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How much freedom for a 16yr old boy

(17 Posts)
onebusymum Fri 12-Feb-16 21:40:05

My ds will be 17 in June.
He goes to college and is generally a good lad, studies well, is a member of a local sports team
He has a girlfriend. I usually have a curfew of 10pm in the week, as he has to walk a couple of miles from her house, plus I wouldn't sleep until he is in.
The other night he decided he wasn't coming home, this annoyed me as it wasn't Pre arranged or anything, he spent the night at her house, her mum was working night.
Im not naive I know that he will be having sex, he has had the birds and bees talk lots!
What do you let your teens do?

ilove Fri 12-Feb-16 21:42:20

He's 16, nearly 17. He can leave home if he wants to!!! Did he let you know he was staying over by text or calling? Relax the reins a little, really...

onebusymum Fri 12-Feb-16 21:46:14

It was just a im not coming home text.
I wasnt annoyed about him not coming home, Pre arranged fine, just a little respect!!!

Unnerved Fri 12-Feb-16 21:52:48

Wow you give a 16-almost 17 boy a curfew of 10pm? When i was his age i went out drinking and slept over at my boyfriends house. Your far too strict.

DramaAlpaca Fri 12-Feb-16 21:55:22

I was OK with my teenage boys staying out overnight at 16/17 as long as they texted me to let me know where they were.

Your son sounds like a sensible lad, and him texting you is showing you respect.

onebusymum Fri 12-Feb-16 22:15:40

He is sensible, think its maybe how I was brought up which was strict! At weekends he doesnt really have a time aslong as I can contact him. I just dont like him walking around uround on his own, once he has a car I will relax!

Keeptrudging Fri 12-Feb-16 22:19:01

My son had left home and was working/mostly self-supporting by that age. However, could you maybe appeal to his better nature to let you know if he's staying out, just out of courtesy?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 12-Feb-16 22:21:52

I agree with you OP, I think 10 pm is fair enough. He presumably has college work to do and needs to be rested, not wandering the streets. I would let the curfew go at weekends though, and not worry about the odd night not coming home, as long as he let me know that.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 12-Feb-16 22:23:17

Don't bank on being relaxed when he's driving, I can't relax until I hear the key in the door.

onebusymum Fri 12-Feb-16 22:32:07

I dont suppose you ever relax about them really, Throughthickandthin01!
Probably worst as he is the eldest!

katiekatie4141 Fri 12-Feb-16 22:57:45

I lived alone at 16 and I'm fine. Don't worry give him his freedom as long as he texts so your not worrying then I can't see an issue.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 12-Feb-16 23:20:31

You always get people who say they or they're dc left home at 16 and they were fine etc but I don't know anyone who left home at that age. It's very rare in my experience. Normally they have to follow family rules and guidelines.

Except ds1 (now 19). He had to leave home as he was offered a football scholarship with a pro club in a different town. But the family he lived with in 'digs' had rules and regulations, one of which was that he was expected to be in around 10 pm unless he let them know.

It's not just parents who impose rules if they have 16 year olds living with them. It's guardians as well. At 16 they are still a child.

If I were you I would stay as you are OP but relax rules more when he's 17.

Keeptrudging Fri 12-Feb-16 23:46:04

Yes, I agree it's unusual to leave home at 16, it was purely due to the type of work/training he was doing. The key is communication - a quick text. My son may have left home, but when he's up on holiday, the deal is he texts me to let me know when/if he'll be home (as I expected when he was still at home). It was never a big deal - he's a nice young man & knows I worry, it's no hassle for him to do it.

rogueantimatter Sat 13-Feb-16 20:07:26

I agree with thickandthin and keeptrudging

I'd tell him that it's cheeky to stay overnight in someone's home without their permission.

AndNowItsSeven Sat 13-Feb-16 20:09:53

My dd is 17 and has a curfew of 16 weekdays , 11 weekends. Under 18's in education living at home are still their parents responsibility.

BackforGood Sun 14-Feb-16 18:12:50

I too agree with Thickandthin and others.
Not my experience that people are leaving home at 16.

It's a fine line to balance - I'd ask him if his gf's parents knew he was staying there (if she was at work) and talk about that.
I too would expect him to be home at a reasonable time each evening and to let me know where he was. It's basic respect for others you share a home with and that you know will worry if you go missing.
Yes, my (now) 17 and 19 yr olds can stay out later if they want, and can stay at friends houses if that's ok with friends family, but at that age they do generally need prodding reminding about thinking about arrangements for the next day. There's a big difference, IMO between a week night and a weekend night.

GasLightShining Sun 14-Feb-16 21:37:45

I would rather my DS stay over than walk a couple of miles in the dark. However I would be concerned that her mother didn't know.

10ish not unreasonable on a week night. My DS17 (Y13) sometimes works until 10ish on a weekday so can hardly say that's ok but not to go out and socialize

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