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20 yr old and 18yr old not doing their fair share

(10 Posts)
fedupmum1971 Wed 03-Feb-16 19:35:04

Hi I am a single mum of 20 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter. Both of them work and pay £45 a week for food/bills (they both earn £250+ a week), sadly not in great jobs as they both dropped out of college, but do have good work ethics as they like having money! My son smokes weed and daughter used to until she turned 18 last summer and started hitting the town A LOT !! I have tried to take a step back and let them learn by their own mistakes, but do try to guide/advise them from time to time/ then alternate by leaving them to it again.
Biggest issue is the fact that they are both 'typical teenagers' and come in late, make a mess in the kitchen etc, which they leave. They know they are expected to clean after themselves, but just don't bother. I have tried most things, having a rota, ignoring, nagging, threatening to throw them out etc. I feel I have no bargaining power as they are pretty much independent. I really don't want to kick them out as they have nowhere to go. It is really making me feel disrespected and im sick of moaning/nagging. Anyone got any ideas???

QuiteLikely5 Wed 03-Feb-16 19:39:04

Stop doing anything for them. No laundry, no cooking, no food shopping, do not tidy away their mess. Tidy yours but leave theirs.

Failing that I would pack their bags and when you know they are due home hand then their stuff.

They don't respect you by the sounds of it, you need to show them that you mean business.

I wouldn't throw them out for real but if you did the above I'm sure they would get a shock

BoboChic Wed 03-Feb-16 19:39:17

Oh dear. Poor you.

I think you have to write down exactly what your expectations are. They should IMO be doing more than 1/3 of housework each since you are subsidizing their rent and bills so significantly. Give them very clear instructions (it's your home and you set the standards) and if they don't like them, they can leave.

VoyageOfDad Wed 03-Feb-16 19:40:17

Turn the broadband off and lock the TV ?

Wolfiefan Wed 03-Feb-16 19:40:27

Issue them a cleaning bill each time you have to tidy up after them?

fedupmum1971 Wed 03-Feb-16 19:50:57

think turning off the broadband may be next course of action, will try anything at this point! I have threatened to get a cleaner which they will have to pay for, but getting the money off them for the cleaner would be another battle!

GasLightShining Wed 03-Feb-16 20:32:31

fedupmum1971 I thought I had posted this and forgotten. I know exactly how you feel

For me the broadband is not an option as I don't want to here all evening without the internet.

I think it's alright saying don't do the washing but then they would wash as they go and the electricity bill would rocket

Not clearing up is ok but what am I supposed to cook with or eat on?

VoyageOfDad Wed 03-Feb-16 20:48:22

You can password protect the broadband, so still use it yourself.

If you look at the base / back of your router / broadband box, there is a web address in numbers and a password. If you browse to the web adress you'll find yourself looking at the routers preferences.

I think in there you can change the password.

Might cause fireworks.

How about telling them you'll move any mess they make into their room and no further.

Sounds tough

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Wed 03-Feb-16 20:49:15

Change the password Gas

specialsubject Fri 05-Feb-16 12:19:55

you've created some real monsters here....

time to lay down the law. Talking of which - tell druggie son that his brain-mushers are illegal and you don't want it in your house. Remind ex-druggie daughter of this.

tell them what you want to happen, house-train about use of washing machines, cooking and washing up and general decent standards. Set a deadline. If deadline not met, throw them out.

on that money they can afford flatshares, although they will have to cut down on the drugs considerably. I wouldn't want to share with these two though!

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