Why do all the kids end up at my house?

[BG2015]

I have 2 DS 16 & 13. We Moved closer to the boys school and my job 8 months ago after living 9 miles away for my (now ex)partners work.

It's been a great decision and we are all finally able to meet friends easier, my self included. My own parents were fine about me and my brothers having friends round and I've wanted to be like that with my own 2 kids.

However as the weekend approaches (mainly Saturday eve) I begin to dread having 4/5 kids in the house, plus my own 2.

We live in a 3 storey house with the living room and master bedroom on the middle floor, the boys are above us and we're constantly asking them to turn music down, switch lights off and be quiet.

I've had to order kids out of the house many times as I just can't stand it. The 13yr old is particularly noisy and shows off in front of his friends.

I've started setting a time of everybody gone by 10pm. And I've banned people from staying over.

Does anyone else have this problem?

[janethegirl2]

When my kids were that age, we had a houseful most weekends but it didn't bother us too much as we preferred knowing where they were.

[BG2015]

I do like knowing where they are, but they never seem to go anywhere else. DS16 has one friend who stays over quite a bit but DS never goes to his house. I just wish it was more balanced.

[BackInTheRealWorld]

I always wanted my house to be the one that my children's friends would congregate in....until it happened. I NEVER swear round my children until one fateful night bursting into my sons room (after repeated warnings) shouting "SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW OR I WILL START DRAGGING YOU OUT BY YOUR HAIR"

[Canshopwillshop]

I hope my house is like this when my DC are that age. My DD is only 11 and plays out but her and her friends always end up back at our house. I do encourage it though as I like to know where she is.

[Canshopwillshop]

Oh fuck - just read Backinthereal's post!

[janethegirl2]

I enjoyed having the house full of kids

[BG2015]

back that sounds very familiar!

I threw 4 of DS16 friends out at 3 am a few weeks ago. Constant noise, banging, and god knows what else. I went up screaming like a banshee in my dressing gown!

I was the talk of school apparently on Monday morning, yet they still come here! DS16 says all his friends wish their mums were more like me ha ha!

Luckily they bring their own food in the form of chips or pot noodles, or get it delivered.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

I have the opposite problem. Ds1 is 15 and would rather spend his life at his friend's house, because his friend's parents let their son and all their son's friends smoke (fags and copious quantities of weed) round there. They have an open door policy so teenagers wander in and out freely until about 10, later at weekends.

They like to think they're cool parents. I think they're fucking twats and they're making my life 1000x more difficult because my son thinks they're cool too, and that I, in comparison, am unreasonable in expecting him to come home at a reasonable hour and go to school.

So if you're having lots of other people's kids round at yours all the time, make sure their parents are happy about it. It's great that you all know where your own kids are but some of us have no idea and our teenagers don't always bother telling us.

[Curiousflannel]

Harriet to the cool parents. Fucking twats indeed they are.

I don't have everyone at my house as I'm not cool at all. That means I don't allow a dozen teens the run of the house until all hours, and no drinking and smoking. And I don't care if they are 17/18 and its allowed elsewhere.

I'm apparently too strict and old fashioned so dd does not like to bring everyone round. They tend to congregate at the homes of the cool single dads who are either not bothered or are not there. They would be welcome to come here every now and then but there would be rules and I would be hovering around.

OP you must be fed up having everyone around all the time. I know I'd be fed up as well. How about telling them that x number of nights no one is allowed around?

[BG2015]

I've started limiting them to only 1 friend staying over and quite often tell them that NO ONE is staying at all. I work full time and just need some peace.

To be fair, it's only really at weekends. It's been a steep learning curve for me, I wanted them to be happy (after living so far away from friends previously) that it was all a bit of a novelty at first. But now I've had to set a few more boundaries and be a lot firmer.

What makes me laugh is that no matter how horrible I am, shouting and occasionally asking them to leave, they still come back, all say hello and then thank me for letting them come round when they leave.

[ImperialBlether]

My daughter's friend had 'cool parents' too. Anything the kids wanted to do, they could do, and that applied to guests, too.

Be careful that it's not because there's no man in the house that they all feel free to do whatever they want.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

DS has a friend over today. I was feeling slightly bad that I've only thrown a few bits of pizza in their direction (they are 14 and have been playing computer games all day) You're all making me feel much better about hosting expectations!

[BG2015]

I have a man in the house. My partner.

[CalicoBlue]

I have always been happy for DS (18) to have his friends round. Dh less so, and does not like visitors in the house. He used to work abroad a lot, so I would let the kids have their friends round then.

DS and his mates were usually good about the noise and mess. One night I was woken up and about to get up and tell them off, then realised it was 7am and they were leaving. House was tidy and nothing broken.

I limit the numbers to no more than 10, in the summer they have the garden and a curfew of 11pm for music to go off and 12 for them all to leave. Works quite well, when DH is not here.

I know that some of the parents are happy to have them round a lot and some do not allow them round at all. I would be happy to have them round once a month, not every weekend though.

[TheSecondOfHerName]

We've managed to get a reputation as uber-strict parents, due to our extremely draconian rules:

1. Don't do anything that would require me to call the emergency services.
2. No underage drinking (I will let our teenagers have a beer with a family meal, but I'm not providing alcohol to other people's children).
3. If you make a mess then you clear it up.
4. No noise after 11pm (next door neighbour with shared wall has to get up at 4am for work).

This means that:
A) They don't end up here too often.
B) When they do, they are polite and behave responsibly.

I might become more lenient about the alcohol when they are all over 16. At the moment, DS1 is nearly 16, but many of his friends are 15 and some are only 14 (year below).

[BG2015]

After a peaceful(ish) 5 days DS16 returns from his school trip to Berlin and the youth club re-opens.

I can tell whose in the house by the trainers left at the front door. Currently 2 visitors here, 1 has left to play football.

[poorbuthappy]

After spending my formative years at everyone else's houses simply because if you breathed out heavily in my house my mum would get the Hoover out have always sworn i would have an open house policy.

[Obs2016]

Maybe you need to just sit down and talk about some respect, and rules, and that if they don't agree, from now on, no one will be coming round, at all.

[Princessjonsie]

Be grateful. Mine was always the house they came to. There was always a teenager asleep in the spare bed/ on the sofa. Various friends at meal times and always a 6ft lad hanging out of my fridge. They are all 22/23 now and have own flats, moved away including my own son who is going to Texas in four weeks. You will miss it. Although I still see them and they pop up on Facebook when they want advise or help its now really quiet. I miss the hustle and bustle ( although at the time I moaned about the mess, noise and food/elec bill ) . Treasure it as it goes in a heart beat

[Princessjonsie]

Just read some messages and want to add I was certainly not " a cool parent". There were rules. When they came in they were quiet. They make a mess they tidy it. No drinking, smoking , swearing or drugs. Treat people in the house with respect. If they turned up drunk or broke the rule there were punishments. It was a great way to get the garden mowed and chores that I couldn't manage done. One night three came back noisy and drunk. They were woken at 10am and made to mow the lawns and paint the fence. They liked the boundaries and treat me with nothing but respect and a little bit of love. I am my sons parent not his best mate and I'm extended parent to his friends and not their mate

[Jw35]

You need to have some boundaries in place! They come to you because their parents don't want a houseful!

These are my rules:
1.You must ask me before you invite anyone over every single time

1. No more than one or two friends or it's a party
2. No drinking or smoking
3. Friends leave at 9pm unless they're staying the night
4. No boys in bedroom (I have girls)
5. No eating food without checking except crisps, biscuits or squash