Losing the will to battle on ... any advice welcome ...(3 Posts)
My 18 year old son is getting the better of me, I'm not sure where to go or what to do next.
My son is 18 but functions at a much lower age. He was always loving and caring but that has changed now, he is angry and aggressive all the time. Not much is going right for him, he is of lower academic ability, but also refuses to put any effort in to anything he does. He failed to pass any GCSEs (despite being capable - he had a maths tutor for over 6 years, who said he was capable). He went to college after school studying for a level 2 qualification, he passed this by the skin of his teeth (and perhaps too much parental contribution). The college refused to allow him to progress to level 3 owing to his lack of effort, but did allow him to study another subject at level 2. That's not going well either! We helped him to find a work experience placement, but we have discovered that he doesn't always turn up.
He has very poor personal hygiene, he smells even when he's bathed but believes it's just us exaggerating. He needs to be reminded to clean his teeth (which are very yellow), his room is also very dirty.
He has no hobbies (other than X-box) despite years of trying to engage him in activity (gymnastics, riding, football, tennis, expensive camera!).
He doesn't seem to understand that he needs to put some effort into something. All I would like is for him to find something he wants to do so that he will be able to support himself.
The girlfriend situation is yet another nightmarish scenario ...
Not sure how to motivate him into action. I've tried being nice, being reasonable, begging, getting upset, getting angry. Nothing sinks in.
Is it time for tough love? He's technically an adult although obviously if he has special needs that make things different. My DSs aren't at that age yet so I'm not sure what I would do tbh, but didn't just want to read and run.
Lay out the rules of acceptable behaviour of adults living in the house (including him obviously) such as showering and using deodorant daily etc. Picking up after themselves, contributing to the household budget unless in full time education. sharing in household chores. If these conditions aren't met then he needs to find somewhere else to live. Same goes though as for when he was a toddler, never threaten any action you are not prepared to carry out.
Sympathy from me, my dd is just the same. She also has low academic ability, and is disabled. She has to be really really nattered at to bathe. I have all but given up unless she is going out with me. Hopefully comments from peers will be more listened to.
She also doesn't seem to get the need to revise. She just fails at stuff. She did pass maths thanks to the private tutor.
I can't see her ever being able to live independently successfully, she is so needy. I live in hope she will mature!
Does your DS have a job apart from the work placement? Mine works on a voluntary basis every Sunday. It is the one saving grace.
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