Bit of a long read so don't worry if you don't fancy reason haha
I am a 36 year old mother to 2 sons, 19 and 17. I had both my sons very young as first was an "accident" if you like (one I am glad to have made though) and my 2nd was, whilst I was still very young, planned as I had married the dad of both my children.
Just before I got pregnant with my second I fell ill, something that is still not diagnosed but causing me a great deal of trouble. I was due to start my meds the same week I found out I was pregnant so didn't start them until I had given birth. These meds were going to make me infertile whilst I took them (they are a life long thing, if I planned to get pregnant I would have to come off.) and I no longer had periods, at least not regular and consistent ones. Because of thinking I was infertile when j started to pile on weight I put it down my meds instead of a pregnancy. I had gone in to hospital for an operation on my back when I found out I was 5 months pregnant, it amazed both me and the doctors as to how this had gone unnoticed. I got told that if I was to carry my baby to full term she would be born with a drug dependency and possible a lot of other problems. Being only 20 at the time with 2 young sons I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with having a child who would need my constant attention. With a very heavy heart I had her put up for adoption.
16 years on and my "daughter" (let's call her Ellie) is in contact with me. Ellie contacted me a year ago after her parents had told her she was adopted. This was okay with me from the start, her adoptive parents were in contact with me all through her childhood and i had told that one day if she finds out she is adopted and wants to meet me I would love to. She was born with a drug dependency but she is now fine and very well, she never developed any other problems.
She tells me she does not have a good relationship with either of her adoptive parents and they are now divorced and constantly fighting over her. She will be 16 in June and her mother had said she will support her in moving out of she wants to do that. The only problem is she wants to move in with me and my sons and my partner. I've explained to her that that may not even be allowed in the UK and she won't be able to have contact with her father. We divorced long ago as he is an alcoholic and very abusive, I've not had contact with him for over 10 years now. My sons rarely even speak to him themselves.
Another problem is I live in a 3 bed house with 2 sons meaning I just don't have a room for her. Both my sons are now, in my opinion, too old to share a room especially because they both have girlfriends who sleep over occasionally.
Just after Christmas my son, 19, went away for 3 weeks to America with his girlfriends family around the same time we took Christmas decs down so it got dumped in his room as I was too poorly to take it up to attic at the time. He brought his bed, tv and most his bits needed day to day down into our empty dining room and he stayed there until a month ago and he said he actually wishes that was he permeant room as it was more private than his bedroom for some reason. The only reason I'm telling you that is because maybe if she did come stay with us would it be appropriate to move my son into that room and Ellie into my sons room.
All in all i just need some guidance. Is she allowed to come live with me? Would it be appropriate? How do I approach this subject with my sons? And will it be okay to move around my son for her to come live at my home and if so how do I actually go about telling my son that is what is happening?
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Adopted daughter wanting to live with me
11 replies
Ineedanapasap · 12/05/2016 21:34
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