False accusations of bullying - help please

(4 Posts)
duffnote Mon 23-May-16 09:18:20

My son is one of several at an out-of-school organisation who have been accused of bullying by another boy and his parents. The leader of this group has questioned all the boys - those involved and those not, and there is no corroboration of the so-called incidents, in fact the others who were present even say the incidents did not happen. I have closely questioned my boy as I would not hesitate to take action if I thought he was a bully. No real punishment has happened, other than a group telling off, but equally the cloud of suspicion remains.

I am asking for advice. Yes, of course, it is always possible that my boy is in the wrong, but the other boys accused with him are not in his particular friendship group - and the things they are accused of just don't ring true. They all seems a bit random tbh - almost as if the boy in question was coming up with things off the top of his head. The person in charge seems more likely to believe the parents of the boy because they complained so vociferously (and obviously because this person would not like to be accused of not taking bullying seriously.) It is affecting morale and spoiling what was a very happy group. Ideas please.

FarAwayHills Tue 24-May-16 16:47:49

I would try really to get the facts of the allegations from all parties and see what holes there are in the story. The leader should investigate fully before making accusations. It is unfair that your DS should have a question over his character.

My DB was in a similar situation at school. He was accused along with his friends of bullying another boy. The school came down on them really hard threatening to exclude them permanently. They were immediately on the side of the boy and his parents. They even made them stand up in front of the whole school in assembly and put them through awful public humiliation.

Thankfully my parents believed DB and pushed for further investigation. I even recall them threatening the school with a solicitors letter about slander - it got that serious shock

It turned out the boy in question had completely made up the bullying allegations. Apparently, he was going through a tough time at home, wanted some attention and he was jealous of DB and his friends. Funny
enough he had previous form for making stuff up but yet once bullying was mentioned the school were fully on his side.

duffnote Wed 25-May-16 08:51:43

Thank you for your advice FarAway - we have asked the leader for his evidence other than the say-so of this boy. I'm not sure he has any. The behaviour of the boy since these allegations were made has been odd to say the least, cocky rather than worried about possible repercussions. There won't be any of course as all the parents have warned their sons not to do anything at all for fear of making the situation worse. I do understand the importance of believing the victim, but it makes things very hard if there is something else going on. It's upsetting for me and my boy, who is a worrier at the best of times.

BombadierFritz Wed 25-May-16 09:01:00

I dont think there is much you can do wrt the allegations. Its something you/your son is better coming to terms with - some kids lie - as there are no consequences to complain about. This has happened to us. We talked about why he might have done it (i'm afraid i painted him as a rather pathetic character struggling with social skills) and what i expect and dont expect from my son eg be kind/dont be cruel/dont silently watch bullying/but dont have to befriend/keep a distance from unreliable people/build own friendship groups.

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