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my daughters 16 /17in june and stopped telling me where shes going

(10 Posts)
Tracyepeach Wed 06-Apr-16 19:10:53

I this normal, should I demand to know where she is going when she goes out ?

BackforGood Thu 07-Apr-16 00:27:42

My dc let me know, but we've not got into a "demand" situation.
(ds is 19, dd1 17, and dd2 14)
We've talked about common courtesy, and about safety.

HirplesWithHaggis Thu 07-Apr-16 00:38:23

I turned 17 in the May, left home for a holiday job in the June, went to Uni in the October and have never lived "at home" since. My parents got a weekly phone call if they were lucky - no mobiles in my day.

I'd say it's perfectly natural for her to be telling you less - unless, of course, she's expecting you to pick her up at random times and from strange places.

corythatwas Thu 07-Apr-16 09:42:21

This is a gradual cutting off-of threads. At that age (have one dc a little bit older and one a year younger), I would want to know when they will be back (actually I would want to be told that by any person who lived in my house however old) and if it was a party or other late-night thing I would expect to be told; also, if they went into town (if an appreciable distance) or to another town.

But I would also accept that a lot of teen daytime activity consists of going to call on X and then going to Y's house and then maybe going to the park to see if Z is there, and I wouldn't expect to be given a constant update on all their moves or expect them to have the details planned in advance. "I'm going for a walk" is good enough from my nearly-16yo.

BG2015 Fri 08-Apr-16 15:49:36

I get "I'm going out" from DS16.

That could mean a whole host of things, friends, shop. I just shout back "take a key"

If he's going into town, or further a field I usually know because I take him.

I do find it strange though not knowing where he is but appreciate its how it goes.

musicposy Sat 09-Apr-16 19:53:31

DD2 is the same age (17 in August) and will usually tell me "I'm going to x's house". However, much of the time I have very little idea of where x's house is, apart from a rough radius, maybe. She's quite chatty and open and so I tend to hear a lot about her friends, but as to exact addresses I've very little clue unless she happens to have known them years, or unless she needs lifts there.
I do expect her to tell me if she is planning a sleepover at a friends house or going to be out very late. That's for her safety as well as my peace of mind and she understands that.

Mishaps Sat 09-Apr-16 20:10:31

I had 3 girls in their teens together - I just had to hope and pray that they had picked up enough good sense to look after themselves. This was a few years ago and some of the things that would now worry me were not quite so much to the fore. I did ask that they say where they were going - but who knows whether they actually went where they said?

gamerchick Sat 09-Apr-16 20:14:51

It's normal, the only thing I want to know is if they're coming back or not.

But I left home at 16 so I'm not that fussed about knowing that much. You have to be confident in the lessons you've taught them earlier on have stuck somewhat imo.

HSMMaCM Sun 10-Apr-16 15:52:45

DD lets us know which friend she's going to see, but then they quite often go out, or to someone else's house. Then I get the phone call saying she's staying the night at another friends house. She's pretty good at letting me know her base of operations without worrying me with the finer details. I suspect the day will come soon (when she gets a car) when I will have no clue where she is.

bigTillyMint Sun 10-Apr-16 18:01:22

We have always had the rule that we would let our teens go out and about as long as they told us where they were going/when they were likely to be home/if they were sleeping over at a friends, and were available on their phones for us to check. It has worked so far.

DD turns 17 at the end of July and I hope she will still do the same as we just want to make sure she is safe and be able to help if there was ever a time she needed help. I don't need to know the finer details though!

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