Sad DD and her Dad who doesn't see her.(2 Posts)
Sorry this is long.
DD is 17.
ExH and I split when DD was 6, he was EA, gaslighting, financially abusive.
He was originally from London and we live a few hours away but after me he met someone else and stayed locally until DD was 12. He saw DD EOW and some evenings. During this time he sometimes said and did things that didn't sit well with me and DD felt the same but still she loved her Dad and most of the time they had a good relationship.
Then when DD was 12 ExH's relationship broke down and he moved back to London. Visits became occasional and sporadic, then ExH met someone new.
By this time DD was 13. One weekend he picked DD up and took her to London for the weekend, on the Friday night ExH took DD to meet his new girlfriend. For whatever reason DD and the new woman did not get on, DD says she was very rude to her and clearly didn't want her around. So on the Saturday ExH shut DD in his flat for the whole day and Saturday night and went to his girlfriends. He came back to the flat to collect her and brought her home on Sunday.
Although DD had a mobile phone she didn't tell me that she was alone in his flat, in fact, she was sending texts saying that everything was fine and she was having a nice time. When she came home she told me the truth and I told him that if he wanted to see DD he would have to resume regular contact and that it was unacceptable to leave DD alone in a place she didn't know for a day and a night. At this ExH said that he just didn't want to see DD anymore.
I hoped he would change his mind, I sent an email to that effect but he insisted that he didn't want any further contact with DD, he blamed her for telling me that she had been left in the flat alone when he had told her not to tell me about it.
Now DD is taking her A levels, she is clever and funny and kind and astute. she has never been a difficult teen. I am very proud of her, any parent would be. Except him.
Over time DD thought about it and realised that he is abusive and she doesn't want to see him even if he did want to see her.
The trouble is that every now and again DD becomes very upset that she has a Dad who doesn't want to be a part of her life, she feels abandoned. She doesn't want counselling. Is there any other way I can get her to reconcile her feelings about only having one parent who cares for her, even though she doesn't want to see him anyway?
Other than support her, there's nothing you can do. The realisation that one of your parents just doesn't care is very painful, coming to terms with it is hard and goes in stages. Maybe in time she will feel ready to seek professional help, but for now love her and support her choices - this is her journey and she must choose the route.
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