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Dealing with friends you don't like.

(7 Posts)
OldJoseph Tue 19-Jul-16 20:01:19

DD is friends with a girl in her class. This girl has been in significant trouble at school; she's been moved into DD's class for doing something nasty to another girl in her original form. They are in year 8.

Since she moved into DD's class DD has lost some of her other friends because of her association and relentless defense of her new friend. Her new friend has said really unpleasant things about DD's friends which DD either ignores or excuses 'she didn't mean it, she was only joking'.
So now it's DD and her new best friend on their own a lot of the time. My experience of her new best friend is relatively positive, she's generally polite although I've seen a glimpse of her unpleasant side too.
I would love them not to be friends as I don't see this relationship as healthy. DD has spent some time with her new friend and her family (all good) but I know I'm going to be badgered into sleepovers and so on at my house. So should I treat her as any other friend, invites for tea and so on or make my opinion on their friendship crystal clear?
I've already told DD that I think their friendship has resulted in her losing her other friends. DD denies it but I know it's true. I've done teas / sleepovers and so on over the years to encourage a wide circle of friends, it hasn't worked so I don't see why I should do them for a friend I'm not
keen on? However, we'll soon owe the other family,for want of a better expression, a tea at least.
My current stance is that a) a sleepover is unnecessary because new friends is local but b) IF there's no more trouble as a result of their friendship I might consider it. Since DD and her new friend are now quite isolated from the rest of the year group there's unlikely to be trouble, simply because they've upset most of the other friends.

So, how do you deal with the friends you don't like but your children think are great?

lljkk Tue 19-Jul-16 20:41:45

You could end up being a good influence on the other girl.

OldJoseph Tue 19-Jul-16 22:09:39

Hum, I think if I'd been a decent influence on my DD I wouldn't be in this pickle, she'd have seen through this friend and her unpleasant / manipulative ways months ago.

Not sure I'm going to influence someone else's DD very successfully.

Whenwillthisphaseend Wed 20-Jul-16 07:09:05

I've been there twice and DD is now 15 and still hasn't learnt. She , like your DD never joined in with the botching etc when she was in year 8/9 but in year 10 she's exactly the same as these "friends" they turn on each other regularly. Just keep saying to DD it's nice to have a best friend but encourage other friendships constantly, as when they put their all into someone and it goes wrong other teens are reluctant to welcome them back with open arms, instead it's the "you ditched us" stuff. unfortunately you can only advise them so much , my DD never listened and always knew best and is yet to learn from her mistakes it's frustrating but sometimes you have to step back. DD is currently in a situation where she has no friends after this girl and her fell out and got others to turn on DD , it's very painful to watch but if they think they are right they'll go with it till there's a massive drama.

Ledkr Wed 20-Jul-16 07:14:51

Similar to previous poster here. Dd is currently pretty isolated and experiencing low level bullying due to a pack turning in her!
It's all drama with girls.
When did had a friend i wasn't keen on I just made that clear to her and explained that although I couldn't stop it if not be doing sleepovers etc. It was short lived and now the girl is vile to her using things she saw it found out during their short friendship shock

OldJoseph Wed 20-Jul-16 08:04:25

Thanks for replying.

The new friend has already sent a really nasty text to DD, but they managed to make up again. Nasty friend's house is on the market and although I think she'll still go to DD's school, the sooner they move a drive away, the better.

I'm going to stick to my guns re: sleepover and say I don't trust her friend. DD has one other good friend (she's lovely) but how long she'll stick around with the other girl, I don't know. I'm not optimistic. Hopefully she's pretty tough skinned.

Whenwillthisphaseend Wed 20-Jul-16 08:27:35

Ledkr exactly the same here, she fell out with one, they all took her side and pushed DD out. Her phone is constantly pinging with "why did you say X about me to Y" "Is it true you did X" and a few abusive ones. I started a thread about it, dreading the long summer holidays!!

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