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16 yr old son won't move house

(17 Posts)
Cloggits71 Fri 20-May-16 14:13:17

My son is nearly 17 he's nearly finished doing his 1st year at college , but says he's not doing his second year he wants a job. I've got to move out of our current house as landlord is selling & im on the council list , so more than likely I'll end up moving out of the village where we live as not many council properties become available here. My son has said he's not moving out of the village , I told him straight he does as he's told as I'm responsible for him but he's not having none of it . He's started going to his older brothers home who smoke weed & owe me thousands of pounds so goodness knows what's being said behind my back. My 16yr old also thinks that child benefit money is his , and I'm paying £45 a month for his phone bill , I'm at my wits end . His father died when he was a baby so can't ask his father to talk to him.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Fri 20-May-16 14:24:07

Well if he stops college then your CB will stop too - so bye bye to his mobile phone contract. He's not a baby and unfortunately you can't make the decision for him ( as hard as that is when you can see them heading down the wrong path ) so you need to have a serious discussion about what will happen.

If he wants to work and live in your house ( if you managed to get rehoused where you are ) then he pays rent, a portion of the bills and all of his own personal expenses. You want to be a grown up - grown ups pay for themselves.

If he refuses to come, explain that he will be solely responsible for himself. Rent, bills furniture etc, you'll be helping with none of it.

Or he can choose the easy option, continue with his education, live rent and bill free and move with you.

Oh and if he thinks the CB is his to piss up the wall then call his bluff. Put the money on the table, then take out the money for his phone contract, his portion of the rent and bills, any transport costs you pay for him, his part of the food bill... Maybe then he'll have some respect for how expensive it is to be a grown up and change his mind.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 20-May-16 14:25:40

If he's getting a job like he says that he plans to then he'll be able to rent and then stay in the village. I now it's young but its not impossible. The child benefit money isn't his, of course its not his, but if he lives independently that won't be an issue anyway because neither of you will get it.

Do you think he means it when he says he's not leaving?

Dozer Fri 20-May-16 14:27:05

He'd better be getting himself some housing and benefits advice then, might be a shock!

Unless his brother will put him up and pay for him indefinitely?

Cloggits71 Fri 20-May-16 14:31:05

I know , but I feel as if he's controlling me as to where I should live , he doesn't live in the real world . I'm just scared if I have to move 10-15minutes up the road & he doesn't come I'll get in trouble . This will be the 3rd child I've had that tries to control me . Just don't like arguments .

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 20-May-16 14:34:36

You won't get in trouble. - He is old enough to choose whether or not to live with you now.

Where do you think he will live if he doesn't come with you?

Chippednailvarnishing Fri 20-May-16 14:36:58

This will be the 3rd child I've had that tries to control me . Just don't like arguments .

If this has repeatedly happened maybe it's time to start having the argument OP.

GraysAnalogy Fri 20-May-16 14:37:02

He doesn't want to move? Well he will have to find his own way of staying then. It's non-negotiable, don't pander, don't find ways to make it better. You don't enter negotiations with him. You get a new place and you move. Cancel that contract too, you won't be getting child benefit and since he wants to enter the world of work he will have to pay for it himself. X amount of time and then it's being cancelled.

This being controlled seems to be a trend and it's time you broke it, don't let him bully you. It's hard to be firm but you can do it.

Cloggits71 Fri 20-May-16 14:37:23

Yes he means it when he says he's not leaving the village . I had a chance of moving to Cornwall near my sick auntie & he said he's not moving there so I didn't , because I knew if I left him I would of probably been in trouble & he probably knows that.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 20-May-16 14:41:07

Just rent a two bedroomed flat and invite him to live with you. The ball is in his court then. Think about it - how can you get into trouble just because he chose not to move in with you.

Anyway, I reackon he's just being gobby. He'll move smile

Ragwort Fri 20-May-16 14:41:15

What makes you think you would be 'in trouble' if your DS didn't move with you, who is he going to report you to? confused

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Fri 20-May-16 14:44:43

You won't be in any trouble - I got kicked out left home a week after my 16th birthday. You can get married and have a baby at 16 so legally you can also live independently.

Cloggits71 Fri 20-May-16 14:50:11

Yes you are all right 😀 . Just feel as if I'm being a bad parent if I do just move . But I know I've got to grow some balls . It's just my other 2 sons don't talk to me anymore because when they lived at home I let them get away with everything They lived here rent free because they wouldn't pay me any money until one day I'd had enough of my house smelling of weed & them taking the piss I kicked them out because I couldn't take any more.

expatinscotland Fri 20-May-16 14:53:49

You make your own plans. If he doesn't want to move, then you say, 'Okay, off you go.'

blindsider Fri 20-May-16 15:05:24

I suspect he is like most 16 year old boys , all mouth and no trousers.

Just do whatever you need to do, he will either come with you or effectively move out.

Cloggits71 Fri 20-May-16 15:08:50

Yes I'll just move to wherever I can if he doesn't like it then it's tough , I can't keep living my life round kids . Thank you for all the advice guys 👍

MrsJayy Sun 22-May-16 12:20:12

Sounds like all your children manipulate and guilt trip you that sounds hard going he is your last child you must be exhausted by it all say to him well son not sure what you want me to do but we have to get out of this house move dont move but i have to

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