Teenage party - should I have done more?(41 Posts)
My 16 year old had her 16th party last night. She's one of the youngest in class so all 16 or nearly 17. It ran 8-12, they had the kitchen and garden and parents stayed in the lounge. I went through to get a drink or snack every so often and walked through garden to take dog out etc.
Near the end of the party I went in kitchen, turned lights on and watched as people were ready to go. Made sure people had lifts or walking in groups home. One lad was drunk. He couldn't walk very well and he was going to walk with his group of friends home. We live in a small town, he lived about 3 miles away in a tiny village, no pavements etc for last 2 miles so I wouldn't have it. Got a sick bowl and dropped him and his friends home. He was sick on the way home and I stopped to empty the bowl. Rang his doorbell and told his parents he was worse for wear and I had brought him home. They were obviously furious. Asked me what he had drunk, I said cider but didn't actually know. They were very off with me, didn't thank me for bringing him home and kept saying how much trouble he would be in. I said maybe it was his chance to learn, we all so it etc but seemed to make it worse!
There were 60 people at the party.
My question is - should I have spent all night going around checking what people were drinking and the condition they were in? (She's my oldest and first party we've had).
I put out plastic cups so people could drink water and put snacks out. We both walked through regularly but I didn't go up to every person and check on them specifically. Should I of? I feel a bit worried I have not been very responsible.
I do not think you should have done more. You were responsible and kept and eye on them and made sure they were all ok to gt home.
If it had been my DS you had brought home I would have been very grateful. Maybe they were embarrassed.
If they are 16 I would be expecting them to drink. They can also get drunk quite quickly if they are not used to it. A lot of them will sneak spirits in too and that is what causes the problems. If they did not want their son to drink they should not have let him go to a 16th Birthday party.
You sound extremely responsible to me. My three have to been to loads of parties where there were no parents present at all. Someone always gets wrecked. His parents aren't living in the real world. I'd have been very grateful to you.
Very responsible. On behalf of other parents with teenagers thank you!
My only query would be who provided the alcohol? This age group is a minefield. I've never quite understood the law - I don't think it's illegal for under 18s to drink at home but it is illegal to buy alcohol on behalf of an under 18.
Anyway as a mother of an just 18 year old who has had a few very drunken incidents over the last couple of years, I would have been extremely grateful that you delivered safely to my door.
They may just have been miffed and embarrassed that he got that bad at your house, but expressed it badly. I'd be grateful you brought him home too, and at that age I can't think what else you could have done.
You were perfect, the parents sounded a bit off. Hopefully this morning they're feeling more grateful!
I think you dealt with it brilliantly.
You hear of so many parents that let 16 year olds have a party and the parents go out and leave them to it and it all goes horribly wrong but, in your case, you were monitoring it from a distance, made sure the boy got home safely etc.
The parents of the boy will probably thank you eventually but they're probably so cross with their son right now and maybe embarrassed too.
You did exactly what I would have done. And it sounds like a completely normal teenage party to me. The token drunk teen who didn't know his limits, there's always one!
Hmm. I can see both sides. Did you supply the alcohol? Could you have spotted he was dangerously drunk earlier in the evening and called his folks to come and get him? You're a braver woman than I holding a teen party for 60 underage drinkers. Many parents would hold you responsible. Hope the damage was limited to a few hangovers.
I'd have been motified if my ds was brought home in that state by a friend's parent and would have apologised profusely and been extremely grateful - then made ds write an apology and thank you letter to them.
Their ds may not have got into this state before and so you seem to be the easy one to blame.
I'd want to know where he got the alcohol- why did you say he'd drunk cider when you didn't know?
I think having a party for 60 is irresponsible imo as you can't keep a close enough eye on them.
I wouldn't have been happy about you making jokes,I'd have apologised if it were me and I'd have been furious with ds for being so bladdered he puked.
You live and learn but I can't really blame the parents for being pissed off , they're 16 not 17 going on 18.
Bet he had a banging head the next day!!
My DD had a 16th birthday party - it was carnage
I didn't supply any alcohol at all, just soft drinks but they obviously snuck it in .
Crikey your house is big too fit 60 teenagers in.
I would have thanked you for bringing my teen home and that would be it. He'll be suffering the consequences this morning.
I didn't supply any booze, they all bring their own and all the bottle I saw were raspberry cider and the like and cans of beer but going through the garden this morning I did see some plastic bottles which probably contained some vodka mixed with coke. I honestly couldn't say what each individual person drank so I asked his friends who were holding the sick bowl as I drove what he drank and they said cider so I had to go on what they told me. I honestly wasn't making jokes when I said he will have to learn from this experience, to me that was the only thing to say, as this age they do have to learn their limits.
I was very nervous if so many people being there but don't know if there was 40 if I would have had much more idea what they were drinking etc.
God I have 4 kids, the thought of doing this many times over is really appealing!!
Surely it's better they were under the watchful eye (to an extent) of a parent than drinking by the bus stops / on the village green?
Teenagers drink. To my mind it's better he over indulges now than at 18 as he is still living at home with friends who have known him for ages and are more likely to look after him.
His parents are perhaps naive as to what 16 year olds get up to.
You were very good to take him home. I would have been mortified if it was my daughter being brought home in that state and would have apologised profusely to you and thanked you, very grateful you had thought to make sure she was safe.
As for the alcohol, no you shouldn't be going round monitoring peoples alcohol intake. It's down to them to make sure they don't go overboard and down to the parents to teach their own teens about responsible drinking.
Thank you so much everyone, I get the impression that I did OK! It just occurred to me today that maybe I should have gone around sniffing everyone's drink and making them walk in a straight line!!
I totally agree that in a way he was lucky, he had lovely friends who were well prepared to hold his sick bowl and prop him up, they were extremely polite and apologetic on his behalf. In fact all the kids left and were thanking us for having them etc, I just kept thinking what a lovely bunch they were!
My dc are younger than yours so I'm a fair few years away from teenage parties. But I have made a mental note of your approach as I think you got it spot on. Thanks.
His parents are hugely unreasonable! And in for far worse in the future!
You sound like a great mum and if this was the worst at the party, then you're winning.
You were spot on. IME at this age this is par for the course. They all bring fruit cider (by 18 they have progressed to vodka)
Although I would have phoned the parent to collect him.
There is always one at every party who does this. I remember DS2 telling me about one where his friend was very drunk and very ill. The host's mum was "a star" apparently for looking after the lad until his parents came.
You did nothing wrong, but you are exceptionally brave. DD has begged me for a "gathering" for ages but I'm
To scared of what might happen. I know of 3 of her friends who were allowed them every single one had gate crashers, fights , stolen goods and police- not all at one party but at least one of those traumas each plus trashed houses, so all in all it sounds very tame.
It's normal for teenagers of this age to drink at parties. It's sensible for them to experience it to an extent, within reason obv, before they go off to university - I'm sure we all know the mollycoddled sixth former who went of the rails at university because he/she didn't know how to handle newfound freedom, having had none whatsoever before. Your daughter will do ok, as will this boy, because the apron strings have been loosened in a sensible way and they'll make most of their silly mistakes over the next two years when their parents will be there to guide/monitor. His parents should've been more grateful and less churlish - they were embarrassed, I bet.
I have a 15yo and an almost 17yo and I think you did exactly the right thing. If it was either of mine I would have been over-joyed and eternally grateful for you having brought them home safely. And I would have made sure they also grovelling to you for your kindness.
Teens are going to drink. Presumably the parents knew he was going to a party. You didn't supply any alcohol. He was entirely responsible for whatever it was that he drank.
The parents were rude and naive.
User444, I was nervous too!! My stipulation was it was not to go on any open post on Facebook and so only those invited were allowed in (saying that we didn't have to test that as no one uninvited turned up!!). Everyone knew parents were in the house as we walked through and there were signs up (lounge door had 'parents in here do not go in' on it!). I put a stairgate on the stairs so no one could disappear upstairs (another note on that one too!). I think a 'gathering' is a good way to start and test the waters!
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