16 year old son watching pornography on the family computer

[SummertimeClementine]

Hi all, I was just looking for some advice.

My 16 year old son has been spending a lot of time in his room recently with the family laptop. Yesterday, when he went to shower i went into his room to collect the laundry. He'd left the laptop turned on on his desk so i went to turn it off and much to my horror, my eyes are met with pictures of very disturbing sexual activity. I've had the talk with him about sex and relationships but pornography didn't occur to me.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on what i should be talking about and how to prevent him destroying his views on love.
Thanks, Clementine xx

[kitchenunit]

Well for a start I'd be taking away any unsupervised access to the laptop.

[blue2014]

And consider he may also access it on his phone.

You might also need to consider that he may have been watching if for years. Some recent research suggests kids first seen porn around the age of 9 years old.

He needs to know masturbation is normal but that porn isn't real and doesn't represent good sex (for either partner!) try to get him to understand that most girls will hate the stuff done in porn and to treat them better and care about their needs too.

Not an easy conversation!

[fluttershyby]

Can you put a filter on the router? I'm with bt and they offer it. (And it works)

[cupkakesandkittens]

You're never going to stop a 16 year old boy looking at porn, I doubt blocking it or just telling him to stop would stop him, he'll find a way.

[Namechangeforthebadstuff]

He's a teenage boy. Boys watch porn.
Tell him to set it to private browsing so no younger siblings stumble accross it.

Talk to him about the realities of the porn industry if you want to and about how it is not real 'sex' and not what to expect in a relationship.

[AskBasil]

Buy him a copy of Pornland by Gail Dines.

That'll ruin his boner.

[JanetRomano]

A lot of teens watch porn and I think they need to know that in most cases it's not real life. If it's only soft porn I wouldn't have a problem with it, however there is some hard core porn that I'd be leery of. Open the communication with him and talk to him about it and see what he says.

[AskBasil]

There's no such thing as soft porn anymore, except Page 3. Unless you mean Page 3.

You don't have to accept that "all teenage boys watch porn". You don't have to accept that a misogynist porn-merchant will take control of our children's sexuality.

You can give him the info he needs to make an ethical choice just as he does re food, products, politics etc.

[luckiestgirl]

You didn't think he'd be watching porn at his age?

My advice is you just make sure he realises that how it's done in porn is rarely representative of how it's done in real life. Girls don't necessarily like what porn girls like. As long as he realises that... then I just suggest tissue roll by his bed, and a bin in his room.

[GeorgeTheThird]

Fluttershy - does it still work if you use a free proxy server? Virgin's doesn't.

[misshelena]

I found my daughter watching porn at age 11. I am surprised that you were surprised that your 16-yo son is watching porn. Like everyone said, you should probably have a talk with him about porn v. reality. But I wouldn't make a big deal of it or punish him. Curiosity about sex at that age is normal. In fact, some 16-yo are already having sex.

[RedAHart8]

Tbh as long as ur DS knows that hardcore porn isn't how it happens, I think it's fine. Just make sure he deletes the browser once he has finished.