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DD1 misbehaving a lot at school

(9 Posts)
WhenTheDragonsCame Thu 25-Feb-16 18:19:33

DD1 changed school in September as we moved to a different city. Her behaviour hasn't been great for quite a while but since we moved it has gotten a lot worse.

At home she has her moments but on the whole it isn't too bad but at school it is awful. Fighting, taunting lessons, not doing as she is told, not wearing the correct uniform, being rude, walking off when she is being spoken to.

I have told her that if her behaviour doesn't improve she will be forced to change school but she says she doesn't want to and she wouldn't go to the new school. She also doesn't want to move back to the old city. I have asked her why she is behaving like this and she just says she doesn't know.

I have two younger DDs and am currently at university so finding this all very stressful.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Thank you.

swarskicat Thu 25-Feb-16 18:22:04

How old is your DD? Does she have friends at the new school? Teenage years are harder than I could ever have imagined when I held my first babe in arms...but they do pass.

WhenTheDragonsCame Thu 25-Feb-16 18:28:50

She is 14 and in year 9.

If I knew they would be this hard I would not have had 3! Her dad doesn't want to see her because he is a selfish twat so I am doing it on my own.

She has had some issues with a few girls at the new school (she has had friendship issues since year 2) but does have friends. She is adamant that she does not want to move school.

I don't want to get to the point that I am counting down until she can leave home but it is really hard. I'm dreading having to do it again in a few years.

endofmytethertake100 Thu 25-Feb-16 20:54:18

Oh my you could be me! My DD identical but add horrid boyfriend to the mix. She is on her last chance at school but said if they move her she won't go.

MajesticWhine Thu 25-Feb-16 22:38:09

Part of it is probably the usual teenage hell. But also maybe she is angry about having moved to a new city and taken away from old friends and familiarity and she is expressing this anger in misbehaving at school? She may not be aware of this because it's unconscious. Ok, so you say she doesn't want to move back to the old city but even so she possibly still feels a bit sad or angry about the move.

WhenTheDragonsCame Fri 26-Feb-16 07:41:06

DD has a boyfriend, I have seen the messages! I haven't met him so not sure what sort of influence he is on her.

She might possibly be angry in general as her dad told her he would spend time with her when we moved but it's only happened once and now he "doesn't feel motivated to see her". I have spoken to her about it but she won't tell me how she feels.

I'm at a loss as to how I can influence her behaviour at school. They keep asking me to speak to her but that doesn't seem to work.

Scatter Fri 26-Feb-16 09:03:37

I would get her some counselling if you can, ideally with a school counsellor if the school has a good one, or privately if you can afford it. She sounds like she needs someone to talk to outside of the family. Being 14 is tough and on top of the usual tough teenage stuff (crazy brain development, dealing with puberty/sexual/emotional/hormonal chaos of feelings, worrying about school work and looming major qualifications, starting to realise that she has to grow up and make a life for herself, peer pressure, media/online pressure, increased expectations from everyone around her and so much more), she is also having to process the stuff about your partner and moving to a new school. Talking to someone independent and non-judgemental will help her.

Good luck.

lljkk Fri 26-Feb-16 09:33:49

why would she be forced to change school?

WhenTheDragonsCame Fri 26-Feb-16 10:19:55

I don't have a partner, haven't done since I split with ExH five and a half years ago.

Lljkk she doesn't at the moment but she has been suspended once for throwing a table across a room and nearly suspended a second time for fighting but as the other girl started it DD got isolation for a day instead. I have had 10 emails this with ranging from her not wearing appreciate school uniform to her truanting classes. There is only so much the school will put up with before they say they can no longer deal with it. She has another 2.5 years at the school.

They have mentioned getting her counselling, she has had some sessions in the past, and they are in communication with the children and young people services.

Her behaviour at home isn't perfect, she steals money for example, but I can deal with it here but no matter what I try it doesn't seem to have any affect on her behaviour at school.

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