and this other girl's mum has said her dd is acting like a classic victim, saying it's her fault somehow etc when it isn't.

This other girl is basically a nice girl and has been backed into a corner- my daughter has told her she will kill herself if she leaves her etc and indeed has ended up in hospital because of it, although she has lied about it and said to everyone that's not the reason why but piecing together the information I'm pretty sure it is!! She has told me nothing herself but I have read her FB messages which basically confirm it and the other girl has done nothing wrong at all.

So anyway, I have spoke to mum of this other girl this evening who has said she asked her daughter what was going on and she was told all this, and that her daughter has told mine that she cannot handle it to which my daughter has said she will hang herself. Also, and quite rightly, the other parent is wanting to stop them from seeing each other which I quite agree with BUT I am absolutely petrified of what my daughter will do when she finds out, she is perfectly capable of doing herself serious harm. I have asked the other mum to not say anything til tomorrow and I will get to the doctors for an urgent appointment - I feel she will be a danger to herself and that actually she needs to be assessed as there is something very wrong.

Just to complicate matters, my dd is currently living at my DM most of the time- again as far as I can see it's part of a long winded attempt to get herself sent to the same school as this other girl (NOT HAPPENING!) But it makes it quite hard to keep tabs on what she is doing although mother is in the loop.

Has anyone got ANY suggestions on what to do with her??

[iremembericod]

You do have to take her threats seriously.

Have you talked with her about her feelings and behaviour?

I'd say she needs some emergency counselling support which CAMHs 'should' provide but is patchy I know. A GP visit at the bare minimum is definitely required with absolute openness about her threats to take her own life.

All parental controls need to be on her phone so she cannot find a way to tie a noose.

Attention seeking is a negative way for you to describe her behaviour but yes she needs some attention, quick.

[iremembericod]

Papyrus have a helpline to deal with suicidal teenagers.

www.papyrus-uk.org/help-advice/about-hopelineuk

[Kidsruinedmylife]

Sorry, I know attention seeking may be an incorrect way to describe her behaviour, but I do absolutely take her threats seriously. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about what I've discovered tonight, but I am very worried about how she will react to being told she can no longer see this girl. Part of the problem is that she doesnt talk and will tell you everything is fine, she does the same to therapists etc they cannot get "inside". A lot of the things she has done have been very impulsive- like going off to school seeming perfectly fine then getting a call an hour later to say she isn't there and she's just gone off and taken a big overdose "just because". I have been begging for help from CAMHS for her, but as I said they really haven't achieved much in 18 months . Am just at my wits end really and worried about my girl.

[NigellasGuest]

Is there any way you can go privately to a psychiatrist - I ended up having to do this when CAMHS were useless with my DD- I understand that may not be possible though.

I found the MIND website helpful - and I think there are helpline no's on it too
www.mind.org.uk/

you must feel so panicked and frightened my heart goes out to you

[FellOutOfBed2wice]

I had a friend like this- I was the non gay friend she was trying to get to be gay and on the end of all the threats. I walked away in the end when we were 16, we were going to separate places for sixth form and I had just had enough, couldn't take another day of her. She ended up being sectioned after an overdose- one of many- but moved on to another girl quickly before that happened. She did receive the help she needed though post sectioning and a stay on a psych ward and from what I've heard is fine now-20 odd years later- and bizarrely married to a man. Her Mum marched her down the GP in the end and insisted they do something as previously it had been a lot of wishy washy counselling and advice from CAHMS (or the equivalent back then) that didn't do much to help.

Your DD isn't at an all girls school is she, OP? That definitely added fuel to my friends fire. She had huge highs and lows of mood apparently surrounding her sexuality but the intensity of female friendships did not help that.

[Kidsruinedmylife]

No she isn't at an all girls school- she has however never really had any friends who are girls up until this point in her life. She has always been a real tomboy. She seems to have gotten utterly obsessed with this girl and their "friendship" . She has told this girl a pack of lies to keep her near, saying that people have "always left her and you'll do the same" "I may as well just go and kill myself" ( I have seen these messages, it's not true that people have always left her, she has the same bunch of mates - boys - that she's knocked about with since she was in reception year! She has also got a pretty stable family background) As stated before I worried that she will carry through on her threat to hang herself, especially when her friends mum stops contact

[t875]

I would take her A & E and let then know you are worried for her state of mind.
My word how awful you poor thing. Your poor daughter as well. It must a so unbelievably worrying for you and your family.
I would phone young minds too. I have phoned them for anxiety and low moods for our dd and they were helpful. Not sure if they can help with other heavier issues.

I don't always think medication. Is the answer but maybe she might need something. Also with our dd we put her on evening primrose oil fish oils and we have found she has being doing better to rationalise her anxiety more.
Hope she can get help to get her through this dark time x

[daisysue2]

I wouLd ask CAMHS for her to be assessed for a personality disorder she sounds as if she may be either Borderline PD or emotionally unstable PD. This doesn't sound like attention seeking at all. Just my area of expertise and from your post it just sends some red flags up for me. If she gets a diagnosis most CAMHS have a PD service which would include groups and therapy, just keep pushing for emergency appointment. Hope you find some help.