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should i offer contraception??

(11 Posts)
JodieX321 Wed 22-Jun-16 15:30:00

DD is 15 and has been with boyfriend for around 6-7 months now. He's a year older and i do adore him however, they spend a lot of time upstairs especially during the last few months.

I wouldn't ever encourage her to have sex so young but I understand that things happen and I'd rather her be safe. She's never asked or even spoke to me about contraception so i worry that me suggesting it may look like I'm giving her the green light to have sex in my house.

Any advice/experience in this department??confused

BusyNothings Wed 22-Jun-16 15:48:20

At the same age and similar situation my mum had a chat with me about contraception explained that she wasn't giving the go ahead but wanted me to be safe and sure when I was ready. In the end I didn't until i was17 and although the chat was it awkward I'm glad she did it because it helped me to feel more confident in saying no until I was ready and then feeling safe and prepared when i was.

We've talked about it since and she said it was really hard for her and she has said exactly what you've posted but she felt better knowing it was there - although she would have preferred me to stay as an innocent 8 year old.

But then again maybe the mn universe will have a different opinion.

JanetRomano Wed 22-Jun-16 18:20:46

It's best when you and your daughter can discuss topics like sex and contraception however some kids aren't comfortable coming to us with theses issues. I would just let her know that you are there for her and if she needs condoms or bc you understand and will get them for her when and if she wants them.
My now 15 yr old came to me after they had sex the first time (they did use a condom) and we had a long talk. She's on the nuva ring now and she's been with her bf for over 6 months and he's a great kid. I have now allowed him to spend most nights here in her room and it's developing into a very healthy and happy relationship.

DustOffYourHighestHopes Wed 22-Jun-16 18:24:21

Yes. Giving your child condoms will not encourage them to have sex. They'd have sex anyway, if they were so inclined.

It normalises condoms and makes them more likely to use them when the time comes.

Star21 Wed 22-Jun-16 19:11:38

In exact same position here, DD and BF are both15 and I'm worried that offering contraception will encourage them to have sex when I think they are too young. I wouldn't be happy for them to rely solely on condoms either so watching your thread hoping for advice too.

RegentsParkWolf Wed 22-Jun-16 20:16:59

It's difficult - if you start talking about contraception it's almost like you're suggesting you think they should be doing it. Maybe just begin by asking how serious she feels the relationship is, how happy is she at the moment, does she feel it's going to develop further. That way you open up the conversation to move on to sex and you can have the contraception talk then in the context of sex being part of a loving relationship when you're ready, which doesn't have to be now. Having said all that I was able to talk contraception with my mum but would have died if she'd started talking about emotions!!

DustOffYourHighestHopes Wed 22-Jun-16 20:31:42

If you don't want to hand them over with a handshake and pat on the back, could you leave a pile in an easily accessible place 'for you' (bathroom cabinet etc) and somehow let her know they are there? Frankly she's at the stage where she needs a conversation about safe sex AND consent, pressure, confidence etc.

orangetree99 Wed 22-Jun-16 20:47:16

I was in the same situation. In the end I said to my 15 year old dd that I could see her and her boyfriend were getting very close and whilst I would prefer her to wait until 16 before taking it too far, if she wasn't going to wait then I'd rather know and make she had everything she needed and was happy to drop her at the doctor to talk about contraception. She was quite shocked I'd come out and said that but said they weren't rushing anything and would wait until 16. At 16 she asked me to make an appointment and I did and now she is on the pill. She said she was very glad I had said that to her as she may have found it difficult to bring up the subject herself.

sleepingatlast Wed 22-Jun-16 21:41:43

I would talk to her about the pill. My DD is 14 and is on it to help with really heavy periods - but i know she'll be alright when it comes to it because she is already on it

misshelena Tue 28-Jun-16 22:39:58

If you feel uncomfortable talking to her face-to-face about contraception, just text or email her. An additional plus is that you can text or email links. This is what I did -- I texted and emailed links to my 15-yo dd about safe sex and how to put on a condom correctly.

I am ok with her having safe sex using condoms. I have trouble accepting any hormone based contraception due to her young age. I just want her to wait before she starts messing with her hormones. But we are not religious, so should the condom fail her and she requires an abortion, I wouldn't blink once about it. If you are religious, I guess you'd probably want to her on the pill since condoms are the least reliable form of contraception.

triplets Tue 05-Jul-16 07:44:35

My dd is 18, she is very much in love with her first boyfriend, he is 19. They have know each other for 2 year, but only been in a relationship for 7 months. I did talk to her about going on the pill, she spends a lot of time at his place although her Mum and sister are always there. She said she wasn't ready for sex and would tell me when she was! I can see the relationship getting deeper an they are both off to uni in Sept........I would feel so much better if she would just go and talk to the gp, who is a friend anyway. I feel the next step is going to be sleeping together once they are away from home, just want her protected. She also suffers heavy periods so it could help her anyway. Its difficult isn't it? x

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