DD drinking and drugs

[Deeplysatisfied]

hi all, I'm not really sure what to do. My DD is 17 and has been out of school for a few months with depression, she stays in bed all day every day except for weekend nights when she goes out drinking. Usually she goes to the pub, I didn't used to mind as she would be home for 12 and always let me know where she's going. However now it's different. She is staying out until early hours meaning 6/7am and is going to multiple places per night. she doesn't have fake ID her and her friends (big group between 10-20 of them ages between 16-20) know all the pubs and how to sneak in, talk their way in etc. It's come to my attention from her social media and from hearing her chat with friends in her room that they drink excessive amounts usually many shots and multiple drinks followed by drinking games. Some weekends they have house parties as some of her friends live alone and I've over heard them talking about buying mdma and weed and I've heard them saying they've done it before and do it everytime there are house parties. I've spoke to DD about this, I've grounded her etc but she either Denys it or tells me she's old enough to do what she wants she has even snook out the house many times. I can't trust her anymore I don't want her life to be revolving around drugs and alcohol. I don't know how to get around this I can't talk to her she freaks out or ignores me. She's 17 she's not even old enough to be going out drinking etc. I tried to stop giving her money as she was spending it on nights out but her friends happily provide them for everyone.

Sorry for the long post

[Clare1971]

I could have written this, word for word, except my DD is hanging out with older men. No answers I'm afraid. Am trying to back right off and let her make her own decisions since she is 18 very soon. I don't give her money but she has savings left from a job she had last year. Not sure what will happen when that runs out. I know she is very unhappy and a lot of this behaviour is a form of distraction. I'm hoping she will decide to pull herself out of it eventually. She also suffers from depression, an eating disorder and has self harmed a lot. TBH I kind of see this drinking, drug use and sex as just more forms of self harm. I've run out of answers. There are some positive signs - she is pleasant at home these days (when awake!), does not seem quite so angry, talks more about how she feels and has said that she would like a job but isn't confident that she would manage. I'm hoping these are signs of growing maturity. Some days I'm more optimistic than others. Also, I do still like her. I went through a phase last year when I couldn't really say that but I can honestly say now I've stopped trying to change things quite so much I do enjoy her company. That helps a lot. I still lie awake at night worrying every night though.