My dd will be 21 in 2 days time and hasn't spoken to us for almost 2 years now. She met her BF when she was a happy 17 1/2 year old and within weeks they were inseparable. He used to hang around with one of her friends at school although he had left to go to college and l think he was the reason she failed her 1st year of A Levels (she was an A* student) anyway they got together in the Sep 2012 and within weeks she had dropped her A Levels to do a college course she said would be better than A Levels as it was in the field she wanted to work, she applied without telling us and got a place. We agreed to let her swap but little did we know what lay ahead. This course meant she only had to go to college 3 days a week and the days she didn't go were the same day BF had off too - convenient.
If he wasn't our house she had to be at his to all hours. lf she went out with friends he always had to go or would just turn up. She was texting him upto 500 times a day even if she saw him.
By Christmas she had dropped all her friends, stopped going out and they just sat at home watching reruns on telly or baking cakes (our dd didn't like cooking and had never been interesting in learning even when she was little and told her cookery teacher cooking was not for her but now it was all she wanted to do because it was what he wanted to do).
The first time my OH met BF's mother she was so proud to tell my OH that she was going to be her eldest DD's birthing partner and that would be us soon. Christmas eve we had BF and his mother round for food and drink but would you believe she never invited us to her house when she invited our DD to spend Boxing Day with them and when my OH went to collect our DD they left him sitting in the car for almost an hour.
Things go more difficult after Christmas and the run up to her 18th birthday and it was like walking on eggshells we could not say or do anything right. But just after her 18th birthday we noticed that she was wearing a wedding ring on her left hand and when we asked about it she flow into a rage saying she had had it for ages and it was nothing to do with us.
By this time l thought it was time l spoke to his mother - big mistake- she told me she had asked our DD to move in with them and it was time she rebelled and she had run away from her parents when she was 16 with her BF who she later married and it was an abusive relationship and that wedding ring was her's and she had given it to her son (she has 2 older DD's neither married but both have children why didn't she give it to 1 of them?) and he didn't know what to do with it so he gave it to our DD. That was the day she never came home and we lost her for good.
We talked to her friends and they all said they don't like him and he has issues. This scares me.
He always used to say he had 3 mums, he has never had a dad around and his sisters had their BF's to stayover any time they liked and he shared his mum's bed until he was about 11 or 12, his sister's moved out within 6 weeks of each other and didn't speak to their mum for several years - do you see a pattern with this family or is it just me.
I think l have come to the end now and just feel it i.s time to go
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Teenagers
MY DD hates me.
Nomore1 · 15/02/2016 12:08
Years ago there used to be groups who would stage interventions when someone was caught up in a cult. They would literally swoop in, take the person and debrief them. The stories of mind-programming were horrific. This seems to be what's happening here and it must be awful to witness your daughters going through this.
Nomore you poor thing. This situation is just beyond horrific. I really hope at some point your DD has a wake up call and makes a break from this family who have clearly brainwashed her and continue to manipulate her. The mother is appalling - how would she feel if she hadn't had any contact with one of her children. She should be welcoming you in with open arms in an attempt to resolve this.
We had a similar situation with my DSis last year. The mother of her newly acquired boyfriend asked her to move into their family home, 2 hours away from her family, job and friends. My DSis who had always been so home sick at uni that she came home every weekend disappeared for weeks. On the one occasion she met us, the boyfriend was bombarding her with text messages about when she would be back. We continued to make contact with my DSis, although fortunately that was because she usually replied to texts and calls. A few weeks later, I received a phone call from her absolutely distraught. By the time I got to her she was minimising it into just an argument with her boyfriend and went back to him. A couple of days later it transpired she had tried to leave that night, but he had taken her phone and car keys, then pinned her to the bed with his knees on her chest. He is a rugby player!
I'm grateful her first instinct was to call me, even if the truth didn't immediately out. For that reason, if the ongoing situation is too traumatic (which I'm sure it is) I would do anything possible to get the message to your DD that you love her unconditionally and are there for her whenever needed, then stop persuing contact. You are in limbo at the moment and need to look after yourselves too.
I hope she sees sense soon, no matter how great she makes out life is with these people, the controlling nature and intensity of the r/ship can't be nice to live with.
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