Worried about my withdrawn teenage daughter.

[Fleur1975]

I posted this in the parenting section until a kind user pointed out to me that it was more suited to the 'Teenagers' section.

My eldest daughter has always been an independent girl especially compared to my other two youngers and growing up we were always close. She does very well at school but I can't help but worry over some changes in her behavior.

It has not been uncommon for her to ask for friends over every week, she was always out on the weekends and I seem to remember us having words on more than a few occasions about how little she spent at home.

She never has anyone over anymore and she rarely goes out, she quit her job saying she needed more time to focus on her studying (she's 17) and I often see her doing school work but more often than not she just watches tv all the time, uses the laptop and sleeps. For someone that used to argue with me to let her go to parties all night, I am concerned for her. She has been losing weight and interest in her looks too, she doesn't ever go on dates and before she would always badger me to buy her beauty products but now she doesn't seem to care.

I have tried to bring it up but she is very defensive and fiercely private, I don't want to push too hard but how can I do nothing? DS1 was exactly the same and moved out at 18.

I feel almost guilty to say DS1 has grown to be a cold person, I love him with all my heart especially as my firstborn but I feel I have failed him in some way. I know I should be happy that they are so independent but I couldn't bear for her to leave so soon as well.

I know it sounds like normal teenage behavior an I could probably dismiss it as mood swings but if there's anything I can do I will, I just don't know where to start.

[Peebles1]

That's difficult for you fleur. Especially if she won't open up to you - but that's fairly standard I guess. It could be normal, or there could be more to it.

Is she willing to spend time with you - watching TV with wine and nibbles; going shopping; a spa day? Maybe if you just relax together and you try not to mention any 'issues' she'll open up naturally?? Just a thought, not much help really - sorry!

[Nashelle]

Hi Fleur, I was wondering how she manages money-wise if she has mo job. Could she have depression? Or is there some part of her studies that she finds hard and is trying to avoid? Lack of motivation could be the problem - perhaps she really doesn't know what she wants in life. My DS1 is very private and I've no idea why - maybe , most kids are, but I think you need to talk to her straight about this.

I know you are afraid to lose her but she's young and most probably still needs giudance. Perhaps you could do something and 'really need her help' it might be easier to talk outside of the house, even if it's only food shopping. Make hef aware that youre there for her no matter what the problem is.

Check how much she eats. When I was 17 I stopped eating and lost weight but no one noticed!

Hope things improve for you :)