Am I being taken for a ride!

(24 Posts)
thisusernameisnotavailable Fri 17-Jun-16 19:51:08

DD is 16 and so is her bf. He's lovely and I adore him.

When they were both 15 his parents were very concerned about them being left alone together as they had both already slept together.

Now they are both of legal age his parents are happy for him to stay over at weekends. I mean they tell him he can crash at my house but they never tell me they have told him that let alone actually ask me. I actually don't mind as id rather they were safe than hanging around the streets but that's not the point.

I'm a bit miffed at his parents sudden change. They have always been very social and I'd often drop him home to an empty house at 10pm with his parents not due back from the pub till closing. It seems to me that now he's 16 and they're legal it's all rather convenient for them and foist him off on me.

And I've not even mentioned all the extra shopping I'm needing to buy to feed a teenage boy. I feel used! angry

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 17-Jun-16 19:52:56

So DD doesn't really stay there, to even it out?

lljkk Fri 17-Jun-16 19:55:22

This is probably a minor thing to put up with compared to the aggro if you rock the boat.

You could ask him to contribute some money each week towards his feeding at your house... I'd go thru him to lean on his parents.

thisusernameisnotavailable Fri 17-Jun-16 20:07:24

Going through him to his parents wouldn't happen. He's too soft

And no she never goes there as doesn't feel comfortable/welcome

usual Fri 17-Jun-16 20:14:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisusernameisnotavailable Fri 17-Jun-16 20:27:42

I don't mind him coming and staying occasionally. It's just the cheek of his parents that has pissed me off.

I have told him on many occasions time to go home but it's obvious he prefers being here than at home. I'd not go so far as say he is neglected but in the past I've bought him over the counter Medicine/socks when he's needed them because his parents haven't noticed the need.

lljkk Fri 17-Jun-16 20:52:34

Then you're doing a good deed.
Does he help around the house, can he earn his keep, a little?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 17-Jun-16 21:11:37

That would naff me off too. Maybe not worth rocking the boat over though, and I agree you are doing a good thing.

scarlets Sat 18-Jun-16 18:59:06

It worries me a bit when youngsters of 16/17 virtually move in with their boy/girl friends. It seems more common now than it was when I was that age. I think it puts unnecessary pressure on the kid whose house it is because they know that when they want to end the relationship, the other party would be losing a "family" and a "home" as well as them. It is too much, too young. I reckon that you should drop him home at 10, as before, with overnight stays being the exception if they've been to a late party together or something.

ohgodteens Sat 18-Jun-16 20:17:45

I think you are being taken for a ride but that it is thoughtlessness rather than deliberate. I think you need to talk to the teens and tell them how you feel and see what they say. Maybe you will as lljkk pointed out get some house work done smile

VimFuego101 Sat 18-Jun-16 20:19:26

How often does he stay? I'd implement a 'one night a week' rule.

OhTheRoses Sat 18-Jun-16 20:25:16

If he's neglected and from an uncaring family I'd be telling my DD she could do better and quietly booking a few things to take her mind off him.

Theimpossiblegirl Sat 18-Jun-16 20:28:44

But it's not his fault if he's being neglected and comes from an uncaring family. He could still be a nice, respectful young man with a good future ahead of him.

I'm not saying they'll last, 16 is very young, but it seemed a shame to just write him off like that because his family situation isn't ideal.

Iflyaway Sat 18-Jun-16 20:31:53

OP, you need to put in boundaries right now. Of course his parents are loving it, you are feeding him and bringing him home. But you are paying good-earned money for food and petrol. If you add it up over a week/month you could be putting that money to help towards your daughter's future educational/life choices.

I also agree with PP who says it will be harder for your daughter to make a decision about her own relationship if he's practically moved in.

Never mind the taking over of your own autonomy and privacy in your own home.

Good luck with it. Teenage years are so hard to get the right balance.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sat 18-Jun-16 20:33:01

Sounds like they were concerned about the legal aspect of things, as I would be and now they're not.

Tbh I wouldn't have boyfriends or girlfriends staying over at 16. It's exam time and the fewer distractions the better. Best all round not to get too intense imo.

MavisPilkington Sat 18-Jun-16 20:42:54

While I agree with your overall point, op, at sixteen shouldn't he be buying his own socks and OTC medicines? Or at least be capable of saying 'mum, I need some new socks'? I don't think the parents of a sixteen year old need to be keeping track of his socks for him.

BeautifulMaudOHara Sat 18-Jun-16 20:52:40

Hmm, hard one. I'd be ok with this tbh, I like having extra teenagers here but we have plenty of room and can afford the extra food bills so I don't mind. Do his parents not have other children?

BeautifulMaudOHara Sat 18-Jun-16 20:55:23

Could you say to him / your dd "you need to stay at his sometimes too" ?
Teen boys eat a LOT, that must be expensive. What does your dd think?

FantasticButtocks Sat 18-Jun-16 21:02:04

Forget his parents. This is your DD's bf, just be glad and flattered that they'd rather be at yours. If he's a lovely bf, that's another thing to be really glad about. I wouldn't charge him for food, maybe get him to help with the odd chore in the house so he's making a contribution.

Wondermum81 Sat 18-Jun-16 22:37:49

I don't think you're being taken for a ride. I don't understand where that is coming from?

His parents aren't telling him to stay at yours all the time, it's his and your daughters choice.

My 18 year old daughter has basically moved in with her boyfriend and his family the last 16 months she spends so much time there. I would hate for his parents to think I'm taking them for a ride because my daughter enjoys spending time there.

Wondermum81 Sat 18-Jun-16 22:39:46

Posted before I was finished sorry.

If it is a problem then tell them that he can't keep staying so much, you can't charge a 16 year old for spending time at your house FGS.

It's nothing to do with his parents though.

PovertyPain Sat 18-Jun-16 22:46:41

If he's neglected and from an uncaring family I'd be telling my DD she could do better and quietly booking a few things to take her mind off him.

That's a horrible thing to say. It's not this poor boy's fault he's been neglected or comes from an uncaring family. They could have a very long and happy relationship together.

OP, I can understand why you'd be pissed off at them, but, unless it's causing you financial hardship, wouldn't it be better to support them both coming to yours. If they aren't a supportive family, your daughter might not be very happy over there and could fall into bad habits. Think of how you are enriching this you bed man's life and showing him how a good family functions.

BackforGood Sat 18-Jun-16 22:55:11

You need to set out your boundaries.
My 16 (or 17 or 18 yr old come to that) wouldn't be able to have anyone staying over night after night - be that boy/girlfriend or just a mate, tbh. All too intense.

WicksEnd Sat 18-Jun-16 22:55:25

He's hardly neglected!
Blimey! A pair of socks and a few asprin or similar and now that's neglect?

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