Dd starting new year with no friends

[Emochild]

2015 was a horrible year for dd

She began suffering from anxiety at the end of January following a bullying incident at school

This led to missing school with headaches, stomach upsets etc on and off until Easter when she stopped going due to the severity of her panic attacks

Let down by school multiple times, gp eventually referred to Camhs -she was prioritised for an autism assessment and we recently got the results that she has aspergers -I cannot fault Camhs at all

Whilst all this has been going on, my dds friends have fallen by the wayside
She was part of a group of 'alternative' kids, they all have their quirks and seemed to accept each other
Some went early -out of sight, out of mind
Since the start of December, dd has been asking her 2 remaining friends if they want to meet up and they haven't even replied

She's watched people tagging each other on Facebook over Christmas and last night, they've been online moaning they are bored, someone meet up, she's replied and they haven't even acknowledged her

I just feel so sad for her that in the time of her life when she needs friends the most she's got no one and no chance to meet anyone due to the ongoing nature of her anxiety

Camhs are telling me to encourage her to leave the house and socialise -who with?

[Scarydinosaurs]

She will need to work on socialising all the more given her needs and lack of daily school interaction with others.

Do you model good friendships for her? Is there a sport she can take up? Does she have cousins?

[Thornrose]

My dd with AS is in a similar situation. I hate it when she looks at FB If she messages people they tend to ignore her.

In the New Year I am going to look at autism services in our area. The problem is dd thinks she should socialise with people without autism so it's tricky.

Would your dd go to clubs specifically for young people with ASD? There are some for teens.

[ChocolateJam]

Shame, your poor dd. How old is she?

[Toomuch2young]

Your poor DD. Girls are invariably horrible throughout the high school years even without adding in aspergers and differences.
Does she have any hobbies? Often having something away from school can help build up other interests and a different group of friends.
Would she be interested in a club such as air cadets, they appeal to a wide range of young people and teach lots of useful skills and encourage team work and friendships as well.

[karalime]

I second the cadets suggestion above!

I hated the rules, the uniform and being told what to do with my hair. HOWEVER as it was twice a week with lots of camps/extra activities, you ended up with quite a good social circle.

[FiveHoursSleep]

My Y8 DD also has ASD and has the same problem. Everyone seems friendly enough at school and the teachers always say she is with someone during the day, but no one wants to meet with her out of or after school. She has a lot of online friends though.

[Emochild]

Clubs at the moment are a no -she won't leave the house without me, can't even pay for something in a shop without panicking -she will do it but visibly shakes

She sees herself as different to the other teens with ASD -she's incredibly 'book smart' and has no tolerance for people that aren't (we are working on that)

She's had no schooling since Easter

January should see a tutor coming to the house and the plan is to build a relationship there and then start attending a hospital school unit -this is due to her anxiety, not her aspergers

[onlyoneboot]

It's so tough, this happened to DD2. As soon as she was out of school with anxiety and diagnosed with ASD, her friends dropped her apart from one girl who lives nearby but DD2 doesn't want to see anyone.

On the other hand, DD1 (also ASD) dropped everyone despite friends trying to keep up with her.

Neither of them will go to clubs but they do have each other. They won't go anywhere or speak to anyone without me though.

They both came off social media but post on art forums and fanfic type stuff, which at least means they are connecting with likeminded folk a little.

Could you encourage your DD away from fb?

[Noitsnotteatimeyet]

Ds has no friends either - never gets invited anywhere, no-one ever phones him or calls at the house. He's 16 and has asperger's and has been becoming gradually more socially isolated since starting secondary. Thankful he's not on any social media so isn't so aware of all the social activities his peers are getting up to locally. I've tried getting him interested in clubs etc but he hates large groups and wouldn't talk to anyone so fairly pointless really. Sorry your dd is going through this too

[Toomuch2young]

Ok if organised clubs are out what about more solitary animal based activities? Horses and dogs are great for young people with ASD they provide undemanding social company and also improve empathy and responsibility. The activites will often lead to meeting like minded young people. Even getting out of the house to walk a neighbours dog would be a great start. Or would she enjoy a horse riding lesson?
This is how I made friends, initially just with the animal and then with people I met through the animals.

[stablemabel]

Hugs and love/supoport sent out to all those on here struggling and to you OP.

Lots of good advice so far the only thing I can think to add is do you ever attend the local church, is there anything there that could interest her?

I feel better when my DCs stay away from all the social media stuff and socialise 'properly' (not that they do much of that). Do you have a library, if she is into books I wonder if there is anything there she could get involved in?

Give her time, hopefully she will find her own interests and true friends (and I always stress to my DD it's quality not quantitiy).

[NickiFury]

Is she back in school now? If not might it be worth getting in touch with some home education groups even if you're not doing it "officially". My ds has ASD but socialises in HE groups two or three times a week and has friends. He had no hope of that at school, just couldn't manage to make or maintain friendships. Loads of Kid's like ours in these groups.

[Emochild]

I'll look into riding -would do her good to get a bit of fresh air and exercise 😊

She's desperate for a dog but its not going to happen

The library runs a reading club but its during the school day -when she won't leave the house incase someone asks why she's not at school -she won't come with me to the gym for the same reason

I'd not thought about home ed groups but i'm assuming there will be some reasonably locally as we are fairly close to a big city