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How can I get my teens to be more helpful.

(4 Posts)
ColinFirthsGirth Sun 24-Apr-16 18:19:20

Hi everyone, I am after some tips on getting my nearly 13 and nearly 15 year old to be more helpful. I am gewtting fed up of them moaning and huffing everytimes I ask them to do something in the house or ask one of them to get something form the very local shop. I have tried linking their pocket money to jobs done etc. I have suffered from depression for years and even though I am largely well at the moment I do find that I have very limited mental energy and a very bad memory. If I ask my son if he'd mind walknig to the local shop to get an item for dinner he will moan and pull a face. I have pointed out to him that he isn't doing this for me - as he says he is - but for the family. I ask him does he want dinner and when he sasy yes then I say well this is fro everyones dinner not just me. I am fed up to be honest. They know I struggle with my mental health and my memory but don't even attempt to remember things for themselves - things they need for school etc, out of schoolk activities. My working memory is only on the 5th centile and I am very bad at multi tasking and holding more than a few thibngs in my head at anyone time. How have others managed to get their kids to be more helpful withouit them acting as if they are really hard done by?

nooka Sun 24-Apr-16 18:53:54

My ds is inclined to be grumpy when asked to do things. The best way we found to manage this was to have a whiteboard with tasks on it. Given a bit of notice he is very helpful, he just likes to have a bit of control as to when he needs to set time aside to do a chore.

The noticeboard might help everyone remembering stuff too. My ds has poor working memory associated with his dyslexia, and the dyslexia is strongly inherited (virtually all the boys in out family) is it possible that your children also have poor memories perhaps?

ColinFirthsGirth Sun 24-Apr-16 20:48:15

Hi nooka, thankyou for your message. They both have special educational needs and my son has Dyscalculia so they may well have. However there working memories have been tested and the assessors don't feel they particularly have an issue. Some of it is things I know that they can remember though. They have said to me recently that they just thought I would remember. This is after I have repeatedly asked them not to assume that I have remembered. It is more the general unwillingness to help really that is bothering me.

ColinFirthsGirth Sun 24-Apr-16 20:49:35

Oh and meant to say we have the whiteboard with tasks etc but still have to spend alot of energy getting them to actually do then including linking their pocket money to tasks completed.

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