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Does anyone else think that this is inappropriate?

(33 Posts)
QueenofQuirkiness Thu 28-Jan-16 21:22:15

Dd14 plays the oboe in her school orchestra, with 3 boys and another girl. There are 2 oboe teachers at the school, one teaches my DD and the other teaches the older girl and one of the boys, the other two do not take lessons. The other girl is 16 years old and in the sixth form, and her and my DD have somewhat of a 'big sister little sister' friendship.
However, what is concerning me is that my DD has told me that this girl is very close with her oboe teacher, close as in she is Instagram and Facebook friends with him, and has his snapchat. DD has seen the girl snapchat selfies to the teacher...the girl also refers to the teacher by his first name and talks about how good and nice he is a lot.
The teacher is a peripatetic teacher and DD thinks he is in his mid 20s, and to top it off DD told me that this teacher helps out with the oboes in the orchestra, and the older girl lay her head on his shoulder for a few seconds when she was complaining about the difficulty of the piece. The older girl seems to think this behaviour is normal, so is this just me and my DD overreacting or does it sound weird to you?
I should add that my DD is reluctant to say anything as she sees this girl as a bit of a role model and wants to keep a friendship with her

Siolence Thu 28-Jan-16 21:29:04

Report to school child protection officer. It's inappropriate for him to have social media contact with her.

saoirse31 Thu 28-Jan-16 22:29:07

Agree social media inappropriate. First name tho, all teachers in my Ds secondary school go by first names.

fastdaytears Thu 28-Jan-16 22:32:18

I think I called peripatetic music teachers by their first names. Is that weird?

The social media thing isn't right though and should be raised. I assume that peripatetic teachers are covered by the policies of the schools they work in

I did the oboe too (not very well...) God choice!

fastdaytears Thu 28-Jan-16 22:32:41

Good choice even. God did not have anything to do with it.

BackforGood Thu 28-Jan-16 22:37:54

It's inappropriate. The peri teacher is in a "Position of Trust" and, as such should keep a professional 'distance' and certainly not be on any social media with a pupil from any school he teaches at. You need to report it to the DSP at the school.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Thu 28-Jan-16 22:39:45

Most schools aren't that happy about staff even having fb accounts, being friends with a pupil is a definite no no.

QueenofQuirkiness Fri 29-Jan-16 16:03:54

Good to know that it's not just me overreacting, first name not a problem IMO it's just the fact she has social media contact with him and has lain her head on him hmm and DD said that the teacher made no effort to make her move.
Would I just phone the school to report this as I have no clue how school safeguarding works?

Hiddlesnake Fri 29-Jan-16 16:07:51

Phone the school and ask to speak to the person in charge of child protection. Do not tell the receptionist what it is regarding, just insist on speaking to the person responsible for CP. This is normally someone in Senior Management.

QueenofQuirkiness Fri 29-Jan-16 20:41:46

Thanks, I will phone the school on Monday. Does anyone know what sort of action will be taken as DD is very concerned that he will be fired and it will 'all be my fault'

lljkk Fri 29-Jan-16 20:46:33

well of course he could be fired. Or nothing at all may change. Once you report, the consequences are very much out of your hands.

BackforGood Fri 29-Jan-16 23:05:23

....but if he were fired, it still wouldn't be your dd's fault. He will be judged on his actions, not on who knows about them. Can you remind her of that?

SpoonfulOfJam Sat 30-Jan-16 06:37:28

The IT dept where I work regularly monitor social media. Very easy for you to remain anonymous as social media are ultimately public spaces. Don't be concerned with repercussions for you, continue to direct your concern towards the girls well being.

claraschu Sat 30-Jan-16 07:13:47

Music teachers can be hugely important and influential to children. Quite often, this is the only adult who spends regular 1 to 1 time with a child, focusing on a special project which is significant and meaningful to both of them.

If the teacher is fairly young and a little naive, he might think it's ok to be friends on social media with a student. Music teachers who are on informal friendly terms with students can create an oasis for kids who are stuck in a pretty impersonal education system.

I would talk to whoever is in charge of arranging music lessons in the school. I would explain about the social media issue and ask for the music dept to tell the teacher that he can't have social media contact with kids. I wouldn't want to start reporting to child protection because it is likely that the teacher is being a bit naive and just needs a reminder.

My son, who is at a specialist music school, has at least three of his music teachers as FB friends, I think. He certainly has called all of them by their first names. there is absolutely nothing sinister about this.

QueenofQuirkiness Sat 30-Jan-16 11:08:24

I do think that a part of it (FB friends) might just be him not realising that it's not allowed and just being friendly, but the fact that she's sending him snapchat selfies and laying her head on him just sounds like overstepping a boundary.
I don't think he intends to be inappropriate, but he doesn't make any effort to stop this girl making contact with him and that's where the problem lies, as she's a sixth former and is probably enjoying being one of the 'older ones' in the school and is getting a bit carried away.

MrsJayy Sat 30-Jan-16 11:13:21

What is a peripractic teacher ? It still sounds inapropriate this guy has a duty of care while he is teaching snap chat and all the rest is crossing tge boundries even if she is 16. Glad you are contacting the school

MrsJayy Sat 30-Jan-16 11:15:27

He might know exactly what he is doing teachers and school staff know not to add kids on facebook while they are at school.

Siolence Sat 30-Jan-16 11:19:15

If you choose a different route to report it should be raised to Child Protection anyway.

All people who are in a position of authority over children have a duty of care and that includes maintaining the professional boundary between adult and child.

What you have described breaches that boundary and he should have reported it himself. The fact that he is not putting any measures in place to prevent it is exactly why it needs to be escalated.

dodobookends Sat 30-Jan-16 11:20:04

Mrs Jayy - a peripatetic teacher is one who isn't a full-time member of the teaching staff, but only comes in to teach specific lessons, usually at a number of schools in a district. It is fairly common with music teachers.

MrsJayy Sat 30-Jan-16 11:24:18

Ah ok never seen that word before when dds did lessons at school was just mrs x came in blush Still he isnt her pal he is her teacher. Dds have teachers as fb friends but that was only when they had left.

BertrandRussell Sat 30-Jan-16 11:25:35

Report him. And don't tell your dd you've done it.

Creatureofthenight Sat 30-Jan-16 11:25:39

Definitely report to CPO as he needs some refresher safeguarding training pronto.
He's likely just young and a bit naive, but he's not behaving appropriately in regards to social media and is leaving himself in a vulnerable position.
Calling instrumental teachers by their first name is totally normal, though.

Scarydinosaurs Sat 30-Jan-16 11:31:51

He would 100% know that he cannot do those things.

Definitely report him, tell your DD to not worry, it's anonymous.

BertrandRussell Sat 30-Jan-16 12:24:24

"He's likely just young and a bit naive"

No. He is incredibly unprofessional. Not naive.

MrsJayy Sat 30-Jan-16 13:55:21

I agree i cant stand this of they are young rubbish he is a professional tutor/teacher he is working with school pupils he knows safeguarding procedures.

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