Dd 13 struggling with friends

(12 Posts)
disneygirl10 Wed 01-Jun-16 13:33:00

My dd is 13 she has a best friend who she very close to until last 9 months or so. Her and this girl are also part of a wider group of friends. Dd probably relyed to much on best friend.
Old best friend is making lots of new friends as well as getting closer to existing friends. My dd gets invited to some things but she is being left on the sidelines a lot sad
We socialise with some of the parents from the group and when we all met up recently dd was very much on the edge or just listening.
It's heart breaking, she is very reluctant to ask any friends to do anything. She has one new friend at school but doesn't want to do anything with her out of school. I have given up asking now!
She is generally happy at home still likes playing with her brother. Just worried she is going to be left with no one. Feel very helpless.

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disneygirl10 Wed 01-Jun-16 17:36:01

They were all meant to meet tomorrow no one has messaged her. She doesn't want to talk about it. Don't know whether it just best to leave her to work it out?

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Stripeybetty Wed 01-Jun-16 17:45:09

I know it's hard. My ds is similar. He's starting to make new friends now. As hard as it is I think we need to let them sort things out for themselves.

disneygirl10 Wed 01-Jun-16 19:01:26

I know I shouldn't but just looked at her instagram and they have met up and posted a pic. It's just heart breaking. I wish she would just ask a friend at school who isn't in this group to do something instead. Girls can be so horrid to each other!

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VagueButlmportant Wed 01-Jun-16 19:46:19

Oh dear. It's awful isn't it.

My DD is 14 and I had thought until this week that she had a very nice, stable group of friends. She was in a group of 6 who all hung out together and got on well. That was until she found out yesterday that five of them went to a sleepover last Saturday and didn't invite her. It's completely out of the blue - she can't think of any reason why they would miss her out.

I feel so awful for her. She doesn't really have many other friends outside of school. She's meant to be doing her D of E expedition with two of them next weekend, including the sleepover host.

Sorry no advice. Just sympathy. If anyone's got any words of wisdom I'd love to hear them.

disneygirl10 Wed 01-Jun-16 20:17:34

I suppose it's all part of growing up and finding there feet but doesn't make it any easier. My dd is very defensive about it all and won't say anything to me at the moment. Just say instagram post.
I hope dd enjoys her d of e.

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Twowrongsdontmakearight Wed 01-Jun-16 20:31:25

It's awful isn't it. I've been through this sort of thing with DD. In a group of 4 at new school when one had a sleepover and excluded DD. She made friends with other groups of friends and is 'in' but not at the centre of any of them.

Can your DD have a look around her classroom and find some different groups to befriend?


disneygirl10 Thu 02-Jun-16 17:22:00

I really hope she does. I think she is desperately wanting it all to change with these so called friends at the moment. If I even suggest anything she gets very cross with me so trying not to push it at the moment.
The sad thing is she will just stand there, I wish she would just walk away and find some other friends. It quite a small secondary school compared to other though.

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Twowrongsdontmakearight Thu 02-Jun-16 17:47:01

Hang on in there. DS also had this. He was on the edge of the group of people he hung round with. Someone else joined and didn't like DS so he was pretty much kicked out. I mentioned the idea of others in his class but he wasn't keen. They were too geeky. His original group went out into town and to parties etc. The people I suggested didn't. They tended to play football or go straight home after school. That was in Y7 and early Y8. Fast forward to Y9- Y11. Once they'd chosen GCSE subjects they were more mixed up in classes. DS is now 16 and in a group of lovely friends, including the 'geeky' ones and is settled. His confidence is so much better. Still no parties and hanging out locally but they do other stuff instead. The old group were more 'glamorous' but the new group are much nicer.

Your DD will get there in the end with a different group of friends. But it can take time.

newname99 Thu 02-Jun-16 18:38:54

Just coming on to say the same as twowrongs.At this age it's very common for groups to change, they often exclude (sometimes as an oversight) but it's hurtful.

By Yr9/10 it all changes again and actually everyone seems to have had a phase of being left out.I have a theory that at this age teens change quite quickly so fall in/out of favour.

I had 1 teen where this happened early on but by 16 had a lovely group of friends, she was the geeky one.The 'popular' one sailed through the early years and then had the outcast period in Yr10.

disneygirl10 Thu 02-Jun-16 19:17:28

It's definitely on purpose! They all live locally and my dh just saw them all walking past our house looking in and giggling sad I am sure she will get over it but in the mean time sad she didn't see them walk past I feel like telling her so she realise how horrid they are being.

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JustDanceAddict Thu 02-Jun-16 19:53:29

My DD has similar issues, but recently she has made a new friend out of her 'group' and this friend asks DD to do stuff all the time. She also said tonight she is getting friendly again with someone she fell out with last year - that girl is a bit of a 'one', but they did get on very well. Girls can be really mean - one of DD's group leaves her out and she's wanted 'out' for ages, but didn't have friends outside the group really - now she has so can break away more. Hopefully your DD will too - mine is 13 too - horrible age!

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