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what can dd do about this situation?

(6 Posts)
LifeIsGoodish Sun 05-Jun-16 17:20:35

They're all in Y8.

When told to work in teams, whether in class or for homework, dd always ends up in the same group of 3. If she tries to team up with another group, 2 of the 3 welcome her but the 3rd always rejects her, so she does not get included. It's always "you're friends with X and Y, so you should be working with them."

But when she works with X and Y they don't pull their weight. Dd isn't too bothered that they get credit for her hard work since the teachers can see very clearly who is really putting the effort in, and they let her know that they are aware of it. What upsets dd is that she finds it hugely stressful not being able to rely on her team-mates. Worse is that they are her friends (though the trio-demon is beginning to rear its ugly head) and she can't see a way of dealing with the situation that won't break up the friendship.

Any suggestions how she could deal with this?

RegentsParkWolf Sun 05-Jun-16 22:12:33

Teachers should be setting the groups, especially in year 8. Have a word.

LifeIsGoodish Mon 06-Jun-16 00:02:03

I should intervene? It's not something for dd to deal with, herself?

I'm not trying to shirk responsibility - I try to have a good relationship with school and be involved, and I definitely stand up for dd, but equally I don't want to helicopter her. Myself, I'm pretty rubbish at social skills, so I'm really not sure when to intervene and how to advise her on this.

CodyKing Mon 06-Jun-16 00:03:55

My DD also year 8 is the same - is it one lesson?

LifeIsGoodish Mon 06-Jun-16 00:05:57

No, it's across several different subjects.

CodyKing Mon 06-Jun-16 00:10:33

I've had this at parents evening - teacher suggested the DD found working with others difficult - I said she was always with children who weren't as keen to complete the task and she was always annoyed - he suggested she needed to be a better team player! Fine - I said what are you going to do to help her with this - both I'm Nguyen was the answer

Point is I have no idea what they want me to do - if they don't do any thing!!

By all means have a word - but I doubt you'll get anywhere

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