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14 year old DD First boyfriend age difference

(44 Posts)
Memeking Sun 21-Feb-16 21:46:17

So my 14 year old DD in year 10 has started dating a lad who so far seems really nice, he took her out on Valentine's and got her a Pandora ring which I thought is really grown up of him, even though they've only been together a moth but have known each other for awhile. Her real dad likes him a lot but her step dad (my husband) doesn't approve of them because he's 15 and in year 11 but DD insists if he was born 2 month later he'd be in her year so there isn't anything to worry about but my husband says as soon as he turns 16 he will only want one thing: sex. Should I listen to my husband Or is he being too drematic? They seem to suit really well and I think a boyfriend would be good for her. Is he too old for her?

Gisla Sun 21-Feb-16 21:49:00

as soon as he turns 16 he will only want one thing: sex

Pretty sure this isn't limited to boys aged 16 or over.

IHaveBrilloHair Sun 21-Feb-16 21:53:11

Gosh, a Pandora ring is quite an expensive gift isn't it?
Anyway, I don't think the age difference is a major deal, DD is 14, her last bf was 15, her current bf is 13, so long as it's not a large gap I don't worry.
Her bf is a lovely lad, polite, friendly and respectful of DD, me, and our home,

Peebles1 Sun 21-Feb-16 22:17:01

My DD's bf was in year 12 when she was year 10. They went out for almost three years. We didn't have a problem with it. I'm afraid they did have sex though - but as a pp says, that's not necessarily down to age.

Socialaddict Mon 22-Feb-16 12:40:03

I would not worry about the age difference at all - it is not that big in any case. Besides, they will have sex when they are ready and want to do it, not necessarily when he becomes 16. It is more important that you like him and approve of him, so they will be a good influence on each other.

Wolfiefan Mon 22-Feb-16 12:42:01

I thought you were going to say she had a boyfriend in his 20s! A few months wouldn't worry me. (And boys don't magically become desperate for sex at 16!)

TurnOffTheTv Mon 22-Feb-16 12:43:55

What if your daughter is desperate for sex once he turns 16 grin

SoupDragon Mon 22-Feb-16 12:46:03

I can only assume that your DH was once a sex mad, badly behaved 16 year old and is judging everyone by his own standards.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 22-Feb-16 12:48:44

The year above doesn't seem a problem to me.
It is nice her stepdad is looking out for her but does he realise interest in getting physical isn't restricted to boys and doesn't automatically spark on the 16th birthday.
I think a boyfriend would be good for her just wondering, in what way?

DixieNormas Mon 22-Feb-16 12:52:02

I don't like the sound of your husband much.

Is this a new thing? when I was that age we didn't all magically want sex once we hit 16 lots of us wanted it before then

Jackie0 Mon 22-Feb-16 12:55:47

Thats no age gap at all.
It sounds lovely and absolutely appropriate.
Your husband is getting a bit carried away.

sparkleonthedancefloor Mon 22-Feb-16 13:05:22

Looking at what I was like at that age I think if DD had a boyfriend like this I'd be very happy.
Surely it's better that your DD has sex with someone you think is mature and caring, that you like? That seems like a situation most parents would feel lucky to be in. Let them be happy and have fun smile

Owllady Mon 22-Feb-16 13:10:12

Lol Dixie, I thought the same!
He's a few months older than her op, that doesn't make him a lothario

Clare1971 Mon 22-Feb-16 13:34:42

Do you know the half plus seven rule? Not sure where it comes from but my DD quoted it to me once and we both laughed but thought it worked quite well. You take the oldest person's age, halve it and add seven to give you the lowest limit of someone they should date so in this case when boyfriend is 16 that would be half (8) plus 7 = 15 - no problem! If you try this with different ages it does actually work quite well in a funny sort of way. Sadly didn't stop my DD17 going out with a 30 YO though

Clare1971 Mon 22-Feb-16 13:35:55

(I realise she's only 14 but I'm guessing she'll be 15 before he's 16 if he's a June baby)

Floggingmolly Mon 22-Feb-16 13:37:35

Why on earth do you think a boyfriend would be good for your 14 year old?

rogueantimatter Mon 22-Feb-16 14:53:10

TBH it's unlikely to last so I'd try not give it too much importance. Teenagers love a bit of drama - if your DD realises that her parents are concerned or even just giving it importance - her bf will assume more importance to her.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook Mon 22-Feb-16 18:06:26

I can only assume that your DH was once a sex mad, badly behaved 16 year old and is judging everyone by his own standards.


As the parent of a 16 year old DS I am frequently disappointed by the things people assume about teen boys.

Floggingmolly Mon 22-Feb-16 18:33:49

Yes, I know that, Giraffe. Just don't see why their mums would be cheering them on from the sidelines on the grounds that it's good for them??
Not suggesting it's actually bad, btw, just that the mum sounds somewhat over invested.

Owllady Mon 22-Feb-16 18:41:47

Me too sparklingbrook. My parents only had daughters and the picture that was painted to me as a teen versus what I witness myself as the mum of boys, one a teen is a world away! My teen son isn't unique. He's a lovely, sensitive, sensible boy and really very gawdy shock

IHaveBrilloHair Mon 22-Feb-16 18:43:15

I can assure you I don't do that Sparkling
I have spoken too DD at length about how to treat bfs, and how she's to respect them, and not pressure them either.
My best friend has two teenaged sons and they are lovely, she tells me she worries about them just as much as her DD, as she should of course, but it's helpful to me as Mum to an only DD.

RumAppleGinger Mon 22-Feb-16 18:52:12

Honestly I really dont think there is an age gap at all. It was usual when I was at school for girls to be seeing boys in the year above and then some. And if I remember correctly there isn't some sexual switch that gets flicked on the day you turn 16. Pretty sure I was a raging bag of hormones and dirty thoughts way before my 16th birthday. If he treats your DD respectfully and adheres to any rules you may lay down I wouldn't have any issue.

BackforGood Mon 22-Feb-16 18:55:11

I'm with SparklingBrook and others.
What an offensive statement from your dh.

However, I really don't see this as an age gap at all - I assumed from your title he was going to be about 20 or older. confused

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