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teenager sneaking out when grounded

(6 Posts)
isabellehelaine Fri 08-Apr-16 16:46:06

Hi, my younger son who turned 16 last Saturday was grounded today as last night he did not come home for tea (was supposed to come in latest at 8) and in the end his dad had to go and look for him past midnight. My son had in the end kept in touch with texts but he had had a few drinks. So today he was told that he was to stay in. Just went upstairs to check on him and he's left us a note saying he needs to be with his friends and will probably be back in the morning!!!! So worried as he has also said he will have his phone turned off. His brother has been on social media asking friends whether they know where he is but so far, no luck. What do we do??

gymboywalton Fri 08-Apr-16 16:47:38

my instinct is to phone the police but i am sure that is also not the best thing to do
no idea

whattodoforthebest2 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:00:02

I don't think the police will do anything if he's only been gone a few hours. Even tomorrow, since he's told you he'll be out, I don't think they'd do much.

Does he have a job? Do you give him an allowance? I think I'd be carefully considering stopping an allowance until he can show he respects your house rules. Unfortunately, at 16, there's not much you can do except stop cooperating. If he expects to be fed/given money or lifts, I'd be drawing a line I think. (I don't mean don't feed him, but maybe he should be doing it himself since he thinks he can be independent?)

BlenheimBouquet Fri 08-Apr-16 17:08:02

Do you mean punishment wise?

I run a boarding facility with 50 teens. If they are grounded and can't be trusted not to leave the premises they sign in with us every half an hour. Any missing sign ins results in an extra days grounding. I would tell him he now has two days grounding (at least) and during those two days he sits downstairs with you.

My lot know that they do the grounding or extra days gets added on ad infinitum. The longest nut to crack was 3 weeks. They eventually got the picture that it was easiest to just do the grounding properly and get it over with.

Frankly I'd be fucking furious with him.

isabellehelaine Sun 10-Apr-16 11:58:19

Hi, my son is now back safely at home (since yesterday morning). We managed to locate him on Friday night thanks to a good friend of his and to ascertain that he was safe. Of course relieved and glad he is now back with us. I don't think he realised the gravity of what he had done. We have pointed out how close we were to calling the police and the consequences that could have and I believe the message is sinking in. So episode is over and hopefully it was a one-off.

GlitteryShoes Sun 10-Apr-16 12:11:22

Hi, I foster teens and find grounding really ineffective - if they do stay in they just hate you rather than reflecting on why you have done it.
We had some 'missing from home' training which recommended being welcoming when they turn up - thank them for coming in, offer them a drink and don't broach the issue till the next day, when you explain about safety and discuss why it happened and what could be changed. I was really sceptical but it's had a 100% success rate! Last night my teen ran home to be in on time ( it's worked with lots of them). Sometimes it involves compromise, such as allowing extra time do they can get a certain bus etc. But the welcoming thing means that even if they are late, they will generally text or answer phone as they know they won't be in trouble. The mutual respect and communication can really help.

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