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Where has my lovely dd gone?

(18 Posts)
Dancergirl Thu 14-Jul-16 20:14:08

Dd2 is 13. She has changed more or less overnight from a sweet, kind-hearted, thoughtful, affectionate girl who adored her mum into a moody, sulky, glaring, sarky teen and now I can't do or say anything right.

I have the fab book Get out of my life.... and it's almost textbook!

She's been having a few ongoing issues with friendships which up to a few weeks ago, talked to me about in depth. Now she's completely closed up and won't talk at all. Rude and snappy to me, dh and her sisters.

So what's the best way to handle all this? Just ignore the attitude?

Please tell me I'm not alone. Have you had this with your dd and come out the other side?

feelingmiffed Thu 14-Jul-16 20:18:06

Has she gone to the same place as my moody soon to be 13yr old Son?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying seeing him mature now he's in secondary school but the grumpiness and meltdowns are driving me nuts!!!

No advice, sorry, instead I'm waiting for someone to come along and tell us all that there's light at the end of the tunnel once they're 20

Lilly948204 Thu 14-Jul-16 20:27:37

Ha ha and now try to imagine getting 30 of these hormonal beasties to sit down and do 60 minutes of hard work.

Totally normal :-)

Sorry I don't have any helpful advice, I guess as a parent a DT doesn't really work.

Dancergirl Thu 14-Jul-16 20:42:34

Thanks, glad to have the support on here. lilly I don't envy you!

Dancergirl Thu 14-Jul-16 20:42:50

Might head over to the support thread smile

pasanda Fri 15-Jul-16 10:07:50

My 12 year old dd is heading in the same direction. She used to 'reserve cuddle time' in her bed when I went to say goodnight and insist that I get in bed with her so we could have a chat. Six months ago probably.

Now I go in to say goodnight and she hides under the duvet so I can't kiss her sad

She is bitchy and rude to us all and the 8 year old dt's seem to come off worse which is horrible because they don't understand where their lovely sister has gone. They tread on eggshells around her instead.

You have my sympathy.

Dancergirl Fri 15-Jul-16 10:42:22

flowers pasanda I also have a younger dd who is also very confused about her sister. She thinks being a teenager sucks!

Dd had a huge crying fit last night, I thought it was best to leave her get it all out her system, but eventually I went in and she wanted a cuddle and talk. She can be quite articulate when she's in the right mood. Teens give the impression of being grown up and not needing you so much, but they do actually need you more than ever. But they won't always admit it.

teacherwith2kids Fri 15-Jul-16 10:47:02

Oh yes, I've had one of those. Tbh DD (13) was worse about a year ago than she is now.

Is DD2 your dancer? Or DD1? With DD, who also dances, have found that the pressure to 'be very grown up, dedicated and single minded' at dance (she's in classes with girls older to much older than her) means that at home we got a concentrated version of stroppy, uncertain pre-teen / teen

Dancergirl Fri 15-Jul-16 11:11:30

I am impressed with your memory teacher! No it's dd1 who dances. Glad I'm not alone!

teacherwith2kids Fri 15-Jul-16 11:23:02

[Your username is a bit of a memory-jogger...]

Dancergirl Fri 15-Jul-16 11:30:52

Oh yes! grin blush

ImperialBlether Fri 15-Jul-16 11:41:34

A few tips from someone's who's come out the other side:

If you drive, talk to her about things when you're in the car together. It's less intense as you're not eye-to-eye.

Have an hour a night where she comes downstairs and watches something on television with you - box sets are good for that - it has to be something she likes and you can endure (but make it look as though you like it, but not as though you like it too much, otherwise she'll go off it. It's like walking on a tightrope - get used to it!)

Ask her advice on things. This could be what clothing suits you, what you should do about something etc. Give her a bit of importance.

Try to do something else together every week - exercise DVD, a walk (doubtful - she won't want to be seen with you - maybe a walk in the dark?!) - doing nails, reading the same book etc. If you take up a craft make sure you watch young people on YouTube showing you how to do it - she's more likely to take notice and do the same thing if you don't seem to know what's what.

Expect there to be one girl around who makes her life hell - this may well be her best friend. Always sympathise with your daughter. Never say you dislike the friend (that will come back to bite you on the bum.)

Pick your battles - some things really aren't worth bothering about.

FarAwayHills Fri 15-Jul-16 14:54:37

Excellent advice Imperial

DD loves to talk about clothes and nails and often I'm not remotely interested but I go along with it just because it's an opportunity to talk.

Dancergirl Fri 15-Jul-16 18:44:18

imperial I do quite a few of those things already. With 3 dds, I think it's really important to spend time with each one individually. Dd2 and I often pop out for an ice cream or to Costa, or we'll sit and watch something on tv together. Difficult to do the last one though just her and me because dd1 is often around.

justcallmemarypoppins Fri 15-Jul-16 20:42:47

Ah I need help too. My DD is 13.5 and she's turned into someone I don't recognise over last few months.

She used to talk to me, ask my opinion, I've always been open and honest on everything, never stopped her doing anything unless it really couldn't happen. Now she just is absorbed on her phone, mainly Instagram which I think is partly to blame. (Regret letting her have it now).

She's becoming very self absorbed, vain and wanting to look perfect. She is naturally stunning, but this morning screamed at me when I said no AGAIN to makeup for school that she needs it to feel good about herself. WTF do I do with that? How do I teach her to love herself?

She screams at me 'why can't you let me be normal' 'why can't you be like other mums'

I'm worried for her. Her whole generation. They all post selfies, that are perfectly posed, good lighting, pouting, good angle etc etc. Then comes torrent of
Get ugly
You're so beautiful
Etc etc
There's no naturalness, no honesty. It's all perfect.


Stopyourhavering Fri 15-Jul-16 21:41:59

My dd2 was exactly like your daughter OP, there was shouting, drunken behaviour, being brought home by police 1 evening 🙀........she's now 19 finished first yr Uni with a 2:1 when I even doubted she would pass her GCSEs....hang in there, she will return as will the fun and laughter
Try not to antagonise her too much, offer support, chocolate and let her have friends to stay - even though you may not like them -
It's really tough with Instagram , snapchat etc.....I do feel sorry for teenagers these days.....I hate to think how I would have coped if it had been around in my youth!

Knittedfrog Fri 15-Jul-16 21:50:29

Ahhhh, she's entered the tunnel!
They all go in the tunnel, she'll come out the other end at about 19. A couple of years earlier, if you're lucky!wink

forcryinoutloud Thu 21-Jul-16 19:15:37

but make it look as though you like it, but not as though you like it too much, otherwise she'll go off it.

LOL at that Imperial grin. You give some fab advice, great post.

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