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At a loss as to what to do

(6 Posts)
Dafad Wed 03-Feb-16 09:27:29

I am not sure where to begin, my daughter is 13 and has been self harming for a short while, both myself and my partner are aware and have offered her support, the school are aware and she is seeing a counsellor plus she has a good support network of friends. Yesterday I discovered she is having suicidal thoughts and I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken. I spoke to her about it last night, and reassured her as much as I could, have spoken to the school this morning and made them aware of the situation so they are going to put extra support in place but I have no idea what else I can do? Have spent most of the morning in tears and have rung in sick for work because I just can't face it. Is there anything else I can do to help her??

Mountainwoman37 Wed 03-Feb-16 10:09:25

Please bring her to your GP asap & request a referral to Camhs. Good she is seeing a counsellor at school but would strongly recommend she gets seen by Camhs - therapist who can refer her to a psychiatrist if need be to help her find out if possible/ work through the distress that is causing her to self harm/ have suicidal thoughts. From reading these posts waiting times for Camhs referral varies considerably. I would phone, email - be that pushy parent until you get an appointment. Meantime assure her of your love, attention and that she is your no 1 priority. As she has suicidal thoughts keep her safe by keeping all medication in house locked away - and sharp implements. Look after yourself. Check out Young Minds for yourself - and your daughter. Went through similar experience with my now 15 year old DD ( started @ 13/ 14 yrs) we're on the long road to recovery. Good luck.

Dafad Wed 03-Feb-16 10:26:38

Thank you for your reply. I have just had a lengthy conversation with Young Minds and the school nurse which has helped loads. Camhs waiting list here is horrendous so I know I need to get other support in place for her whilst we wait to see them. The school nurse will see her today and talk to the counseller to see if she can have extra sessions. Going to try and get a GP appointment after school today if I can get passed the receptionists!!!

Florida41 Wed 03-Feb-16 18:47:36

hi dafad, I was in almost the same position as you 1 year ago ,I remember the exact date 13 th Feb , I was helping my 13 year old colour her hair as it was half term and saw her arms , she had been self harming . it had been going on for I while ( couple of months) and I hadn't noticed. straight to the Drs that night with an emergency appointment.
she had depression, self harming ,suicidal thoughts .
that same week I bought a safe and locked up all the pain killers and tablets that were in the house.
it broke my heart , I was devastated , could not eat for days after as I just felt so sick with worry, I have never know a year (2015) that I have cried so much in . blamed myself for not noticing , blamed myself for why it was happening .
she has Been in camhs since sept , and been put on fluoxetine two weeks ago now .
it is only now (for me ) beginning to get it abit easier to cope with, l know it's not my fault , we have a happy home life , go on nice holidays , she has an older brother 20 and sister 16 . nothing obvious that anybody would have picked up on.
many a night I have sat in bed and sobbed like I have never sobbed before worrying over what the future will bring for her.
try to listen and be there for her when she needs you , but don't keep on at her .
our camhs worker has told me not to ask to see her cuts directly ,( unless you have concern they need stitches) she has to look after them herself . ( which is really hard) not to keep asking her if she is ok , but to try and distract her with anything when I notice she is down , cooking ,film ,make her a hot chocolate ect

please get her some help , things will be tough but hopefully they will get better, I'm hoping 2016 will be a better year for my dd.
all I want is for her to be happy and to stop hurting herself . ( like all mums)
sometimes it brings tears to my eyes when I see a photo of her from a couple of years ago and think " where did my happy ,funny little girl go"
but I'm hoping I will start to see more of that happy fun girl again soon.
I hope you get all the help you can , but it dose seem a very slow and long road , but as all mums , I will do anything to make her better.
big hugs to u all . x

pasanda Wed 03-Feb-16 22:18:32

Things that helped my ds after self harming for 7 months and then actually attempting suicide in May last year were:

Antidepressants - he is a different child since starting them. In fact he is due to come off them in the next few weeks.

Weekly psychotherapy - expensive, but if you can afford it, invaluable imo

flexi schooling. He didn't go to lessons which he was not taking in Year 10

He had a 'card' at school so he could leave lessons if he felt bad.

We didn't leave him alone for 3 months AT ALL.

Locked up all medicines and alcohol.

Lots of love and attention, but did not crowd him with this as he actually hated the aftermath of the overdose and all the attention it bought him.

And finally, try not to show her your distress. It will make her feel worse. Be strong for her.

Good luck

Dafad Thu 04-Feb-16 12:36:58

Thank you all so much for your replies. She did not want to visit the GP last night and I didn't want to force her as I want her to feel in control of her own treatment as much as possible but have told her that if I think for one second she is in danger or not coping then I will over ride her, she has agreed to this. She says the school nurse spoke to her for well over an hour yesterday and she felt so much better. The school have arranged extra counselling sessions and she wants to try and see if those will make a difference before heading down the GP route.
I'm hoping that we have made the right decisions and am hoping that by making the decisions together and her taking an active part in her recovery that things will improve!

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