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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Moving home.. or staying put

14 replies

user1465869811 · 14/06/2016 19:50

Hi,
I am living between two homes, my partners and my home.

I have two teens ages 15 and 16 and my older child lives at home too (25).

I'm torn as my youngest doesn't want to move for fear of losing their friends , however the other is fine with it. My eldest is working and could fend for themselves/stay with family who are happy to have them.

I'm really worried that it will mean a lot to my youngest and their exams may be affected, but running two homes is ridiculously costly and has an immediate effect on their standard of living...

Am I being selfish?

OP posts:

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titchy · 14/06/2016 20:31

Errr wait till your youngest's exams are over. It's a no brainer surely?

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user1465869811 · 14/06/2016 21:00

There's the issue. As he is in yr 10 that's another year, then there are a levels, another year or two.. plus the financial costs if running two homes instead of one.

Is there a chance this could work? Is there a chance it couldn't ? It feels like 50/50

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Heratnumber7 · 14/06/2016 21:08

I think you should put your first. You had kids before you met your current partner.

Can DP move in with you, rather than vice versa?

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titchy · 14/06/2016 21:48

It couldn't work for your kids no. So don't be so selfish.

You don't have the cost of two houses. You have the cost of yours and your bf has the cost of his. Yes you might be financially better off combining resources but your kids will pay that price with a lack of decent GCSEs which will almost certainly have repercussions for their future.

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titchy · 14/06/2016 21:49

It's nothing like 50/50 by the way - more like 99/1

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user1465869811 · 15/06/2016 00:05

Woah, hang on a bit.

I'm far from selfish which is why I'm asking opinions. At the moment my kids see me less as I stay at my partners regularly, they are fine with it but we would all like to be together. My partner and I would like to be together and happy. My kids would have a bigger house and more support with us together. I'm not uncaring and others do manage to live together/move in and make it work. I've waited a long time to find someone special after losing my husband . I don't want to lose him or to create problems which is why I'm asking for balanced advice

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CodyKing · 15/06/2016 00:11

How far apart are the homes?
How long do you leave the teens to fend for themselves?
What happens if there's an issue at home
How long do you typically spend in each house?

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BackforGood · 15/06/2016 00:17

If it were one dc, then the logical thing would be to wait until GCSEs over and then move for 6th form, but presumably that means the (now) 16 yr old will be part way through 6th form, and if you wait for them to finish, the 15 yr old will then be part way through 6th form?
So I can see its not as straight forwards as some posters are trying to suggest.
What are the possibilities of your partner moving?

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user1465869811 · 15/06/2016 23:38

Hi there , just to clarify, my 25 yr old daughter is at home with the teens.

We live 20 miles apart. He owns a big home, mine is tiny and rented.

If I do move it'll be in the summer hols.

I can drive the kids to school daily.. I'd be more than happy to do so

16 yr old hasn't started 6th form yet and the 15 yr old starts gcse's in sept. We are both teachers of GCSE/a level so are fully aware of their needs

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BackforGood · 15/06/2016 23:54

Oh!
I presumed you meant a long distance - another part of the country.

Well, where I live, 20 miles is from one side of the City to another - there are train lines and buses and all sorts of ways older teens can still get to school / college. that puts a different perspective on it.

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user1465869811 · 16/06/2016 01:12

Thank you for all of your replies, I think I've made my mind up. We all get on so well and the openness within my relationship with my partner is fantastic.

I hate where I live as I have really grotty neighbours who regularly have the police round and my son was mugged/stabbed two weeks ago (even though he fought back and knocked his attacker out cold). To move in with my partner would be lovely and my youngest will be driven to school if I must as it's the least I could do. Panic over so far.... big family discussion on the way too so we are all involved. Thank you again xx

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titchy · 16/06/2016 07:51

20 miles?!!! Well that won't even mean a change of school. You should have said that in your OP. It sounded as though you were taking your year 10 kid out and putting him into a new school for year 11 and completely disregarding the fact that his GCSEs would be screwed up if you did that.

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scarlets · 16/06/2016 21:01

20 miles is nothing, and if it gets your teenagers out of an in desirable neighbourhood, that's great surely. If you're happy to do lots of driving, go for it. One or both may opt to switch to a more local school for A Levels anyway.

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user1465869811 · 18/06/2016 15:52

Thank you. I've spoken to them now and am totally shocked that they both said yes!

Obviously incredibly happy about it too.. now for the nightmare of selling furniture and getting rid of the junk in my house!! Quite looking forwards to a fresh start though xx