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Ds(16) has NO social life

(6 Posts)
Noitsnotteatimeyet Thu 31-Dec-15 09:09:39

Ds2 has become increasingly withdrawn. He has relatively mild ASD so social interactions have always been tricky but in the last 18 months or so he's completely opted out. The last time he was invited anywhere was to one of his old primary school friend's birthday celebrations when he was in Y8 (he's now in Y11).

He does have a group of similarly geeky friends in school but never wants to see them out of school. Until last year I'd take a group of them out for pizza and cinema for his birthday but none of them has ever reciprocated and this year he didn't want to do anything.

All his interactions outside the family are via the computer - he plays no sports any more or has any hobbies apart from gaming.

He was in a cricket team for several years which he enjoyed in his own way but despite seeing the same boys every weekend over the summer season for 5 years he never made friends with any of them or even talked to them other than in the context of the game, and last year the team manager said they wouldn't be able to accommodate him any more as he wasn't good enough.

If left to his own devices he would be sat at the computer all day every day. We've imposed a curfew and insisted he leaves his laptop with us at night (he was creeping downstairs at 2am to get it when we just left it in the kitchen).

He seems really unhappy (he often cries or gets very angry) but doesn't seem to want to do anything constructive about it. I am at a loss as to how to help him.

He hates school and is doing the bare minimum for his GCSEs so although he's unlikely to fail any as he's extremely bright, he's also unlikely to get anything like the grades he should be aiming for

Sorry this is so long- I'm just feeling a bit helpless about it all

feltcarrot Thu 31-Dec-15 12:39:26

This sounds a bit like my DS 15. He occasionally will go out with friends but seems happier gaming in his room.
His older sister is a social butterfly and was deciding between venues for tonight and DH and I have been invited round to some friends for a meal. All the other friends offspring have parties to go to whilst he has none.sad

InvoluntaryCelibacy Thu 31-Dec-15 12:46:22

I wouldn't take his laptop off him if I were you that's probably how he socialises. I was/am still I guess, like your ds. I used to chat to people online it may not be real socialising but he might make a real friend out of it? I met a guy off it when I was 17 and because of going out with him I got my social life! we went to rock bars together then I got a job at one and it all spiraled from there

Noitsnotteatimeyet Fri 01-Jan-16 20:29:10

He's not socialising in any meaningful way online - just playing endless games

I think he's just retreating into games as real life is too tricky sad

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 01-Jan-16 20:34:25

My two younger DSes 15 and 17 would rather be at home gaming or on laptops than doing anything else. They do get a few invitations to parties that they go to, but they would generally rather not and just be at home.

The fact that yiur DS would rather be at home gaming wouldn't bother me; the fact that he gets upset about things would. Msybe try to get to the bottom of that?

HormonalHeap Fri 01-Jan-16 23:31:24

My heart goes out to you- I am going through exactly the same with my nearly 16yo son.

Online, they can be who they want. If they are good at gaming, they are highly regarded in the virtual world, perhaps more than in real life. Mine is also bright but doing absolute minimum. It's ruining my life too as I just can't enjoy anything. How can I socialise knowing he never does, how can I work out at the gym knowing he never gets fresh air?

At least your ds accepts the fact you want his equipment at night- maybe you could also try and impose a cap on daytime hours? Mine has just bought himself a computer to use at school which he can also use for gaming- so he knows we can't take it away. I was told by a psychiatrist that gaming is a symptom of an underlying problem, often depression. If you think your ds might be depressed and would consider treatment, I think that's the way to go. Unfortunately for me, mine has no interest in being 'cured' of his gaming addiction.

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