Not sure where to put this thread but feel so alone with all this

(9 Posts)
Emochild Sat 12-Mar-16 23:18:08

I'm a single parent to 2 dds aged 12&14

My eldest has aspergers and severe anxiety -has just started having home tutoring after 10 months of school refusal due to anxiety

My 12 year old is in yr 7 and has all the usual year 7 friendship issues -plus an older sister who is verbally vile to her when her anxiety is bad -which it is at the minute due to the tutoring starting

I'm trying to hold down a full time job

Very little involvement with their dad -his choice

My family live over an hour away
I can't move closer as i'm on a training contract so can't remortgage or get a rental contract

Feel like i'm in an emotionally abusive relationship with my oldest as she verbally lashes out -tells me i'm a waste of space etc but has no comprehension of the impact it has on me

I feel like i'm drowning

Dd1 won't access any support as she's quite happy in her own world, can't see the long term

I just need a break from it all but can see the years stretching out ahead of me with no down time

Am I the only one who can't do this parenting thing?

GetMeOut Sat 12-Mar-16 23:43:52

thankswinethankshugs. No real practical advice other than I am finding teenage years very hard as well ( much harder than babies or toddlers ) unless time has dimmed that trauma. I have a couple of things I say ( to myself ):
Tomorrow is another day ( i.e. Slim outside chance therefore that it might be better....)
This too will pass ( surely, like all the other developmentally phases.... )Though I do suspect this one might be the longest. It feels it...

Try and do little things to be nice to yourself. cakechocolate

Emochild Sun 13-Mar-16 07:18:16

I would pay money to be pacing the floor with a screaming baby at 3am if it meant I didn't have to deal with my life right now

GetMeOut Sun 13-Mar-16 07:34:19

It's sounds really difficult and as you say you feel as if you are drowning. Do you have a good GP that you could talk to ? More hugs and chocolate

Emochild Sun 13-Mar-16 07:43:15

I've seen the GP, he says i'm experiencing a normal emotional reaction to a tough situation and I should make time for a coffee with a friend -hmmmm

Not entirely sure how that's possible when i'm limited to how long I can leave the girls without them killing each other, plus, dd1 won't tollerate other people in the house -and don't we all suffer for it if people do come round

That and the fact I don't really have many friends -because it's very rare I can accept an invitation for a coffee etc!

GetMeOut Sun 13-Mar-16 08:25:09

Mmh not overly helpful.
But I'll have a brewwith you

mumslife Sun 13-Mar-16 08:45:01

you poor thingxxx
I can relate as I have a nineteen year old daughter currently away at uni and a nearly fourteen year old with aspergers
All this verbal and sometimes physical lashing out us in my experience typical if aspwrgers
Can you access any support groups sometimes they can send someone round for x amount of hours for support
My dd would say she loves her brother but ut has been hard for her growing up. She often had not got the attentiin she needed but has never complained.
Probably helps being five years older but there have been sime very tough tumes
I call it extreme parenting and seriiysly it us absolutely no reflectiin on you as a parent its the conditiin
Take care and keep postingxxx

Clare1971 Sun 13-Mar-16 17:26:01

It's not your parenting skills. My good friend has an asperger child and I sometimes used to be silently critical of the way she managed him until he came to stay with me for a fortnight without her. And he wasn't even difficult with me - just that I saw what it was like to live with it constantly and realised that lots of the things which work with other children simply don't work with an ASD child. I've had nothing but total admiration for her since and he's grown into a really lovely young man after some truly difficult years. Can't offer any help I'm afraid but don't ever doubt your parenting.

flowergirl456 Sun 13-Mar-16 18:36:25

I'm so sorry it's getting you down. I have a friend with an Aspergers daughter and it is tough, it's like the usual gateways to communication aren't there. I can't offer any practical suggestions I'm afraid, except I think the teenager years are the hardest part of raising children. My friend's daughter has settled now (she's into her 20s) and she seems more happy with herself and so more pleasant with everyone else. They managed to get her extra help at her local College too (for many years she didn't do education for a variety of reasons, anxiety with exams being one of them.) I do hope things get better for you x

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