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Sleeping with gf

(19 Posts)
16YearOldTeen Fri 24-Jun-16 22:44:48

Hello so as u can guess from my username this is a bit different im a 16 year old boy and i have been dating my gf for a long time now and me and her along with our friends believe that at 16 we should be allowed to sleep together (yes i do mean sleep not have sex) when we have sleepovers but i feel like my mum lacks trust in me as she has said no way till 18 years old and she does not care how her saying that makes me feel i already full discarded as a family member since the birth of my sisters baby i normally stay in my room and then go down when im home alone or at night the reasons for this is i dont feel part of the family i distance myself from them

The Question is would you let your 16 year old son sleep with his 16 year old girlfriend

Additional info to take in to consideration:
- i have Depression
- i have Anxiety
- Sleeping With Some one you love facts

Alvah Sat 25-Jun-16 12:30:45

I don't have an issue with this, but then I am perhaps a quite liberal parent in comparison to the 'norm'. I think it is perfectly fine and also find your attached article about Sleeping with someone you love interesting. I believe in having a healthy relationship with intimacy and believe that parents should promote this. I know it can feel a bit weird for parents when their children become intimate with another person in their own home, however this is natural and healthy.

I grew up with a mum who is quite conservative based on her Christian conviction, and the message I got was that sex, or anything that could encourage intimacy between couples, before marriage was sin. I strongly refuted this and perhaps was a bit demonstrative. It also led to me practically living at my boyfriends house at 17 because his family was a lot more relaxed about things.

I wish you well and hope that you manage to open up constructive dialogue with your mum. It sounds like things are a bit difficult for you emotionally and I can see how that would make it even more important for you to have your girlfriend around.

Perhaps ask your mum what her main reasons are for saying no.

JanetRomano Sat 25-Jun-16 12:49:00

I agree with Alvah on this. I think sleeping together, whether you have sex or not, is a great way to promote healthy relationships. I allow my 15 yr old's boyfriend to sleep here on a regular basis and it works out great. Just sit down with your mom and have a discussion, see what her issues are and maybe you can come to some sort of a compromise.

AnecdotalEvidence Sat 25-Jun-16 14:23:40

I wouldn't have a problem with it but numerous threads on this show that many adults cannot cope with the idea that their children have sex lives or could possibly share a bed without having sex.

But their house, their rules - even if it does damage their relationship with you.

16YearOldTeen Wed 29-Jun-16 13:46:42

Thanks all three of you i will ask her soon and i will reply

16YearOldTeen Wed 29-Jun-16 15:06:13

"Because you two are only 16,and we wouldn't want you doing it in our home,it's called respecting where you live"

that was her reply

JanetRomano Wed 29-Jun-16 17:38:35

Even though I allow my daughter's boyfriend to sleep over I do understand your moms response. Us parents are not perfect and we make decisions based on our own philosphies and how we were raised. Some parents would allow the sleepover and some wouldn't and there is no right or wrong answer. I'd respect your mom's wishes and just find somewhere else to have intimate time with your girlfriend.

TheHobbitMum Wed 29-Jun-16 19:29:03

I would be more relaxed about it than my husband with our kids (I think). My husband would absolutely say no before 18 and a long committed relationship, I don't think he likes to think of his "babies" growing up smile Your mum maybe the same? She may be worried about unwanted pregnancy or it maybe that she's uncomfortable about the idea of her baby having sex. Unfortunately it is her house and it is her rules. I wouldn't badger her but show her you are mature, sensible and committed to your girlfriend. Then she may come around to the idea in maybe 6mth or a year? I personally would rather my kids feel they don't need to have sex in unsafe places so would rather they were at home x

16YearOldTeen Wed 29-Jun-16 20:09:29

ok thanks for your help guys do u mind if i link my mum to the post?

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan Mon 04-Jul-16 02:26:49

Hello. I have two teenage sons both over 16, but neither of them are in a relationship so.this hasn't arisen for us yet. But if/when they have a girlfriend or boyfriend (one is straight, the other is gay) then I would allow them to share a room and sleep together.

I believe that my husband and I have brought our sons up to respect themselves and respect other people, and therefore we have to respect their choices. If they feel they are ready for a committed relationship, then we would support that.

You sound like a mature and thoughtful 16 year old. I really hope that you are able to discuss this with your mum. Do remember that sometimes it's hard for us mums to see our little boys grow up! But I also hope your mum recognises what a responsible and mature son she has brought up , and respects your choices.

Steppenwolfe Thu 14-Jul-16 11:50:40

Your Mum's opinion is perfectly valid ... just not what you wanted to hear . It's her house and her rules. No right or wrong here , just different opinions . You distance yourself from the family and only come out when they're not there..... now you like your gf to stay over and do the same ? Not in my house either .

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Thu 14-Jul-16 11:55:35

Sorry maybe I'm a hard arse but her roof her rules.

If it makes you feel any better I stayed with my mum for a few months when I was 21 and my partner of 3 years wasn't allowed to stay.

thewookieswife Thu 14-Jul-16 12:13:49

Wouldn't be allowed in my house either.
Sorry that's not what you want to hear .

MiyakoOdori Thu 14-Jul-16 12:20:10

My mum had the no partners at all so it lead me to take risky decisions when it came to relationships etc.

You sound really mature for your age especially coming to a forum to get different opinions on it all.

I have children not teens yet but once they are 16 I will allow partners to sleep over because I know they are safe and not taking risks.

GipsyDanger Thu 14-Jul-16 12:20:21

My now dh and I got together when I was 17 he was 18, we are still together 10 years later. And
Married. With a baby.
As it turned out, my folks went to Australia for a month when me and dh had been going out for a while, she was quite releved that I wasn't going to be alone. What exactly does she expect is going to change when your 18? Perhaps hoping you'll break up and preserve your ' innocence'

16YearOldTeen Thu 14-Jul-16 16:24:36

Thanks Guys i do respect all your opinions even if they are not my own after all thats how we gain knowledge, right?

also i have another thread i need some input on would you mind having a look?

Teen Social Media Site

MiyakoOdori Fri 15-Jul-16 04:53:11

It's not a bad idea you know but I think your market would be towards the younger teen age group!

16YearOldTeen Fri 15-Jul-16 10:00:21

Miyako we are are taking a online survey from teen forums too to see who would join depentant on features and one feature in linking in to IP recoreds to try and combat pedos and spam

HappyJanuary Sat 16-Jul-16 09:16:59

My DC were allowed to share a bed with their respective partners once they were over 16 and in a committed relationship.

But I have lots of friends who do not allow it and I agree with pp who said that there is no right or wrong, just different opinions. Sadly for you, your mum's opinion holds sway because she's the parent and owns the house. Lots of parents don't want to sit watching tv in the knowledge that their child is shagging upstairs, or worry about unwanted pregnancy, emotional fallout when the relationship ends etc.

Your mum won't believe you just intend to sleep, or she will worry that that is your intention but sometimes best intentions go out of the window.

I think the bigger issue here is that you don't feel like part of the family. I hope this isn't because you equate parental love with getting your own way. It may serve your interests more to talk to your mum about how you feel, demonstrate your maturity, involve yourself in family life and allow your mum to get to know your girlfriend better.

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