Teenagers confuse me(7 Posts)
Ds (17) has been difficult lately to say the least - rude, violent etc. He seemed to have turned a corner at the start of January but today has left me totally puzzled.
He is going on holiday with his gf on Wednesday until Sunday. He is out for a meal with gf and her family this evening, will stay the night at hers, come home to pack and be off to hers again tomorrow while I am at work. This means I won't see him again til Sunday.
He left the house this evening without even saying goodbye or I'm off or anything.
I find this incredibly rude and I feel sad/embarrassed/confused/not sure what about it.
Is going out and not saying anything when you won't be seeing your Mum (or whoever you live with) for the rest of the week ok in anyone's books?
Well I would be hurt and upset about this too. But who knows what is going on in their heads. Teens can be incredibly self obsessed and unaware of the effect of their actions on their families. My dd regularly disappears for the whole day without a single thought for me and that i might be a bit worried about her. It would take her 10 seconds to text me but it would be too much trouble to do that!
I'm afraid that we are not number one on their list of priorities. I know I come quite a way down on the list behind everyone else. But I think that's quite normal for a lot of teens sadly.
How about sending him a little text saying you were sorry to have missed him and that maybe he could ring you so that you can say goodbye. That might get him thinking and avoid an argument at the same time.
I agree with you though that its not nice.
I think i would just let it go. Mine are the same. Self centred, selfish, thoughtless, rude. He doesn't mean anything by it, he's just stretching his wings and because he knows you will always be there for him, he doesn't need to do any big goodbyes. He is secure. It's a good sign.
Just text him when he's on his way, and wish him happy holidays. No big deal.
I honestly think he won't have realised. All my three are like that. Because he has a lot going on between leaving you and actually leaving (meal, packing etc) I bet he hasn't put two and two together. Mine do that all the time and when I remind them, as they're leaving (eg. Give me a hug then, I won't see you till ... whenever), they look genuinely surprised: 'oh yeah! I forgot!' They're just gormless (mine, that's not a comment on everyone's!). Funny though, I was thinking of posting about DD 17 who's been off at boyfriend's since Thursday and has barely been in touch. Very frustrating.
They grow out of that later so play it cool. Just text him tell him you love him and to enjoy the trip. Remind him to send you an odd text to let you know they are ok. When he is about 19 he will start saying bye Mom lm off and going on and go and you will be in shock as you will have become accustomed to this way. Teens are strange but they revert to normal and what we want is to have the relationship alive and well when that day comes
. Meantime keeping silent is our best asset. Let him off. It's no reflection on you.
I'm not so much confused as frustrated. Dd has been staying at her friends since Friday but can't seem to take 10 seconds out of her life to text me just to let me know she is OK. I have to text/ring her to find out. I just would not occur to her to let me know what's going on.
I think she is inconsiderate but apparently their brains are wired differently so its OK! I say bullshit. She is just selfish and I don't matter but I guess I'll have to put up with it.
I think it's fairly normal, tbh. My ds (particularly, dd not so much so) is only ever able to think in the here and now- it doesn't occur to him I might like a chat and to spend time with him, or a formal goodbye.
Equally though, if he wants to ask me something in the middle of the holiday, he'd just message me then, because whatever it is has popped into his head then.
It's not worth getting upset about - the 'instantness' of always having a phone in your hand and access to the internet at the touch of a screen just makes their lives different from what our lives were like at their age.
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