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Shall I move my teenager to a different school?

(14 Posts)
Jenhulse15 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:46:39

I'm in desperate need of advice. I have a 13 year old daughter and we moved into a new area just before she started high school. I put her in the same school my sister attended to help her settle and my mum assured me it was a good school. My sister has since left the school with quite poor GCSE results. My daughter in the last year has got increasingly naughty! Now in year 8 she wears tons of makeup to school, which school do not care about - I'm finding ecigs in her blazer pockets and punishing her for this by taking away her phone and grounding her but she doesn't care in the slightest! She has met older boys through her friends and finds ways to message them on facebook planning to meet them - I always intercept and stop this happening and she is accusing me of ruining her life! She has started swearing at me and my partner, she does the complete opposite of what we say and all of her friends are horrid! The last friend she had over stole money from us and all the school kids look so scruffy and terrible! I feel they're all a massive bad influence. I also swear I have smelled canabis on her recently. I have tried speaking to the school about a few concerns - I emailed the head and he didn't bother replying, he got the receptionist to phone me back and shared my email with her form wasn't addressed to her! Then last week I phoned regarding the ecig she brought home which she said was her friends - she casually asked me to charge it for her! The school promised to phone back and they never bothered. Any how I've checked the ofsted report and it's shocking! Their GCSE pass rate is 33%!! Compared to the school down the road that has academy status which has 78%, and those kids always look well presented and don't wear a ton of makeup. Also not impressed with the schools parents evening - I was given a 10 minute slot with her form tutor who didn't really have a clue what was going on in the rest of her lessons, she just read me her school report which I had already read! When I was at school my parents saw all my teachers. She is in set 1 for everything and is very bright and I want the best for her. She has told me she will hate me if I move her as I already have moved her to a new area and she had to make all new friends...but I can't go on with her behaviour and risk her education. Shall I just man up and put her in the other school without telling her?

kimlo Sun 13-Mar-16 19:48:32

Go and see the other school.

ThreadyPants Sun 13-Mar-16 19:54:53

Her friends don't sound good for her. It's a shame you trusted the school initially based on family connections but I'm sure you know that and are beating yourself up for it already.

My children are way younger but if I saw their older cousins in this situation I'd hope to see something done about it. She might shine at the other school.

ThreadyPants Sun 13-Mar-16 19:56:04

I wouldn't do it behind her back though, can you coax her into a visit with you?

YaySirNaySir Sun 13-Mar-16 19:59:20

You are the parent do what you think is best for your child.
My DC went to a different secondary from most of their primary friends. The nearer one sounds just like your DD's school. Awful. Our DC complained before they went they wouldn't make friends etc but of course they did and have never looked back.

BeaufortBelle Sun 13-Mar-16 20:09:47

Go and see the other school. Do you think they might have,spaces? Write to her head teacher and send it recorded delivery. Note your disappointment that your orevious inquiries have not been dealt with and Sa you want to meet the head within ten working days, ie, before the start of the Easter holidays.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 13-Mar-16 20:16:34

Why did you not check the ofsted report and view the school before putting your dd in the school.

Jenhulse15 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:20:32

The other school says on the website that they have spaces in all years. I have spoken to her previously and warned her that if her behaviour doesn't improve then she is moving school..I got a huuuuge but expected tantrum and she hates life etc etc. I've also tried to dicuss it calmly with her that I think it is best and she could at least come and have a look at it with me..she point blank refused and said I'm a child abuser shock. I'm so mad with the school I honestly have lost my rag with the school and it has put my off conversing with them..they have just spent a ton of money on a state of the art all weather pitch too..which you would think they would concentrate on their GCSE results to be honest. My daughter is currently staying at her dad's this week for 'some space', that's why I'm thinking maybe I should just phone the other school on Monday and make enquiries . I don't feel it's an option to involve her at this point unfortunatly..I just go for it or leave her in the old school :-(

kimlo Sun 13-Mar-16 20:23:37

Go for it. You have lost confidence in her school and her behaviour cant continue.

What does her dad say? It will be really difficult if he doesnt back you.

Jenhulse15 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:41:49

I was in a bit of a difficult situation really and didn't have much choice, I needed to start a new job and relied on my mum to take her for the first few months whilst I found my feet. With my sister going to that school I felt she would look out for her and I was doing the right thing. I did look at other schools initially but the good ones were over subscribed and we came from out of area - I has assurance from my mum that the school had done amazingly by my sister and I jumped at it blindly and hoped for the best I think..with the benefit of hind sight I feel terrible about that. But to be totally honest I didn't have much other option

Jenhulse15 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:43:18

Her dad totally agrees and the rest of my family are behind me to be honest. I just needed an outsiders view on the situation. I wish things were different but I'd hate for her to get to 30 and ask me why I never intervened

PayetisbetterthanOzil Sun 13-Mar-16 21:21:57

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 13-Mar-16 23:11:36

Don't feel terrible it's not your fault the school is failing your dd. I can see why you thought it was a good idea for her to be with her aunt.
I would move your dd to the other school unless there is very good reason not to. Year eight is plenty of time to settle and make new friends.

JustDanceAddict Mon 14-Mar-16 10:18:47

I would move her without a second thought after seeing the 2nd school. Even if she didn't have unsuitable friends and was vaping, etc. the school sounds dreadful. My two are in secondary and it shouldn't be like that. Make up is not allowed (although some do wear subtle make up) and the school is a good one. Go and see the other school and see what it can offer.

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